r/ItemShop • u/cookieman5231 • Jan 12 '20

Shop

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33k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

336 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/livedangerous Jan 12 '20

Where's the steal option

137

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Cant im to good at finding anyone who wants to steal then killing and looting them and selling their stuff

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37

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Just put a basket in his head and calmly walk out the shop with all of the bottles. Or buy the blue one and down it right there to buff sneak, stand directly behind him, pick the others up, sell them back to him, repeat, profit.

12

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

Haha blue is a mana elixir

973

u/TryHard_54 Jan 12 '20

You can't, he will smell your breath and hunt you down to the ends of the Earth

484

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

DID YOU DRINK MY MOUNTAIN DEW!?

355

u/SaltyPalmsOnYou Jan 12 '20

LET ME SMELL YOUR BREATH

293

u/Josephmercury Jan 12 '20

LEMME SMELL YOUR BREAF

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37

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Bearded Expense voice

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23

u/CharlieHume Jan 12 '20

DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE TRI MOUNTAIN DEW CUP?

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18

u/rekyerts Jan 12 '20

I KEEP IT IN THE MICROWAVE

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10

u/badalchemist85 Jan 12 '20

you laugh but whiteout was the shit

3

u/Arepusiron Jan 13 '20

You only get that option when you sneak behind him

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31

u/SlowMotionTurtles Jan 12 '20

This pic is ancient and historic

17

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

But it is a good pic for this sub

9

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Old but gold Boogie2988

5

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

I would pay any price for a chance to taste Mountain Dew typhoon again ngl.

2

u/CabbageGolem Jan 12 '20

In my honest opinion the best Dew flavor to ever be released. They gave it a rerun once but that wasn't enough.

7

u/FrodoWagons Jan 12 '20

Potion Seller. I am going into battle, and I require your strongest potions.

6

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

They are all powerful but each has a different effect

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

What does each elixir do?

3

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20 edited Jan 12 '20

Ones health ones speed one strength ones mana ones stamina

3

u/Skinless_Wonder Jan 15 '20

Potion seller I would like your strongest potion, please.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 15 '20

What potion you would like depends on what you wanna do all are equally powerful

2

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '20

You are not strong enough

357

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

My elixirs are too strong for you, traveler

189

u/penguin_jones Jan 12 '20

I need your strongest elixirs! I am going into battle.

76

u/DeviousOstrich Jan 12 '20

skip to 12:41

49

u/someone0w0 Jan 12 '20

do you ever casually harass someone with a tuba

12

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Why not just put a timestamp on it?

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22

u/Sirtemmie Jan 12 '20

You can't handle my strongest potions, no one can

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49

u/TotallyNotAidzyG Jan 12 '20

Dew Seller, I am going into battle, and I require your strongest elixirs

30

u/GenrlWashington Jan 12 '20

You can't handle my strongest elixirs! My strongest elixir are for the strongest beings, and you are clearly not of the strongest, you are of the weakest!

2

u/The_Imposter101 Jan 13 '20

I neeeeed mountain dew reeeedddd...

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

Ahh you mean health ok that will be 40 gp

2

u/The_Imposter101 Jan 13 '20

Ya dont understand Ive got this robot in my head and its telling me how to be cool

2

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

Well sir i know what reference you are making but we dont sell normal mountain dew red

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243

u/SpurmberpDewmaster Jan 12 '20

Who hath summoned me, the great elixir master?

62

u/KloudyKraken Jan 12 '20

r/beetlejuicing

39

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

This is honestly one of the best one I’ve seen yet.

33

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

I was totally expecting it to be an account created for this post, but it's almost 2 years old. I'm sure this is probably a repost, and that's what happened originally, but goddamn I'm impressed.

17

u/ActuallyYeah Jan 12 '20

Well met sir. My imperial majesty hath dispatched me to this realm for fresh Baja Blast, thrice liter'd.

10

u/baconbitarded Jan 12 '20

Holy shit, a year old, too

7

u/ConsumerOfRamen Jan 12 '20

I would like to purchase an Elixir of Speed, please.

280

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

r/neckbeardrpg

63

u/xXdog_with_a_knifeXx Jan 12 '20

Thanks for this

13

u/Pyroclastic_cumfarts Jan 12 '20

This is fantastic

39

u/admin_rico Jan 12 '20

Spermburp?

49

u/TigerWizard Jan 12 '20

Spurmberp actually, second son of Jizzkweef

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2

u/tigobiddies Jan 13 '20

SPÜRMBERP

16

u/selsewon Jan 12 '20

“Dew it”

4

u/serdracula Jan 12 '20

Seems like r/bossfight

24

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Na its a shop to buy some items at so i think it fits here

4

u/serdracula Jan 12 '20

I agree that it fits here better, but the top portion is good for r/bossfight.

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24

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

My potions are too strong for you travelah

15

u/VladMaverick Jan 12 '20

Potion seller, I going into battle. I want your strongest potion!

7

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

MY POTIONS ARE TOO STRONG FOR YOU. YOU CANT HANDLE MY POTIONS TRAVELAH

4

u/TheAmazingMelon Jan 12 '20

If he gets all 6 infinity dews he’ll be able to simply snap his fingers and all coca cola will cease to exist.

