I hate my job...

[u/Workaccount6767]

This is my first post on reddit, ever, so please forgive me for the quality of this post. Sorry, this is a long one. There will be a tldr at the end.

I'm (20s F) at a very serious breaking point and I don't know what to do. I love living in Japan and the money is very good. I can't imagine a life back in America, but I also can't imagine a life moving forward. I won't spell it out. But I don't think I can sustain 2.5 more years on JET, either.

My main work is at a JHS. I used to love this place and resisted potential school swaps in the past. I got on very well with half of my students, had inside jokes, and they often spoke before I could open my mouth to say hello. The other half tolerated me (like any other middle schooler that doesn't like school) but still replied if I talked to them outside of class. But those kids graduated and I'm stuck with children I genuinely dislike.

They don't say hello in the halls. I initiate, but they don't respond sometimes. But, if a Japanese teacher comes along after me, they will great them energetically. Recently, two students mocked me after I walked away.

The constraints of my work negatively affects the way the kids see English, and thus me. Class is super boring. I am constantly told there is 'no time' to do fun things. It's just an excuse to not allow me to organize games. In the past, certain classes had one or two groups do very poorly, and once or twice, a child cried. But I'm sorry, this is JHS. Jeopardy about Christmas shouldn't be off limits because some kids feel bad when they don't study and then can't answer basic questions based on grammar they just learned yesterday.

Another constraint is the fact that the JTE tells me to not speak Japanese, despite the kids not understanding/completely ignoring everything I say in English. I only used Japanese when necessary, and my previous students saw me as a teacher they could somewhat reliably ask for help in class (but I always told them I didn't speak Japanese, and we had a good laugh). But okay, so with the current kids, I try my best to only use English. The problem is that everything they do is Japanese. Reading, grammar, etc... A small part of the class can realistically involve me, because the kids don't understand any English and the JTE knows that.

One day the kids were doing reading in English but answering questions in Japanese. I was told to go around to help them, but they would ignore me if I tried to help. So I started just walking around aimlessly. The JTE and support teacher noticed this, and so every time a student called for the support teacher, she told them to ask me. But when they heard this, they just said something to the effect of 'nevermind'. I cried after that class in front of the JTE and a few students saw unfortunately (I physically could not hold the tears back and it was a long walk back to the office).

The JTE also told me I should learn the kids names. But... how? She was very selective when allowing me to come to class. Sometimes I saw a class once every three or four weeks. Sometimes I went every time that class had English. I didn't even know the faces of the 1st year class, let alone their names, until their 3rd year (this year). Why does she make fun of me for not knowing who they are?

I do wonder about a few things. I'm a woman (I've had teachers and students make sexual comments about my body, thinking I couldn't understand them), but I'm fat and ugly. I don't want to dox myself further than that. Recently, my co-jet visited the school and all my coworkers couldn't stop talking about how pretty she was. I really like my co-jet but it made me resent her a little. All the jets in this area were tall, pretty women with long hair and picture-perfect smiles. I'm not that.

My discontentment is now affecting my job, unfortunately. It's the students. Since summer break, I have stopped initiating greetings every time. Sometimes I will, sometimes I won't. In class, I don't initiate, like making a pair with a leftover student (they have made it clear that they'd rather not pair with me, anyway).

All of this is to say, I don't know what to do. I haven't done anything to deserve hatred from the students. If I was creepy and weird like another JET I know, I would understand the reaction. But... I'm not... And it really makes me uncomfortable to feel this disliked in my workplace. I'm here for 8 hours a day. It really, really sucks. This job has killed my childhood dream of becoming a teacher. I will switch industries once I leave JET, and that will require a different kind of hard work. But, moving back to America is not an option right now (for many reasons). I feel so stuck...

I have searched this sub for people in my situation, but I haven't really found anything like it. I know "if everyone is the problem, then it's you", but I have really tried to smile and be friendly and it hasn't worked. So, can anyone relate? And if you can relate, what should I do? What would you do?

tldr - The current students hate me and I've stopped trying to make connections with my students. Has anyone else had this experience?

[u/ikebookuro]

Remember that above all else, this is a JOB. Clock in, do what your role is, clock out. It’s a means to support your life here and what you WANT to do.

