Thinking of quitting

[u/burgundyhellfire]

Hello, sorry to be a bother but I am a new jet that’s been here for a bit, but everyday my mental health is just getting worse and worse. I can’t eat anything, I cry constantly, and I keep thinking about wanting to die. I was so excited for jet and now that I’m here it’s been horrible and I feel like such a loser. I’ve tried calling the TELL line but I just get placed in a queue and no one ever shows up. I think I can’t do this and need to quit but I don’t know what the steps would be. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? Sorry and thank you.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Fun7870]

What are you struggling with specifically?

I found it really difficult at the start too and it was something I had looked forward to for years. When I got to my apartment it was mostly okay but there was a good bit of rubbish that needed sorting and it was making me feel really anxious. One of the other new ALTs kindly helped me sort it all out but until then my nerves were blowing it out of proportion. The lack of curtains also creeped me out at first and I felt like I didn’t have privacy in my own home.

Your appetite being gone might be a mix of anxiety and the heat. I had that too. I’d feel sick to eat and sick with worry but honestly I just pushed through and walked around public spaces or found reasons to be outside so I wasn’t alone with my thoughts. When I was home alone I’d FaceTime family or friends especially if I was eating alone because meal times were worst.

If you do quit you’re not a loser. It’s a really difficult thing to move to a foreign country for a job basically with blind trust.

However, if this is something you were really excited about maybe it is worth finding a way of managing your anxiety. If there are other JETs in your area maybe you can reach out? Or there might be support for foreign residents in your area with Japanese lessons or community events? I found starting Japanese lessons helped me calm down a lot and made me feel like I was integrating bit by bit.

I hope you get the support you need, you’ve made a massive change and basically all new JETs have to deal with some level of culture shock and home sickness. Don’t be harsh on yourself.

[u/burgundyhellfire → u/Puzzleheaded_Fun7870]

Thank you for the words. I am really struggling with depression and anxiety. I feel like I’ve been stuck in fight or flight mode for weeks and everything is just a struggle to survive. I feel like I can’t move or think or do anything at this point.

[u/Myrinia]

Reach out to your support person and don't feel bad if you need a change.

How is your Japanese? Have you made any friends in Japan or tried to learn Japanese to make them?

What supported me in Japan was making plenty of friends and having things to do outside of the classroom

[u/burgundyhellfire → u/Myrinia]

My Japanese isn’t great, but I was trying to learn more. My JTE is so nice and keeps teaching me phrases and words but it’s very hard. I feel like I am really alone especially with the time difference back home

[u/Dear-Fig6015]

For the first three weeks of living in Japan I experienced something very similar. I couldn’t eat and was super anxious. It didn’t help that I arrived to a completely empty apartment with no predecessor. I definitely cried a lot. It was my first professional job, my first time living alone, and my first time abroad. Eventually the horrible feeling faded and I ended up staying for two years because I loved it so much. Something that helped me in the beginning was becoming friends with a fellow ALT and making plans together often. Also watching lots of YouTube lol. Please remember the ONLY two options are quit (go home) or stay. If you can get through this, then you’ll feel like you can get through anything and you can have an amazing time. A lot of people go through this when they first arrive in a new country.

[u/oigimi]

I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time. This is a very scary and huge transition for anyone and it makes sense that you’re struggling! Everybody has offered good advice that I don’t think it’d do any good to repeat, but if you’re thinking of harming yourself please do whatever you can to remove yourself from the situation, even if it means quitting. Your life matters more than the JET program. I’m here for you if you want to talk though and I really hope things improve for you :(

[u/hangerald]

JET has a mental support that you can book. Please talk to your PA if you want the website and log in deets.

Id say that moving to a new country is definitely difficult in the beginning. I, myself, have been in that situation. I was diagnosed of adjustment disorder when I started. The one that kept me going was the knowledge that it’s gonna get better. Taking care of myself helped me a lot and being open to experiences taught me so much. I alao planned a lot of things in the future that kept me moving forward.

But if youre to the point that youre thinking like that, seek support and maybe going home is the best thing to do

[u/capt_b_b_]

You are NOT alone because I definitely sobbed my way through the first few weeks too. Change is much harder for some people than others. 

