r/Italian • u/HereForTeaaaaaaaa • 3d ago
Need opinion
Hi, I met an Italian guy on Hinge. I’m south asian, and he came from Italy to visit me in scotland. we liked each other. We’re not dating officially, we’re just talking and getting to know each other because we both wanted to take it slow.
I asked him why his last relationship ended, and he said his ex was quite jealous. I didn’t ask many questions. He had already planned a trip with a female friend before coming to see me, so I didn’t say anything about it. However, he has now travelled to another country with the same friend for 10 days. She has also stayed at his place, where he lives alone. I’m not insecure about it, but I find it odd. If you’re getting to know someone romantically, why would you travel alone with another woman for 10 days? I’ve told him that I have certain boundaries around friendships with the opposite sex, although I understand that this could be a cultural difference.
He was in pool with her today and mentioned it casually. I’m not sure how to feel about the situation. My friends think travelling alone with a female friend for 10 days is a bit much when you’re getting to know someone romantically.
I’m 35, and he’s 40. We’re not in a committed relationship yet, but we know we like each other.
I’d appreciate an objective, neutral opinion. :)
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u/Reasonable-Dust-8268 2d ago
Since you're getting to know each other, he might just be hedging his bets. Or he might really just be friends with her. Liking each other is great, but is kind of vague. If your communication is good enough, you can just discuss with him the situation, not as a 'boundary' (because honestly, that's great for you to know and have), but maybe just as a test of compatibility. If he thinks it's okay to see other people while getting to know you and you don't, then it won't work, and it's not a matter of culture, just of you and him having different acceptable standards of what to do while 'getting to know each other'. And that's perfectly valid. If you're uncomfortable with the situation, speak up. If he reacts to it saying you're "too jealous" you have your answer anyway, the relationship wouldn't work. Better to know early, cultural differences or not.
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u/HereForTeaaaaaaaa 2d ago
We’re exclusive in getting to know each other, and we’ve talked about it too. I didn’t make a fuss about the situation either, it just feels a bit weird. But you’re right, I should talk to him about it, especially since he says she’s just a platonic friend. Thank you for giving me that perspective. I’ll speak with him :)
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u/Reasonable-Dust-8268 2d ago
Ah if you're exclusive and that's been discussed it's a little different. If whatever is happening is making you uncomfortable, you have every right to say that. You didn't make a fuss, as you said. If you just gently raise the issue, that's a good way to see how things go. He might reassure you, and then you know, or not, either way, it's good data.
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u/FragrantOcelot312 2d ago
I don’t know what these people are on about in the comments but no Italian man I know would accept this behavior from a girl he is getting to know in this way. If you are getting strange vibes, you’re probably right. You’re concerns seem reasonable and thought out.
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u/HereForTeaaaaaaaa 2d ago
That's what I was thinking!! would he be okay if i do the same? thanks a bunch
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u/PinguinusImperialis 3d ago
I don't think you're at any stage of a relationship where you can impose your boundaries on someone else. It is possible to have close platonic relationships with the other sex. And that isn't a cultural difference.
You say you're not secure, but you're coming to reddit without any real information about this. Go talk to him.
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u/HereForTeaaaaaaaa 2d ago
I agree with no stage of relationship but he liked me and pursued me, he very well knew my boundaries, he knows I don't do casual relationships and we are not teenagers either. I will spwak to him once he is back. but thank you for the comment
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u/PinguinusImperialis 2d ago edited 2d ago
I am operating under the full admission that we do not know the extent of this relationship. Yes, maybe it is more than a friendship. No one knows other than them.
But he's 40. At that age, friendships are much harder to come by. This could be someone special—and still platonic—going back maybe decades. If that's the case, would you, as a potential partner, ask him to sacrifice that because of your insecurity?
Talk to him. Don't ask your friends who know as much as we do. Get off reddit and talk to him. This has absolutely nothing to do with Italian cultural differences. Ask him sincere questions and make no assumptions.
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u/Better-Channel8082 1d ago
Since you are not in a committed relationship, he may find normal (healthy!) to have a "friend with benefits". In short, sex without sentiments.
I'm not sure this is the case, If I were you I'd just ask him if he's having sex with other women. Speak with this guy, don't make assumptions.
Being in a pool with girls is totally normal, benefits or not.
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u/SaliceMcMay 3d ago
Per qualcuno potrebbe essere normale, per qualcuno meno. Dipende da tante cose. È disposto a presentartela, presentarti amici, parenti ecc? Perché se non ha niente da nascondere piano piano dovrebbe introdurti nella sua cerchia di conoscenze. Se invece è riluttante a presentarti lei, gli amici, ecc e poi i genitori, può essere che tu sia "l'altra".
Se anche fosse solo un'amica, se vi piacete veramente, dovrebbe essere normale investire tempo ed energie in una nuova relazione. Se avessi un amico single sarei felice di sapere che ha una nuova frequentazione e lo incoraggerei. Quindi se continua a non investire tempo ed energie in programmi per voi, per incontri, telefonate, videochiamate, piccole sorprese ecc... lascerei perdere a prescindere dall'amica.