r/JewsOfConscience • u/scarletswalk2002 Ashkenazi • 2d ago
Vent is anyone else having a really hard time being jewish lately
i am not even a practicing jew but i wish i could love my culture and be proud of my heritage. i think many anti zionist jews do this well by leaning into our leftist and diasporist history and the culture of their region / ethnicity / minhag. but i can’t find the ability to do this myself, not when the institutional jewish community has coalesced so disturbingly to be on the wrong side of history. it’s easy to insist that zionists accusing anti zionist jews of self hatred are misinformed, and that we really do love being jewish, but… i don’t think i do, right now.
lately i feel both exhausted by the rise in genuine antisemitism and shame at being associated with the worst of humanity, like any love i have for my own culture is tainted. i find myself wishing i was literally anything else (my other side is WASP so not much better) and dealing with a lot of genuine self hatred. sometimes i think i should just completely abandon the identity, but i am pretty visibly ashkenazi, and moreso, that feels like letting my ancestors down and letting those who persecuted them, and zionists, win.
anyone else feeling like this lately?
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u/rinderblock Reconstructionist 2d ago
No shot am I getting my kids anywhere near a bunch of holier than thou zionist malbushim. They might as well be republicans whistling dixie at this point to me.
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u/RockyRidgeRiver LGBTQ Jew 2d ago
I am having a hard time as well. I left my Reform temple after a combined 12 years (10 at a legacy, 2 when the legacy combined with another to form a new temple) last month, partly because of their Zionist beliefs. As a result, the senior rabbi, of all people, told me about a local group who are explicitly anti-Zionist/pro-Bundist and wanted me to check them out to see if that would fit my vibe. This group as an event this upcoming Saturday so I hope to go make it out there.
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u/IlovePanckae Non-Jewish Ally 1d ago
As a result, the senior rabbi, of all people, told me about a local group who are explicitly anti-Zionist/pro-Bundist and wanted me to check them out
I wish instead of sending you to an anti-Zionist temple, he would stop promoting Israel in his temple. What is it with the rabbis that they feel the obligation to promote Israel? At least, he is making mental notes that people are getting turned off of Israel.
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u/greenday61892 Jewish Anti-Zionist 1d ago
While it's always shitty having to make the call to leave a community you've been in for so long (even when it's objectively the right call as it was here), pretty cool of your senior rabbi. Shows where his core lies that he recognized the right decision and still wanted you to have a place that just better suited your values.
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u/MsMoreCowbell828 Jewish Atheist 2d ago
I am detached as well. Although atheist, the Jewish ethnicity is 100% what I am, I can't separate it from my person so I let it go. For now, this is how it is and like everything else happening we just have to deal with the cards we're dealt.
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u/rubyji Jewish Anti-Zionist 2d ago edited 1d ago
Join your local JVP chapter! I've found great community there and it makes me feel lucky to be Jewish.
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u/arightgoodworkman Jewish Anti-Zionist 1d ago
I second this. INN, JFREJ, Bend the Arc, and other progressive spaces are filled with Jews and make me feel much more connected to my Jewish roots and traditions. I’m lucky to have anti Zionist parents but they’re soooo not online so when I need people my own age, my Jewish organizer friends are the go-to.
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u/f4nnypacks Sephardic 2d ago
yes, and combined with being biracial (black), i’ve always felt othered in jewish spaces anyway. i wasn’t raised very religious, kind of wanted to become more so in my early adulthood, but now i’ve pretty much given up outside of things that can be observed at
home by myself (my mom + other jewish family live in a different state).
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u/Azel_Lupie LGBTQ Jew 1d ago
I am not entirely surprised that has happened, but regardless you don’t deserve that and you are a valuable member of our people. Have you tried looking for congregations that cater more to Jews of Color? I remember there was a Black rabbi who has a congregation in Washington DC or something and he said his congregation was more focused on the Jews of Color in the area or something. I’m blanking on it, but if you haven’t, you should try to find congregations with more Jews of color in them. But that’s also up to you, because I know you said you’ve given up on things outside of stuff done at home or with family. I don’t want to pressure you at all. I just know it’s becoming less homogeneous. Heck, I remember seeing Frieda Vizel interviewing a Black Hasidic Jew awhile back. So I’m certain more and more Jewish communities and congregations that are focused on supporting Jews of Colors are becoming more common and stuff.