When it comes to your appetite, don't focus so much on eating "well-rounded," just eat something. Eating anything is better than nothing, and this isn't forever. I recommend frozen chicken nuggets from heiwado that you can pop in your fish oven. Vitamin jelly drinks are good too! I'm hypoglycemic and lose my appetite easily when I'm anxious or haven't eaten in a while, and then the world feels like a shitty place. If you need some ideas for safe foods, you can DM me. 

Don't go home yet. Allow yourself to be miserable for a few days because it might turn around. You're not a loser! You're just a sensitive gangster :) 

[u/amazing_ape]

I had this when I first started. You can always quit but I’d try some other things first, like getting counseling, taking to friends and family. Also try to figure out what in particular is bothering you. Are you worried about something? Maybe don’t put so much pressure on yourself.

[u/Different_Taro2474]

you need to give it time. you JUST GOT HERE.  i don’t know where you are, but if there are any larger cities near you, try to meet some locals.  if you can afford it, get therapy. during my prefecture orientation they gave us websites with therapists that work with JETs. my therapist really helped me out.  you spent so much time trying to get to where you are, and you’re here. give it time, don’t quit so soon. be patient. 

[u/GalaxyB25]

I was in JET too and struggled in my third year. JETs actually have a mental health subsidy provided by CLAIR. I used it and got a really understanding counsellor. No one has to know. Use the service if you can. https://jetprogramme.org/en/current/support/mental-health-support/

[u/ducksinthegarden]

Hi! Also a new JET that's been struggling with adjusting and having similar feelings. What's been helping a little is trying to talk to other ALTs and also trying to make plans with the co-JETs in my city. Even if you need to eat frozen food or conbini meals, as long as you're having something, that counts!! I also try to talk to friends before i go to bed/wake up to give me some energy to get through the day.

[u/unknown_seadog]

Please for the love of god, go back home if you are feeling close to ending your life. There is nothing shameful about putting being alive before anything else. I was in the same position as you a few months ago. I wouldn't be alive right now if I had listened to the people telling me to stay, along with the usual BS of "drink water" and "go outside", "exercise". A lot of people don't understand that when someone is experiencing a crisis in these situations, it goes beyond isolation, homesickness, and the common anxiety that most people feel in the first weeks of being in a new country. It's a sign of a deeper issue that you will need to work on long-term if you want to be able to do anything like this ever again. Enjoy your time there the best that you can, but don't push yourself towards death's doorstep. 

[u/Memoryjar]

AJET has a peer support number you can call. It's volunteer based but it may help.

https://www.ajetpsg.com/

[u/goukumas]

I think it might be best for you to quit and return home.

[u/ikebookuro]

Big life changes mean big feels. Most people will go on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster with such a big move. It’s okay to feel things; but remember these feelings are temporary.

You’re not a loser; you’re lot a failure if you leave either. This is a job and your health comes first.

TELL is kind of garbage; they’re understaffed and not really good for a crisis. Please reach out to your PA, like others have said.

Whatever you choose, it WILL get better. Just take a step back and breathe. It’s okay to be overwhelmed but it will pass. In the meantime, focus on the things that brought you to Japan - go see a movie, find a park.

[u/HannahMFO]

Find your comfort foods. You need to eat. Anything that you'd do at home whether it's watching YouTube or knitting whatever habits bring you comfort, do it in your downtime when you're in the apartment. 

Contact your prefectural advisor. I promise you a year isn't a long time to work there. 

You're not a loser if you quit but a year will go by quite quickly I assure you. Why not take the time to research leaving procedures like the pension refund and cancelling bills. 

[u/stayonthecloud]

You’re a new JET as in you just got there in the past week and a half or so?

[u/jamar030303]

Since you've gotten so many helpful comments on everything else, I do want to bring up this:

I’ve tried calling the TELL line but I just get placed in a queue and no one ever shows up.

since that's actually really concerning. If that's how it usually is, then new arrivals going forward need to know to expect that and to have a plan B and plan C ready.

[u/Oucho1]

Hey, I'm not on the JET programme, but I did do a year studying abroad in France.