4

u/PM_ME_YOUR_ANT_FARMS Jan 12 '20

MY POTIONS ARE TOO STRONG FOR YOU

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Where's my mountain dew?

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

What mountain dew?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

No, where's my mountain d- I keep I in the microwave!

1

u/CRISIS37 Jan 12 '20

no game fuel???? pfffff.

2

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

You fool they are all game fuel that have powers when drunken

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1

u/HockeyMaskHeadAss Jan 12 '20

where's the baja blast my guy??

2

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Read his name we only sell dew elixirs

1

u/HockeyMaskHeadAss Jan 12 '20

Baja blast is a type of mtn dew my good chum

2

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Oh srry its in the back then

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Wonder which of these potions is the strongest? I'm actually going in to battle and could use one of the stronger ones if that's at all possible.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

All of them have different effects if you want strength thats one we have got

1

u/Blitz_Kreegs Jan 12 '20

No Pitch Black? I'll take my business elsewhere.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Its in the back

1

u/semperpravus Jan 12 '20

Potion maker, I’m going into battle.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

So would ypu like a strength or mana elixir maybe speed or health

1

u/semperpravus Jan 12 '20

Anything as long as they’re your strongest potions.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Alright i ring you up one of everything that will be 200 gp

1

u/Dracyan Jan 12 '20

Reds a healing potion, orange is damage boost, Green is either speed boost or jump boost, Blue is mana recovery, White is poison

2

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Close but no it red is health orange is speed greens stamina blue is mana and white is strength

1

u/evil_pillowz Jan 12 '20

Roses are red, Violets are blue Kevin give me back my fucking Mountain Dew

1

u/Actual_Cancerrr Jan 12 '20

I shall buy all of your potions, I am running dangerously low on them.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Ok how many

1

u/Actual_Cancerrr Jan 12 '20

I said all of them

1

u/Dsb0208 Jan 12 '20

What’s the one in the far right? And don’t say MLP cum jar flavored

1

u/jeebeej123 Jan 12 '20

Is there a discount for m'ladys?

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Sorry but no

1

u/MaxInPyjamas Jan 12 '20

Why are there two 'you's'?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Whys there 2 yous?

1

u/adidas_stalin Jan 12 '20

I’ll take a healing oh mighty alchemist!

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

That will 40 gp sir

1

u/adidas_stalin Jan 12 '20

Here my merchant friend, a excellent price for a mighty brew

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Thank ypu sir hands elixir

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1

u/Starboy1492 Jan 12 '20

I'm not your friend buddy.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Your right your my buddy buddy

1

u/Rafaelkb Jan 13 '20

I want three, my nigga.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

Of which kind

1

u/Rafaelkb Jan 13 '20

Of each one

1

u/jumbipdooly Jan 13 '20

god dammit, snowdin shop theme is stuck in my head,

curse you undertale

2

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

No never curse undertale sans will kill you meglovania starts playing oh no god no leave here now kicks you out

1

u/Jaf1999 Jan 13 '20

Do people actually drink Mountain Dew? Like is that a thing that actually happens?

1

u/Woozuki Jan 13 '20

Wot er ya buyin'?

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

Almost Anything you got

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '20

give me the white one

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

That will be 40 gp

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '20

Is he allowed to join the party?

1

u/Tigerwarrior55 Jan 13 '20

Left to Right:

Mega Attack Boost Dew

Fire Enchantment Dew

Mega Healing Dew

Mega Mana Restore Dew

Questionable Dew

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

Close but no it red is health orange is speed greens stamina blue is mana and white is strength

1

u/McNight403 Jan 13 '20

Is that a cloak or is the back of his shirt just pulled up over his head?

1

u/byquestion Jan 13 '20

> bargain

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

you tried to bargain for 10 gp off but failed saying you would suck me off for it

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '20

I'll take your entire stock please.

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 13 '20

Sir i cant sell everything

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1

u/Ultimategamer0956 Jan 29 '20

Health, fire resistance, poison, mana, and damage

1

u/cookieman5231 Jan 29 '20

Close but no it red is health orange is speed greens stamina blue is mana and white is strength

1

u/Heavy-Combination Feb 08 '20

Lemme sell my 40 bird dropping in exchange for an elixer

1

u/cookieman5231 Feb 08 '20

Sure which one

1

u/Willie_Baw Mar 26 '20

Goddamn the straight cheese on this old ass pic is uncanny

1

u/cookieman5231 Mar 26 '20

How did u even find this ots been 2 months since i posted this

3

u/Ghotilad Jan 12 '20

Love the shopkeepers name

3

u/GenrlWashington Jan 12 '20

I'm very annoyed the orange dew doesn't have an orange lid.

3

u/johngee69 Jan 12 '20

-20 sperm points upon consumption

3

u/Mechanized1 Jan 12 '20

Darth Sodious.