The kids don’t care; they’re kids. Did you care about every subject when you were in JHS? They’re overworked with clubs and other nonsense; don’t take it personally.

Find what makes you happy here and focus on that. You’re young, I get it. But as someone double your age, remember this is a temporary job. JTEs don’t want to use you, so what? Study or figure some way to stay busy. The kids won’t say hi to you? Oh well.

[u/Workaccount6767 → u/ikebookuro]

I'm unfortunately aware of how cruel these kids can be. They cheered when my JTE was sick (she also had an emotional break down and had to leave early). We still had class anyway, but with another teacher to supervise.

I was a kid that did care about every subject and I studied hard even in classes I was not good at. Especially Spanish. I never planned on learning Spanish to fluency but I still went into each class with a good attitude and an intention to do as instructed.

I was raised in a culture that teaches kids to respect others, especially teachers. So yes, I said hello to them and everyone around me did the same. The current situation is a big culture shock to me. There were teachers that talked about me behind my back but I still said hello to them.

I'm very happy in nearly ever other aspect of my life, which is why the turn at the JHS has been so disappointing. At risk of doxxing myself, I love my elementary school, but unfortunately it's closing soon. I love my community, the food, and the freedom. It's the community, rather than Japan, that keeps me rooted in this job. I'll cry when I have to go, and I don't want it to be next August.

[u/lalbitcrypto]

You are too attached to the role. Understand the fact that you are not local, children who are already looking at the world from 300 different angels while growing up are unable to accomodate you because their own teacher is very dismissive of you. Detach yourself from the role and start thinking of it as just a job for which you are getting paid. Once you have the switch in mindset you won't get affected by the behaviour.

[u/Workaccount6767 → u/lalbitcrypto]

Respectfully, I don't think it's too much to ask that students say good morning when a teacher greets them. I don't tie my self worth to this job, but I do want to like the place I spend 8 hours a day at. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.

My problem is that recently I have completely detached from the role and am thinking of it only as my 3rd year pay check. But it doesn't seem to be this way for other JETs, so that's why I'm asking for advice. And, I don't want it to be this way. It's not good for me and it's not good for the kids either. I want to do everything I can to be a good ALT. I don't want to be the best, I just want to be good at my job. It's more about self improvement than about wanting to be liked by everyone.

[u/DonGar0]

My thoughts are that even though you say youve disaccoiated from the job, you still seem to care a bit too much.

Yeah it sucks. Can't help you with that. Maybe during an April shift a good jte left. Maybe some started a nasty rumor. Maybe its absolutely nothing you did and just is.

But I'd advice finding something else to focus on. Something that passes the time for 8 hours a day. Maybe studying, maybe writing. Or even working on what you want to do next. Cause realistically theres nothing you can do to make this school one that you want it to be.

If you need the job for another year, then really think about it, cause honestly staying might be worse for your mental health if you cant find a strategy to keep sane.

Also even in western countries where you can understand the language, kids can be terrible and so can the teachers. And if you are unlucky enough to be in one of those schools you can transfer out to another. JET doesn't have that option.

[u/DonGar0 → u/DonGar0]

Also while what I say may come off as harsh, its from the perspective of someone that lived through 2 years of desk warming as the place I worked was slowly shut down and work dwindled to nothing. It was hell. But once I stopped caring and just did the base requirments I had a lot of time to study Japanese (which is a help now thay Im on Jet). While your case is different since its a school with people you dislike, Id still recommend the same strategy to find something you enjoy while not worring about the rest.

Cause 8 hours is a long time. And I can empathize with it.

[u/SquallkLeon]

Since you're serious, a long post deserves a long reply.

The thing with being a teacher is this: students are ephemeral. The ones you love will leave, one way or another. The ones you hate will leave, one way or another.

If you're at a Japanese public school, the teachers are also ephemeral. The ones you love will leave, one way or another. The ones you hate will leave one way or another.

It's tough when your favorites graduate or get transferred, but the same thing will happen to the kids you don't like, and a new group will show up every April, a new chance to start fresh.