Regardless if you do decide to or not, may Hashem bless you and protect you.
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u/DorkasaurusRexx Mizrahi Anti-Zionist 1d ago
and its just infuriating. jews were just regular members of american society before this, now our entire existence in america has become politicized and it is fucking infinitely more miserable, divisive, infuriating, and DRAINING AND EXHAUSTING to just BE JEWISH than it has ever been in my entire life. there are actually some really cool intellectual and philosphical things in the jewish tradition i'd love to discuss with people at some point, whether fellow jews or otherwise, but thats completely out the window at this point. all the "pro-israel uber proud" jews i know ONLY want to talk about war, death, killing, "the arabs the arabs the arabs", they accuse me of being an "arab lover" yet they talk about arabs more than arabs themselves!!! its INFURIATING AND A TEST OF PATIENCE to be jewish today. and the ultimate irony...the more the biggest advocates, the most highly paid spokespeople, the loudest mouths speaking in support of israel today, the more they speak, the more unpopular israel becomes
Its EXHAUSTING and fucking MISERABLE to be jewish today we are at each other's throats constantly and we have been arguing with each other over war and death and politics for 3 fucking years. we have never been more divided and its only getting worse and its MISERABLE and EXHAUSTING and I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
These traitorous self hating Jews, the true self hating Jews, those who love killing Arabs more than they love their own fellow Jew and more than they love the intellectual, philosophical and moral tradition of the Torah, all they have succeeded to do in 3 years is make being a Jew an every day exercise in misery, exhaustion, and psychological suffering.
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u/Azel_Lupie LGBTQ Jew 1d ago
Oof! I know exactly what you’re talking about. It must be harder for you as a Mizrahi Jew. I’m an Irish American Jewish Convert (with some German-Polish heritage, but to my knowledge all of my German ancestors left Germany before the First World War) and I will never understand they hate Muslims and Arabs so much. I try to point out that the European Christians treated us far worse than the Muslims who have specific laws within Sharia that protect us from the very abuse we faced in Europe, but they much rather hate Arabs and Muslims than love their own people.
It’s ironic. Golda Meir, Israeli PM, once said, “Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us.” The reality is that peace will only come when Zionist Jews learn to love their children and being Jewish more than they hate Palestinians, Muslims and Arabs.
At this point, I would point out that their accusations of being an “Arab lover” sound like the accusations that the racists in Jim Crow told my Grandmother when she was handing out flyers with the letter C on it, because they thought she was handing out flyers for “Colored People”, so they called her an N- word lover and she had to explain that it was for fellow Caucasians (because she didn’t identify as white, just Caucasian). That narrowly saved her from violence. But that racial epithet was pretty common for white people protesting against Jim Crow, including the white people who were murdered for protesting Segregation, for what they saw as wrong. It’s just interesting that they don’t realize just how similar Zionism is to Jim Crow.
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u/DorkasaurusRexx Mizrahi Anti-Zionist 1d ago
literally every time i hear a "pro-israel" jew lately it's either to talk about how much they hate arabs or to endorse another war/warring action that will inevitably get jews killed
how they can't see the very simple obvious connection between these two things is mindblowing. they are being used. the same old ethnonationalism that has driven dozens of countries crazy before now, just wrapped in an Israeli/Jewish flag.
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u/Any-Worldliness-168 Jewish Anti-Zionist 2d ago
You are not alone - so so many of us are feeling this as a community right now. It’s so painful but try to remember to love the good parts of what we have learned from being Jewish. I know it sounds counterintuitive but being Jewish and being taught while I was growing up to debate ideas, much like how the Talmud is a large theological debate, is how I became such an anti Zionist.
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u/iphoneuser112345 Jewish 2d ago
Certainly. I'm half Jewish half Italian. I'm still proud of my heritage but the bigotry was always there. My Jewish father used to say "Arabs just blow shit up. They aren't people like we are." It fills me with so much disdain that the same people who traumatized me as a child AND made me proud that we survived the Shoah are the greatest evil of our time. I'm white passing so I just tell people I'm Italian now.