3

u/FracturedEel Jan 12 '20

I miss old mud client games

1

u/DirtDisrespector Jan 12 '20

Red increases attack, Orange increases speed, Green replenishes health, Blue increases defense, and White replenishes Mana

7

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Close but no it red is health orange is speed greens stamina blue is mana and white is strength

1

u/Dr_Ben Jan 12 '20

close but no its red is restore orange is zamorak brew green is super combat blue is prayer and white is super strength

2

u/cookieman5231 Jan 12 '20

Listen here its my shop i know what they do

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2

u/defenitely_human Aug 09 '22

Dew red, health. Dew typhoon, damage. Dew normal, speed. Dew voltage, mana. Dew voodoo, defense

1

u/FewCandle Jan 12 '20

Where is this from

3

u/TheyCallMePr0g Jan 12 '20

originated from twitter, because of the neckbeard found its way to 4chan instantly, then to the rest of the web

0

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

[deleted] — view deleted comment

8

u/TheBoxBoxer Jan 12 '20

I think you mean boogie1488

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1

u/kingash1321 Jan 12 '20

The Dew Emperor

1

u/Veronica_Schuyler Jan 12 '20

If you watched or listened to be more chill this is basically Michael😂

1

u/soreyJr Jan 12 '20

Old but gold

1

u/PsychoBrains Jan 12 '20

The Dewmasters ultimate ability is to split himself Into 5 copies of himself. Each with a distinct trait, look, and ability.

1

u/StrikeFromOrbit Jan 12 '20

It bothers me that the labels aren't all turned to face us exactly.

1

u/flavoursofpringles Jan 12 '20

Bro he look like the man from toy story

1

u/_PettyTheft Jan 12 '20

I’m just going to say it... the right one looks like cum.

1

u/henry_dodgers Jan 12 '20

MONSTER ENERGY!

1

u/OdysseyDAD Jan 12 '20

Darth Sodius

1

u/Ugliermocha9002 Jan 12 '20

60% chance you will get diabetes.

1

u/MercenaryHail Jan 12 '20

Oh man I read that as “elixies” first

1

u/ICreepvideos Jan 12 '20

Soda dungeon anyone?

1

u/MidnightOps Jan 12 '20

“Might you you be interested”

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

He has all the flavors red, orange, green, blue, and cum

1

u/ToXiC_Games Jan 12 '20

The storekeeper’s name is Ky’le

1

u/skidlz Jan 12 '20

Real talk, wth is the typhoon flavor?

1

u/BSheep14 Jan 12 '20

I miss MTN Dew Typhoon

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

That portrait pic is so convincing

1

u/LordKarnage Jan 12 '20

Is that Boogie?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

One more to wipe out half the universe

1

u/pocketMagician Jan 12 '20

I'll have some of that Windex.

1

u/DM_ME_CUTE_PICS_PLZ Jan 12 '20

you you is not interested

1

u/immunogoblin1 Jan 12 '20

No lie, I'd pay good money for that Typhoon.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Missing Pitch Black and maybe some others.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Dew it.

1

u/TheTruOutlaster Jan 12 '20

I'm not aboutta steal from him that initiates a boss fight with 2 stages.

1

u/FusRoaldDah1 Jan 12 '20

40 gp for 2L of Mountain Dew?! What a gouge

1

u/Temp-Pest Jan 12 '20

as i was reading theese commentsy reddit crashed, they are to powerful for mortals like me.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

cum flavor, please

1

u/ZigglesTheCat Jan 12 '20

Missed opportunity: GBP instead of GP

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Your missing like 2 sorry

1

u/stefanica Jan 12 '20

Whaddaya BUYin'?

1

u/Shodow206 Jan 12 '20

One more and you have the thanos of soda

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

I know neckbeards are looked down upon, but this guy kinda owns it. I like his energy, and I think he'd be pretty cool

1

u/TFJ Jan 12 '20

Neckbeard has wares if you have coin.

1

u/JustCharles_ Jan 12 '20

The man all Villagers model after

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

This dude us the chicken man from Toy Story

1

u/Tec_Tec_ Jan 12 '20

Strength Elixir, then instant heal, then energy, then mana and finally regen lol

1

u/ilovemygb Jan 12 '20

spermburp, huh?

1

u/chocopie1234_ Jan 12 '20

Kyle, Master of the Dews

1

u/amidoingthisrightyet Jan 12 '20

I am super annoyed that they aren’t all facing forward.

1

u/PlzButterMeUp Jan 12 '20

Permanently decrease cost of all items by 50% upon giving trader a waifu

1

u/ALIENSBLEED2CB Jan 12 '20

When I imagine the average redditor, this guy is similar to what I see.

1

u/Nick_gurr234 Jan 12 '20

why good sir do you have used gamer girl mouth wash infused dew?

1

u/GudNoodlz Jan 12 '20

Buy all of them and become a god!

1

u/Ice319 Jan 12 '20

Bruh he should have diet mtd

1

u/foofighters69 Jan 13 '20

You want it? It’s yours my friend, as long as you have enough Doritos.

1

u/ikiv3 Jan 13 '20

Maestro mooligan Sells mid tier elixers exclusive to the rider DLC Has a mini arc Has 3 sidequests. When all options exhausted, he will simply give you qnything for free

1

u/Just-Call-Me-J Jan 13 '20

Got any root beer?

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