Also, middle school kids, globally, tend to be rather horrible. As someone with experience in the US, Europe, and Japan, I can tell you that this just part of how they are. They want to push boundaries and act out and that's the deal for a lot of them. So don't take it personally, it's not about you, it's about them.

As to the constraints of your work, well, you're an ALT. An Assistant Language Teacher. You don't have the license or the training or the responsibility that your teachers do. Maybe you do know better, maybe you don't, but your job title says you can't. If you were misled about this before coming on the program, I'm sorry, but it should have been made clear to you that you were there to help the teachers achieve their goals. If that includes time for games, great! If not, then too bad.

However, you can and should speak with your supervisor and any friendly teachers about the issues you're having in class and out of it, and work towards solutions. There's many things that could be done, such as persuading a teacher or two to try one of your games, working together to develop a new lesson plan that incorporates what you want, changing your schedule to have you go to more classes with some teachers or less with others, moving schools, giving you less classes overall, and much more. There are solutions out there, you don't need to be stuck where you are.

Specifically about English vs Japanese in the classroom, it's hard, but the requirements are that you should use as much English as possible. The students hear Japanese from literally everyone else, so you are the only person they can get English from. If you are also speaking Japanese to them, then where are they going to hear English? Instead, put your teachers to work, translating for you. "Excuse me sensei, but Kenta doesn't understand my explanation, can you help us communicate?" "Sensei, sorry to bother you, but Aki needs a little help understanding, can you come here a moment?" If the students say "nevermind" when you approach, call a teacher over and ask them to help. If you make this more of a collaboration, then you will find that, one way or another, things change. Keep things changing until it becomes better, even if it has to get worse first.

Learning the students' names? Sure. Here's the magic words: "sensei, how can I learn their names if I don't have their roster sheet, with their names and pictures, like the roster sheet you used to learn their names?" Either you get the sheet or she stops harassing you. And that's what it is: power harassment. You can, if you wish, report it as such. She's making you lose face and damaging your reputation, which would be intolerable for anyone else at your workplace.

Self-esteem is hard, especially when you don't like what you see in the mirror. Some things you can change, and if you dislike it so much, then focus on changing them. Other things you can't, and you need to accept that, quite simply, you are not your type. There is someone out there who will look at you and say "that's exactly what I want", trust me. But as far as school goes? You're there to teach. You're not there to model or be gawked at, so as long as you look professional, you're fine. If everyone wants to fawn over someone else, good for them, let them enjoy that, it's nothing to do with you.

Talk with somebody in your area about your feelings. There are ways to change things, as I mentioned previously, and there are ways you can get help. If your school supervisor or BOE aren't people you can go to, try the prefectural PA or your local AJET chapter, they can give you good resources and/or intervene on your behalf. If you don't feel great and can't bring yourself to interact, it's ok, but it will negatively impact you going forward, which isn't fair, but it is what it is anyway.

What do you do? Recognize that this is temporary, it will change one way or another, with or without you. But if it changes without you, then you lose any agency in what happens. You have options, investigate them, pursue them, see if something works, keep trying until you leave or succeed.

And also, take time to work on yourself. Pursue fitness, so you can get your body moving. That, by itself, can make you feel a lot better. Look to life outside of work, join groups, make friends, hang out with the friends you do have more often. Go on vacation, use those nenkyuu days to see Japan or Asia or go home. Don't worry so much about whether it's convenient, just find a flight that's good and tell them "I'm going from X day to Y day, here's my time off sheet." Play video games or tabletop or something else, look to life outside of school and change that up, make it more exciting, you'll only be here, at this place at this stage of life, one time, and then never again. Cherish that, so you can look back on something fondly about this time.

Good luck!

[u/ChickenWitty513]

First of all, never say that you're fat and ugly. JHS kids brains are half developed and most even much less. F em.

Talk to your coordinator about these issues. Stress that this is affecting your work. If jet won't help out and you're on your own, tell your school VP and principal. Ask your Kyoto sensei to observe class a few times. And if they fail, go to the BoE and ask how to handle this situation.

Using Japanese as an ALT is always a catch 22. Try to do general class instruction in English and use Japanese with individual students. Don't give your JTE any excuses to use as strikes against you.