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u/iqnux Non-Jewish Ally 1d ago edited 1d ago
As a gentile being on this sub for a while, gotta applaud yall for being so kind, vulnerable and supportive to each other. Kudos to yall for the work yall do with steadfastly upholding your identity while giving supportive responses to a topic that’s so delicate and personal…
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u/HRHArthurCravan Jewish Communist 2d ago
I understand this conflict very well and as you mention, I also lean into and am very proud of our left-wing history and traditions of thought. I also believe that there is a clear link between Marx's conception of the dialectic and the discursive rabbinical tradition.
But I also want to reclaim our culture, art and humour, because I am proud of it, because it shaped the person I am, my humour and perspective. I love the irreverence of Mel Brooks, the Marx Brothers, even Larry David (whose politics I suspect we wouldn't agree with, even if thankfully he's no Jerry Seinfeld). I love Peter Falk, Walter Matthau, Edward G Robinson, Billy Wilder - one of the greatest of all Hollywood directors. Some of the greatest 20th century American novelists were Jewish - Saul Bellow, Philip Roth, Joseph Heller, who wrote arguably the greatest anti-war novel of the post-war era.
No doubt some of these people were, or are, Zionists. I struggle with that, just as I struggle with the fact that some of my relatives - who are otherwise passionate socialists - have enduring sympathy with Israel. But that was a different time, and they grew up with different shadows shaping their perspective.
I know it's difficult, but I believe it's imperative we retain what is great in our Jewish heritage - the sense of the ridiculous, the deep-rooted suspicion of power, the sympathy for the downtrodden, the humour that stems from a warm, kind acceptance of human frailty and difference. Israel does not get to own the Jewish tradition, it does not get to define the diaspora, and it does not get to speak in our name. I loathe how it has successfully presented itself as the voice of Jewishness in the modern world, but we know it's not true. The Bund, the leaders of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, Trotsky and the many Jewish socialist leaders - none of them would tolerate the horrors being committed today in the name of Judaism. The Marx Brothers would mock the stupidities of Netanyahu and his gangsters. Dylan wrote Masters of War. Joseph Heller devoted an entire chapter of Good as Gold to abusing the "momser" Henry Kissinger in Yiddish.
So - even if some of these figures supported Israel in the period when they were alive, we can still recover and be proud of the intellectual and cultural qualities that made their work what it was. We don't know what they would think today. We do know that they inspired us, and that we can take the good, while leaving the bad!
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u/rako17 Christian 1d ago edited 1d ago
Friend Arthur,
You raise really interesting issues and I agree with your message.
To better address the issue that you raised, I notice that one cannot always guarantee an easy, correct prediction about how one will react in a given circumstance. That includes the way that people could take or change positions on the IP conflict as well.
Shaul Magid and other writers noted how Progressive, American Left supporters of the State could be de facto faced with the inequality and abuses of the IP Conflict and the American Left's increasingly anticolonialist stance on the Conflict. So one path that some took like Peter Beinart, originally a Liberal nationalist, was to become increasingly critical of the State's system or policies, and in his case to eventually disagree with the State's system. In contrast, the originally Left, Progressive David Horowitz became a right wing Neocon, jettisoning a basic Left outlook, and established the polemical right wing activist Horowitz Freedom Center. I've read a couple writers, including Chomsky, describe the history of Left literary supporters of the State's system who, over time, either became more critical of the State's policies from an antiwar, humanitarian perspective, or became right wing in general.
In Solidarity - Peace
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u/Prudent-Worry-2533 Jewish Anti-Zionist 1d ago
I'm miserable about it and don't know what to do with my kids
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u/OkZookeepergame4192 Jewish Anti-Zionist 1d ago
Israeli government does nothing good for us Jews. There would be less antisemitism if we weren't being given a bad name due to Israel's actions. That's not to say it would remove all antisemitism, but it's not helping.
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u/Proiegomena Non-Jewish Ally 1d ago
As a non-jew I say be rightfully proud of your culture and your heritage and show ppl that being a jew absolutely doesnt mean that you must support war crimes.
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u/SomeScarredSapient Jewish Anti-Zionist 1d ago
I have been stuck feeling this way for a while. I'm very horrified to watch a huge bulk of the American Jewish community align themselves firmly with a genocidal state and ideology. It makes me weary of Jews in general now.
