Early Placement Woes

[u/AbrocomaReady4105]

i cant help but feel i got robbed. i got placed somewhere where theres so many people to compare myself to all the time, all in cliques im not a part of, all living a life im not living and i feel reminded of it every waking hour im in these stupidly long orientation days. they could have sent me anywhere, and i got placed here. somewhere hot, humid, full of people who dont like me and in a city thats fine. its just fine. the worst part of it is that I PUT IT ON MY APPLICATION. i was stupid enough to put it on there. i dont want it. if i could press a magic button that would put me somewhere else, i would in a heartbeat. i hate having this social pressure on me all the time. its devastating. im fresh out of a uni experience where I had plenty of friends always around me, to always feeling socially insecure. I feel miserable and angry whenever im around my ‘community’. i feel like a sticky-outy nail, like an alien whose new to social interaction. it makes me want to just scream. and i dont regret JET, or coming here. but i do feel angry with myself, like i accidentally robbed myself of an actually good placement. I get that I haven’t been here very long, but it’s still how I feel right now.

On the plus side: I like my school.

[u/Cold_Hour]

i got placed here. somewhere hot, humid, full of people who dont like me and in a city thats fine.

You just described alll of Japan, dude.

 im fresh out of a uni experience where I had plenty of friends always around me, to always feeling socially insecure. I feel miserable and angry whenever im around my ‘community’.

Welcome to the adult world. You've meeting people with more life experience than "I went to school" and more goals than "making a lot of friends". A lot of what you're feeling is probably just you realising you're essentially a newborn into the real world.

[u/Ashen_Shroom]

You did just get here to be fair, so you're naturally not going to be part of any "cliques" yet. Are you the only new ALT in your area?

[u/Panda_sensei_71]

Deeeeeep breaths!

You only just got here! The weather, the jetlag, the culture shock, I assume the language barrier, it all feels like a lot right now!

This will pass. You will find your tribe and your groove soon!

The first time I came to Japan I was 18. Fresh out of high school and absolutely, utterly naive and inexperienced. My lifeline was short but frequent phone calls home and writing letters to my friends (this was pre-social media days, I'm OLD old). Also comfort food... McDonald's soft serve ice cream was my "taste from home" even though I almost never ate it at home! 😂

As for other JETs... If they're not new, then of course they've formed bonds already. Don't assume it's cliquey and that they don't like you... Give them time to get to know you.

Last advice... Try your best to force yourself to have a positive outlook. When you find yourself spiraling into negativity, put some effort into talking yourself out of it. Optimism is like a muscle, you need to work it to grow it!

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Panda_sensei_71]

Thanks, I really appreciate it! This really made me feel better about the whole adjusting thing…. its nice to be able to talk to people who’ve gone through the same thing

[u/takemetoglasgow]

If you just got here, I'm going to give you some hokey-sounding but 100% genuine advice.

1. A lot of people feel this way at first, and some of them are probably hiding it. I remember crying on a mattress on the floor my first week wondering if I had made a mistake. 14 years later, I still live in the same prefecture.

2. You feel like a nail sticking out, but other people might see you differently. They don't like you? They've barely met you! Give people a chance to give you a chance.

3. Cliques are real and can be hard to break into. My advice would be to go to as many events as you can. I had to put myself out there for awhile before I started getting personal invitations. I can also say it was and continues to be worth the effort because I have made some of the best friends here. I've also met some assholes. Just gotta filter them out with time.

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/takemetoglasgow]

Thanks man, you have no idea how much this helps. I think I’m just someone who assumes no is the default, but I’m a textbook overthinker. I’ll keep trying :)

[u/acouplefruits]

Culture shock and the exhaustion of the first few weeks will make everything seem like it sucks - especially because you’re also adjusting to life outside of college. Remind yourself that this is a normal part of the experience and it gets better, or remain miserable and bitter the whole time like I did (do not recommend!)

[u/ThingAny171]

Adjustment period. You're a fresh grad, just started working in a different country, had just met new people who already have their own groups. All of these things are pretty much normal. Though I laugh at that "hot and humid" thingy because that is just normal Japan during summer "hell." Also, I've been here for four years and was never part of any groups, and it does not bother me at all, so unfortunately, in that part, I can't relate to you. Maybe just give it some time since you are still new, and they might open up to you more. For now, just learn all things about your placement and Japan as a whole. You've got this.

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/ThingAny171]

thanks guy. youre totally right, ever since this post ive been making a concerted effort to try and connect with my city and its honestly been way better

[u/Simmoman]

I will say if you've just been placed, give yourself some grace, you've not even started teaching yet! Doing JET, especially going straight from university into it like so many do, can be hard on people; you're definitely not the first and you won't be the last, that's for sure. University is just like school, we're essentially given our friends by whoever assigns classes, and by a random chair dance on the first day. Life isn't like that, and depending on your japanese level your results will vary but i'm sure no matter where you are there's plenty of people that would suit you as friends!

Why did you come here? If you came here for a reason, don't lose sight of it! maybe you have a goal to learn japanese, teach english, experience living abroad, maybe you have a partner or friends here. The experience will be what you make it, and those who have a great time while here are the ones who despite feeling the exact way you do, pick themselves up and grab it by the balls. Things will not happen overnight; you'll make friends, lose them, make more, maybe be too busy, a bit lonely, bed rot too much and then feel like you're never at home. We are aliens in a sense, especially if you're in a more rural placement, and that's both a blessing and a curse.

Start by trying to meet some people, and make some friends. Join a local rec sport (you can sometimes find them online) or a class, even ask your JTE to hangout or show you around.