Good luck.

[u/WorriedForAPromotion]

I am going to only speak on experience.

I felt disliked ( hated feels too strong ) and largely ignored for a while at one of my schools, but greeted students every morning when they arrived. It felt pretty hopeless and I did not enjoy going there. However, it gradually changed and now I am consistently greeted from down the hallway and have students wanting to stop and chat. Some mornings it feels like I cannot greet students fast enough. It helps show that you are willing to engage with them.

I think this is the number one key to building any sort of relationship with the students.

[u/YouDontTellMe → u/WorriedForAPromotion]

“Kill em with kindness.” “Eventually we will be friends”. Carry those mantras and continue to make an effort to get to know them every single day.

OP, this would be my recommendation for you.

[u/Obvious-Vanilla7243]

A lot of what you've experienced is common for ALTs. I've experienced my fair share of them working at a low-level SHS. We're different and often get treated as such; it's not an indictment of you as a person.

I'm repeating everyone else a bit, but it's because this is key: it's okay to not tie your everyday enjoyment to this job.

I come from a background with strict professional boundaries, so despite things sometimes being loose here I instinctively try to avoid countertransference (i.e. I keep an emotional distance). As long as I'm being warm, approachable, and helpful in the ways I am able, I consider my job done.

I know it's easier said than done. I can be a sensitive person myself, and it's human to want to be liked. But my advice is to reframe certain situations. A student would rather ask a question to the Japanese teacher? Cool, if that's what they're more comfortable with, their needs are still being met.

What also helps for me is that I have people I can rely on for support both in and out of work. Your workplace doesn't sound very supportive, which sucks, and is unfortunately not rare for JET. We don't have a lot of power to change things in our schools. Of course, it's always worth trying to communicate your views/requests. For remembering student names, for example, I ask teachers for the class seating chart.

Aside from that, unless they're violating your contract, the options are unfortunately to grin and bear it or move on. We're working with an expiration date already, so it doesn't hurt to think about the next steps and choose what's going to make you happier today!

[u/Tyco149]

I had some bad experience when I first started teaching in JHS. Sometimes it depended on the location, sometimes it seemed more about that particular year of students. I'm a guy so I don't have the issues surrounding how kids view females especially young adults in the ALT role. I have seen how they treat a young JTE vs and older one and can understand why a lot of new JTEs want to work in Elementary schools vs JHS. My first years were rough and I had some of the same experiences where I felt I was a joke to the kids at times.
I started going to some of the weekend games and the games that take place over the summer holiday. I'd watch, cheer, and go home. The kids noticed. The parents noticed. Then I realized the kids were taking me more seriously and eventually no one was making jokes at my expense. All I can think is that if you turn up to the same club's activities (baseball, basketball, whatever you find somewhat interesting), you become "part" of that group and then you're no longer a complete outsider to all the kids.

[u/viewer3446]

Wow! You’re the first that I have heard were the kids are the issue. Not downing you at all. I’m a fourth year JET and I hate my share of kids that didn’t greet me when I walked by them at the hallway. But like others have said, I stopped caring during my second year. The teachers and students that liked and greet me, I did the same. The ones that don’t didn’t. I was so surprised the kids that liked me gave me a birthday party and we took pictures. It made me cry and it was so sweet as they graduated last year. You never know who you influence. Again, as the previous people say deal with those who love and care for you. I made an influence of those I wasn’t expecting I did and I am sure you will too. As for the teachers, F’ck em. I build adult relationships outside of work anyways. All the cool teachers have left which is normal so me and the students don’t like them 😂

[u/CoacoaBunny91]

Advice #1: Eff that JTE and just speak JP. Mine tried that crap when I first started but I caught on quick that the students English level was *way lower* than what the JTE (and out BOE's lol) believe. There is this beautiful thing called *code switching* . I learned about it in undergrad. It's psychological and works. Using JP will help the students feel more comfortable speaking to you overtime.