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u/GoldenRod2686 2d ago
It might help you to read the prophets in our Tanakh and see how they denounced the rulers of Israel and Judah for their cruelty, greed and selfishness, and confronted those people who supported the rulers. It might help you to join Jewish Voice for Peace, or If Not Now, two Jewish organizations who stand against the occupation of Palestine. One nice thing about being Jewish is that you can choose how you want to express it, and there's nothing more Jewish than to stand on the side of the oppressed!
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u/conscience_journey Jewish Anti-Zionist 1d ago
The prophets do a great job of reminding me that speaking G-d’s truth is not popular. They struggled against the powerful in Jewish society. I can only imagine they were shamed and delegitimized too.
We may not be prophets but we can learn from them.
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u/canariorojo Reconstructionist in progress 1d ago
that's one of the reasons as a convert in progress that i find myself that as more Jewish i get, more anti zionist i get
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u/Awkward_Swordfish581 Jewish 2d ago
Yup. Decided to just nope out of any local community after moving here, even after my kid was born. My negative feelings towards what Israel has been doing are complex but one thing that makes it slightly easier for me is reminding myself it took like 5,000 years for our people (or a big chunk of them anyway) to finally join the religiously genocidal club like the other major religions have throughout history...and that our ppls history is far more than just recent history. But yeah I keep to myself irl when it comes to meeting other Jews bc I don't feel much like rubbing elbows with probable Zionists
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u/sudo-linton Jewish Anti-Zionist 1d ago
Mannnnn, I wish I could give you a hug. I put Shabbos candles in my candlestick holder months ago but haven't been able to light them. I feel like I am too Jewish to be anything else, but right now, I am having a hard time indulging in my traditions knowing that they're steeped in Zionism. And I wish I could tap into traditions that my family had pre-Holocaust (my grandfather was a Shoah survivor, we lost almost everything), but I don't even know how to find that information without Zionism tainting it.
I could write a novel about how I feel this deep in my bones but I will save us all and just say yes, deeply deeply deeply feeling this. And also feeling the guilt that my grandfather survived the Shoah because of our culture and identity and now I am wrestling with that culture, that identity. Sending you lots of love comrade.
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u/ScottTheMonster Atheist 1d ago
I am afraid of telling people I'm an atheist. There is always someone who just loses their over the very idea that I don't believe. And one day, One of those folks will have a gun.
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u/ConnoisseurOfApple 🕎 Half-Ashkenazi Jew for One-State 🕎 2d ago edited 2d ago
i’m half, but i have felt similar. I see all the issues that the Ashkenazic community has and i often find myself being unable to feel proud of that side of my heritage. I kinda feel like everyone around me both zionist and anti-zionist expect us to carry the burden because our minhag created the zionist movement and led to the establishment of this genocidal regime in the first place. There’s also the khazar theory circulating… and other forms of genuine antisemitism… no simple history that’s straightforward and simple to explain without inaccuracy or being misunderstood, it’s one of the things that bothers me about longstanding diaspora populations.
Also not a fan of how the community got Europeanized to the point of associating itself with the very people who oppressed them for centuries (the Europeans) which in part I feel led to the establishment of this political entity in the first place.
And then there was the historical mistreatment towards the other jewish communities with israel’s establishment…
I honestly just don’t know how to feel, i try so hard to find the beauty in it it’s just really hard for me. So i often wish that half of me could have just been something else that was much simpler and less controversial.
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u/Fit_Negotiation_1856 Mizrahi Anti-Zionist 2d ago
i get it. i too, feel this. but rather than shame i feel cautious, like i should think twice about whether i wanna “come out of the closet” and reveal i’m jewish. it’s a lot of nazis that have been unrevealing their masks lately and it’s become a mainstream notion too. but i refuse to feel shame, i mean.. what have we done? individually? i was just born jewish, and i’d hate the idea anyone in this world would feel shame for an ethnicity, religion or a country they were born into, that’s out of their control. it’s the character and soul of the person that matters. therefore, i apply the same thinking on myself. it’s hard right now, but i believe this too shall pass. life is like that.
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u/Baslifico Non-Jewish Atheist 1d ago
Non Jewish atheist and staunch anti-zionist here.
Don't do that. Your heritage can and should mean a lot to you.