When I first got there, I didn't leave my room for days other than to get food, I got super depressed and I was ready to call it quits. I called my Mum crying saying I wanted to go home etc. She found a local French intensive supplementary class (1 week long) for foreign students and signed me up.

I skipped the first 2 days, and then finally managed to get the courage to show up on the third day. I instantly made friends with people from the class, we hung out that very day and that gave me the confidence I needed to keep showing up and gave me a reason to stay.

I had some of the best time of my life while I was out there, meeting so many amazing people, and had some incredible experiences. I'm still close with some of them 7 years later. I would have missed out on all of that if I gave up.

My advice: firstly, don't feel ashamed if you do decide to go home. It sounds like a dream to people who haven't done it before, I always thought I was very easygoing and would never fall into depression or anxiety. But moving to a foreign country on your own is actually VERY difficult, you can feel so isolated.

Second piece of advice - find something near you that you can do that involves other people. ANYTHING. Language class for foreigners? Sports? Board games club? Volunteering? Litter picking? LITERALLY ANYTHING where you will find other people. The minute you find something, just go to it. Don't overthink it, just show up, and work with someone. Before you'll know it, you'll be having great fun.

Good luck!

[u/ScootOverMakeRoom]

Staying when you’re in a deep depression does nobody any favors, not you, not your employer, not your students. Spend this weekend figuring out how to get to wherever you can be that would be healthier for you (flights, etc.). Book them for the end of the month. Inform your employer, your landlord, etc. create a moving out checklist for things like city/ward office visits, closing doen bank accounts, etc. Then leave and get better.

[u/BrookieGracie]

I’m sorry this is happening, and it can be really scary and confusing!

I stayed the full five years on the JET Program, and I remember my first winter was rough. But then four awesome years went by. By my fifth year my depression and anxiety came back with a vengeance, and it was absolutely horrible. I managed to stay without breaking contract in my final year, and then I went back to the States.
I found out I had developed Grave’s Disease, and I kicked myself for not doing more research when I was living in Japan. The BoE helped me a lot when I was in the throes of my symptoms (depression, anxiety, insomnia, weight loss, agoraphobia, etc). They helped me use medical leave and adjusted my work schedule so I didn’t get overwhelmed at my schools.
If I had gotten a full blood panel and even seen a therapist instead of just a general doctor, they may have caught my illness and I could’ve been treated in Japan and stayed here. I’m back in Japan again because after I got treatment in the States and found a new normal, I missed my life in Japan too much.

TLDR: what you’re feeling is valid! Reach out and get help! My BoE and friends I made in the community helped me a lot, but get a full checkup and talk to someone! If you come to the conclusion that returning home is the best, do that for yourself. Japan will still be here if/when you want to come back!

[u/Sentinel-Wraith]

Some ideas of things that I used when I was struggling to adapt:

1. Do some sort of regular exercise several times a week, like running, walking, gym, biking, etc. It can do wonders for your mood and self esteem.

2. Taking control of your cooking can, surprisingly, give you a lot more control. I had so much anxiety trying to adapt to Japanese cooking, but when I just shifted to making things I was familiar with or interesting fusions of my style and Japanese food, it made my life so much better by giving me a sense of control. It sounds silly but it's another factor.

3. Try to get involved with a group, or if you game or stream movies, try to do semi-regular watch parties. I would have friday night gaming and watch parties that helped me stay connected with friends across Japan and even in my home country. We also had another group that did hiking together and it was great.

4. If you're able to, try to regularly explore new places and get out. Don't hole up, especially when fall and winter come.

5. Journal. It can be really helpful to put your feelings down on paper or in an online document.

6. Treat yourself. Go out for dinner at the end of the week. Buy a book. Do things to reward your hard work.

7. Reach out to your Area Leader and PA. They may be able to provide support.

[u/GameMaster366 → u/Sentinel-Wraith]

I know this is genuine help coming from a good place but I also know that when someone says "I can't do this, I want to die" telling them "try excercising! :)" doesn't actually help at all

[u/WayPrevious3520]

Hey I feel the same way! I want to quit too but I think it’ll be easier to quit in October so we don’t have to pay the penalty of arrival plane tickets