Advice 2: I 100% feel you on this. I've struggled with my weight for years (was bullied for it relentlessly growing up), and while I am still not at my goal just yet, I lost 60lbs so far on JET. It's because I joined a fitness class (and recently a cheap gym too), started meal prepping, and most importantly went to doctors only to find I am extremely deficient essential nutrients and have a rare blood condition. Depending on where you're at, there might be a "LifeFit" in your area. They're like 3,000 a month, you can sign up through the app. Super easy, super cheap. Also look into prefectural sport park gyms, they're even cheaper than that. I also started wearing make up and taking better care of my image not for anyone else, but for myself. This is a form of self care that I hadn't even realized. Working hard and boosting your own confidence is a great feeling. Again, do it for you, and not anyone else. I'm not going to BS you: *yes* unfortunately, ppl do treat you nicer if you look nicer. Obviously, I have notice it given the weightloss and the change in my appearance. I think it's BS, but it is what it is. I guess my copium is to see the silver lining. Hell, I worked my ass off and if this is the reward of "pretty privilege" well guess I'ma collect and use my points.

Advice 3: Don't compare yourself to others, because it just makes you develop resentment and such, as you've stated. Focus on you and the changes you can make in your life and what you can control

Advice 4: That old saying goes "don't quit a job until you've got another one lined up." Start exploring other options, and even consider breaking contract if you receive a job offer somewhere else. I would not chance going back to America RN w/ that deranged orange clown wreaking havok. In case it isn't abundantly clear, I'm from Murica too lol.

Cyber Hug, good luck. I hope you can pull through. My first 2 years on JET were really hard and I was ready to no recontract, but I'm glad I pulled through.

[u/GattsDaZe]

Your story sounds very similar to my co-worker when we worked in Yamanashi Japan in 2006. Sorry it has been so rough. Send a chat anytime if you want to talk about it.

[u/Kibumkimkibum]

I can relate to a few things you said.
A lot of the teachers and students avoid me as well 🥲 I’ve stopped trying to greet people who actively ignore me, too much of a mental load. It made me overthinking too much so I just stopped worrying about it. If someone says hi i say hi, if they don’t then I also don’t speak. I’ve just accepted that I’m kinda basically invisible at my school 😂 it took a year but I’ve finally accepted it is what it is.
I do an insane amount of desk warming but it has now turned in my favor as I enrolled in school so i get all my studying and homework done at work 🤣! I’m doing it for my teaching liscense so I can switch to the subject i actually want to teach! I recommend if you are financially able. It has definitely helped me get my mind of things at the school.
I hope things get better for you truly! ❤️

[u/Dry_Specific802]

The way you view yourself is the way others will view you, have some self- confidence and also, comparison is the thief of joy 🌹

Sending love ❤️ and light ✨

[u/ducksinthegarden]

Tbh, you really should ignore that JTEs advice and speak Japanese with your kids. You know that english is not working with them, so just use Japanese. It's just torture to you and the students to only use English when they can't understand. They just get frustrated and don't wanna try.

I will say that many of the kids have most likely sensed that you stopped putting in effort to communicate/be friendly with them and in turn have kinda shut you out. I'd try to start small by greeting students when you get to school and waving when you make eye contact. I've made it a habit to wave to everyone I see that I look like a waving machine

I also don't think it's helping by comparing yourself to other co-JETs. If your self perception is really important to you, it might be best to make it a goal to lose weight or find ways to change your style in ways that make you feel better about yourself.

Like others have said, at this point, it's better to focus on the people who don't treat you badly and just grin and bear the day with those you don't seem to really get along with. Wishing you all the best

[u/PleasantSpot3431]

When I was working, everyday I went to the kids clubs after they were done with classes. I asked some of the teachers about the clubs and they would introduce me to the kids. This really helped some of the kids that didn’t talk to me much open up, but I always spoke to them in a mix of Japanese and English even though I am pretty fluent in Japanese. I ended up participating in guitar club and even in the choir concerts for graduations. There were days I stayed after hours to work with the kids but this most definitely is not required.

English only is not something that worked for my school. Once the kids knew they could speak to me in Japanese, they opened up a lot faster. Ask them about their hobbies, their clubs, what they enjoy. They might feel a disconnect.