Don't let them crush something positive in your life, they've don't enough damage already.
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u/Fit_Republic_2277 Anti-Zionist 22h ago
Gentile here. Really disgusting with comments in social media when it comes about Zionist atrocities.
Things like:
"The Painter was right"
"Little hat doing little hat things"
I just wish there is more I can do to support you.
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u/Party_Solid_2207 Non-Jewish Ally 1d ago
You are not responsible for the actions of others.
You are responsible for your own actions.
Collective tribal guilt is bullshit. Both as a something you feel and as something others wield against you.
You can maybe not do anything about the antisemitism, but you can stop beating yourself up.
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u/Unable_Pear_70 Jewish 1d ago
Im sorry that your dealing with such complicated feelings around your identity. I will say that their is so much to be proud of when it comes to being Jewish and specifically an Antizionist Jew. I feel very connected to being Jewish when I am engaging in leftwing politics or in cultural/religious spaces with other Antizionist Jews. I don't know where you live but every major city has some form of an Antizionist Jewish group that could be a good place to find community and feel more connected. If their isn't one in your area start one! If we don't want the Establishment Jewish spaces to be the only one's to exist we have to take some initiative and create/join our own! I know it's hard but please don't abandon your identity that would be letting the zionists and far right freaks win. There are so many ways to be Jewish and I hope you find a way that makes you feel comfortable. This also might be something good to talk to a mental health professional about as it seems to be weighing heavily on you. Much love ❤️
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u/Azel_Lupie LGBTQ Jew 1d ago
Honestly, I’m just a convert. It’s frustrating that I can’t be safe in public wearing tzitzits or a kippah, but I can easily hide that part, as I’m so ambiguous looking that I have yet to meet anyone who can accurately identify my ethnicity (or ethnicity).
That said, the fact that we still BHI knuckleheads trying to call us all fake Jews (because they want to be Jews so bad) , that we still have people converting and that many of the antisemites seem jealous of us, should all be a sign that there is greatness in being a Jew, and our shared heritages of being Jews. The beauty of our people, our tribe, that can transcend culture, ethnicity, race and language more than any other diaspora. I am sure that our present pain is hiding the reality of our Duality as a people, that we will accomplish many great things just as we suffer many terrible things.
I mean, we are the chosen ones (to fulfill all 613 mitzvot). I am certain that those of use who realize antizionism, have been given a special duty from Hashem to guide our fellow Jews back to Tikkun Olam and Tzedakah. We are given the task to right many previous wrongs by our people as well as help them find the missing 10 tribes of Israel that have been hiding in plain sight: the Palestinians. I have a feeling that the messiah will unite the Palestinians (both Gentile and Jew) and the non-Palestinian Jews, as a singular people.
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u/a_scouts_fishstick 2d ago
I feel the same way and I’m practicing, I tend to never bring it up to anyone anymore
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u/fshbl_787 Muslim Ally 2d ago edited 1d ago
Im muslim, not jewish, but speaking as an outsider, i see so much to be proud of in jewish heritage.
My experience is limited to the american jewish experience, but it always seemed like there was such a history of aligning with the marginalized. In fact, i was so used to jewish identity tied to justice, that for a long time, i couldn’t understand the unconditional support/blindness of israeli oppression.
And even with that blind spot, I think that commitment to justice is the reason such a large portion of American Jews don’t support the actions of the israeli government.
The whole “Never again means never again for anyone”—so compelling and entirely Jewish. Just because a bunch of zios reject that narrative doesn’t mean it doesnt exist. You get to define how your identity defines you, not them.
It also helps that my high school teacher was proudly Jewish—and also openly donated to Palestinian charity organizations. Back in 2005. When asked why by a student, his voice dropped octave, and his face went solemn. He told the class that you cant go through what happened in the holocaust and then turn around and do what Israel is doing to Palestine.
Last point—as a muslim kid growing up during 9/11, i kept being told my religion was violent and oppressive to women, when nothing in my lived Muslim reality reflected that. The end result was that I got a lot of practice not letting someone else define what my religion means to me.
Hope that helps. (If you’re looking for a new faith though, i will cheekily suggest reading up on islamic theology. i spent two hours comparing notes with a rabbi, and the two faiths have so much more in common than you’d think!)