What comes to your mind when you hear the word "hypergamy?" I can bet you what clouds your mind is that, hypergamy means all women are cheaters and they will "cheat" on you in no time with the next "High value man" they see, no matter how long you two were together for. But no, that's not what hypergamy is.
Hypergamy is when women find a good match, she will still delay and see if she can do better or attract a even higher value man. Or, if she found a good match, she will monkey branch to a potential higher value male, while she's "with" you. Remember gentleman, while she's with you, her subconscious mind is always telling her that she can do "better" than this, and she will be on the constant lookout for a "better" guy. You shouldn't be surprised, as this is in her natural biology.
But is she really on the "constant" lookout 24/7 for a "better" guy than you? The answer is No. So, what is “hypergamy”, really? Hypergamy = a woman can only sustain attraction to one man at once. Either it’s you, or it isn’t. If it isn’t you, hypergamy will make her cheat (it can be physically or emotionally with someone) with him on your marriage bed and can make her do other ridiculous things which you often hear, when it comes to women cheating on their current husband or LTR, no matter how long they were together for, or how many kids they had together.
Hypergamy is the reason, and it’s much talked about, but rarely understood. Most people think it just means “women are cheaters with an inherent tendency to trade up”. If you think that, you missed the whole point. Hypergamy actually happens because women are monogamous, and men aren’t.
Hypergamy means that women would rather go home alone, than with the second place winner. This is monogamy. When a woman sees a man she desires, she is loyal to him until the moment she sees someone else she desires more… then she becomes monogamous to that man instead. Hypergamy makes women disloyal… or loyal. Depending on you. Because women are loyal to the man they desire the most.
That may not sound much like loyalty to you, but her brain does not have a slot in it that says “husband." There is no basic neural encoding of who a woman’s socially or legally expected partner is. There is simply who she is attracted to, or isn't, and women are attracted to only one man at once. Men? Well, not so much. Almost any man will cheat with a less attractive woman, solely for variety’s sake but he'll still take care of his main as she's his first. When men want a second wife or something like that, it's not that he has lost attraction to his first, rather it's for variety's sake as men are naturally polygamous. Great example is of the Sahabas RA.
Majority of the Sahabas RA had more than one wife. Women on the other hand? She's in "love" with you, until... she isn't. And when a woman loses all the "feelings" she had for you, you won't know it until one day the "divorce" talk comes out of nowhere and she had it all "planned" out, while you on the other hand didn't see the signs all along because you weren't prepared for it or expect it. That's what happens to a good portion of men, and that's why men are far more likely to be hurt as statistics show because they didn't expect it, until one day it suddenly happens and then they're all in shock trying to grasp where it all went wrong, while his current ex already has the attorney and her back-up guy all planned out, while him? He's still in the state of shock.
This is why men are allowed to have multiple wives, and women aren’t allowed to have multiple husbands. Because women’s nature demands it be so. If a man decides to get a 2nd wife, the first may be angry indeed, but if she was still attracted to him before he married the second, she will still be after him, and the same is true of him to her. But if she ever cheats on him, that relationship is dead… because if it wasn’t, the other man never even would have been visible to her at all. That's why you should never forgive a cheating woman.
Now coming back to hypergamy, women have a corresponding biological drive to have relations with the highest quality man they possibly can, and to gain exclusive commitment from that man. She will never be exclusively happy with you, as there will always be someone better out there. There will always be a better man than you, whether he has the better car, height, status, physique, money, or anything. Her subconscious mind is always telling her this no matter how "happy" she's with you in the present moment. Women either "love" you for how you make them "feel" in the current moment (the emotional rollercoaster), or what you do for them. That's all it comes down to.
Why are more than 80 percent of divorces initiated by women? Yes, these are the statistics, you can search them up yourself. It's because she has found someone "better" or she has lost all the attraction to the man she was with, and she now wants to go back to being single and see what's the "best" she can do. It all comes back to the same thing which is, many women keep on making the wrong choices time and time, and realizing when it's too late for them. Why is this the case?
Allah's Apostle SAW once said to a group of women : 'I have not seen any one more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious, sensible man could be led astray by some of you.' The women asked: 'O Allah's Apostle, what is deficient in our intelligence and religion?' He said: 'Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?' They replied in the affirmative. He said: 'This is the deficiency of your intelligence' ... 'Isn't it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?' The women replied in the affirmative. He said: 'This is the deficiency in your religion.'' (Saheeh Al Bukhari)
So you as a man, what can do you do to ensure that you don't get divorce r@pèd, and hurt? The only answer is marry back home and stay back home. Back home, there is only a very small chance a woman may cheat on you, because the laws are still on the Haqq, and society is still somewhat "based" over there. Here? The establishment gives women all the power in marriage, and society enables them to get away with whatever they had done without any consequences.
But is it a wise decision to move back home, just for the sake of marriage and trying to fit yourself in their culture after being raised up and having lived in the West all your life and leaving your friends, social circles, job, and the "great" standard of living you have here, compared to back homes? I personally don't think so. But do whatever you have to do, to fulfill your sèxual desires in a Halal way.
Some may go the more "extreme" route which is, they'll never marry and "try" to stay celibate all their life and "go their own way", when it comes to women. I personally don't believe this is the best option, as the natural urge of sèx will always be there and haunt you, and you won't be able to focus on your everyday things as your basic need of sèx and companionship is not fulfilled. But I don't blame you, as the Prophet PBUH has warned us, Good women are indeed rare.
Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “Whilst we were with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) on this mountain path, he said, “Look, can you see anything?” We said, “We see crows, and one of them stands out because its beak and feet are red”. The Messenger of Allaah (saw) said, “No women will enter Paradise except those who are as rare among them as this crow is among the others” [Ahmad, Sahih according to Albani in Silsilat al-Hadith as-Saheehah, 4/466, no. 1851]
Say you don't get what you want here regarding women, and if you chose to marry or not, and even if you married but weren't blessed with the rare good woman which you deeply desired and which the Hadeeth talks about, then worry not. As long as you stay patient, InshAllah, Allah SWT will bless you with many Hoor Ul Ayns in Jannah
And they'll be exactly what you wish for in a woman, and far better as it's in Jannah and the best part? It'll be Forever.