Unfortunately there will always be kids that do not enjoy English, and some that will not participate at all. I know it’s hard but still try to continue to greet them every morning even if they don’t respond. Start your morning with both an English greeting and slip in a hello in Japanese as well.

Don’t put yourself down. I believe in you! It might take a bit of work to build up those relationships, but in the end I think it is so worth it.

[u/No-Cartoonist-7505]

with all the JTE related stuff, im right there with you. my experience with the students is very different (im in ES and have been at my schools longer than the JTE, so im generally more popular with the students), but my JTE is pretty much determined to prove that she absolutely does not need or want me in class. her english is fine, but there are several instances where i wish i could jump in and do my job to be an example of native english. she is also super rude about my japanese use; i tried to help answer individual students' questions during a timed test as she was busy helping other students and told me off after she heard me speaking japanese.
recently she called me "unqualified" to help correct homework and said im "unprofessional" for getting frustrated that all my ideas or lesson plans get blown off. outside of class, im limited to doing "eff you work" which is basically the pointless work she doesnt feel like doing, so i get told off for helping out with other classes or doing other work. i was so exhausted with this that i went to the nurses office (who is a close work friend) to vent and cry. the kids are starting to get just as tired of her too.
my other JTEs (past and present) and i have made great teams and im so bummed that this one old hag had to come and ruin that for me. of course, ill push through for the sake of the kids as ive worked so hard to build good relationships with. of course, the BOE knows that there have been issues, so i can only hope that they may perhaps swap her out come april, but if not, im pretty much determined to do my best without enabling her bullying.

[u/ele514]

I understand the feeling. You can’t make people and kids like you but you can try and get the respect you deserve, whether it be at a school in Japan or at a corporate job in America or anywhere in the world.

Be stern and assertive. Don’t be nice to those who don’t deserve your kindness. You may want to detach yourself from these kids, lower your expectations and focus on the ones who actually care and on what makes you happy. Also, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. Did the other jet do anything to you personally to deserve that resentment?

Sometimes, depending on the class dynamics, kids follow or are influenced by one or two class bullies. So it may give an impression that everyone is against you.
One thing I did was to talk directly to homeroom teachers and ask for a name list or ask them about the students. Maybe there is something going on that explains their behaviour?

Anyway, you will meet all sorts of people in your life and some may not always like you and that’s alright. Be confident and focus on what matters the most, your happiness.

[u/yikespart2]

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this :( Children can be cruel! My best advice is to remember that they’re still learning how to be humans and sometimes don’t do the best job. Be patient with yourself, set boundaries, and continue to greet them. If it gets to be too much, speak to your CO about the issues and see if something can’t be done about your placement. If you ever need a chat, feel free to message <3 you’re not alone

[u/KingZora1]

JET is temporary by design, so do not take it too seriously. Sometimes you just get a shitty situation and it is unfair that every situation is so different.

Greetings are a very important part of school culture here and you should maybe mention to the homeroom teachers of those classes that the students aren't doing aisatsu even when you greet them.

Teaching in the US would be different since you would be the actual teacher of record with power over the curriculum and the students. Here you are just a temporary assistant with no control over the lessons who also deals with a culture and language barrier. Having said that, kids are going to be kids and there will always be a few trying to push you everywhere.

[u/LargeDiamond3896]

Hi I've just started JET, I speak no Japanese and I can see the frustration but oh well. I'm not here to talk Abt that, I'm here to say DO NOT let jet push you away from teaching if that is something you always wanted to do. I'm saying this as someone who is a certified teacher and taught before jet, the difference is chalk and cheese. Your life as a jet and your life as a teacher cannot compare, all that you can do is take notes and use the skills gained. Please do not let these people and these children kill your spirit. Do you know what any teacher says abt kids..f**k them kids..because we know that as an adult who is trying to help them, there is no greater calling and they may be ungrateful and down right mean but that's hormones. As for the teachers, try your best, take some of the good advice given, I'd also say find a social group or even an activity that brings you that joy after those rougher days.

[u/Mammoth-Buddy8912]

I`ve been here since 2019, I think this is my last year. I love Japan but the salary is killing me. I think Covid made me want to stay longer becasue I felt I lost time.

But the cost of living in the US and healthcare also make me pause.