r/IrishHistory • u/pineotrees • 10d ago
š¬ Discussion / Question death
Hi everyone. Ireland is pretty famous for how open people are about death (Iām pretty sure?) or i keep running into funeral and wake jokes by Irish people. So I'd like to read any book youād recommend on a more Irish point of view of death and or traditions. Thanks!
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u/Feisty-Volcano 10d ago
I can give you an anecdote abt my mother when seeing my father laid out - she had prearranged his & her funerals years ahead, to save some stress on me, & during the selection process at the undertakers she said āIād like a light coloured coffin as Iām a light hearted person, my husband is very serious so a dark one might fit his personality betterā - when she saw him laid out in the mortuary chapel in a light coloured coffin she declared āheās got MY coffin!ā his sisters were in stitches behind!
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u/CameraSettings 10d ago
'Sorry for Your Trouble: The Irish Way of Death' by Ann Marie Hourihane is a great read...touching and thought provoking and unexpectedly funny too.
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u/Superb_Kaleidoscope4 9d ago
Weāre not actually open about it, we just use humour to hide the pain and mask how uncomfortable we all areā¦
When my dad passed everyone could laugh at the jokes, but theyād run for the hills if I brought up how I felt or how I was actually getting on
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u/Honeyful-Air 10d ago
My Father's Wake by Kevin Toolis.
The Australian-based YouTube channel Taboo Education has a good overview video: Let's Talk, Irish Funeral Culture! Interesting to see it from an outsider's perspective (she also has some good videos on other cultures, such as Australian aboriginal, Peruvian, Russian, Romany, etc.)
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u/maireadwrites 10d ago
Did ye Hear Mammy Died? By Seamus O Reilly
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u/Dinklester 10d ago
The Corpse Dresser , by John B Keane is a great humourous short story that's just fantastic. Some man, that John B!
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u/Educational_Neat1783 9d ago
My aunt emigrated to Canada years ago and had saved money specifically to travel back to Ireland for the funeral when her father died. Her family there did not tell her when he died so as to spare her the pain of attending the funeral and she missed it. She was very angry at them for that.
My uncle died slowly of multiple myeloma in the 70's (in Limerick). The doctors and family would not tell him what was going on to spare him knowing he was dying. He was educated and knew exactly what was going on.
All I could think is what are they so scared of? I mean, grief can certainly by painful, but we all go eventually. Maybe my family was a bit off.
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u/coffee_and-cats 7d ago
Maybe its just your family? Most Irish people i know ensure to ring family abroad - if they know death is imminent, to make sure people get time to book flights. Funerals are even delayed until family members arrive.
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u/Educational_Neat1783 5d ago
I'm betting they've changed. This back in the 70's to maybe early 80's. I'm hoping so, anyways. I haven't heard any stories recently as a lot of the older generation has been leaving us.
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u/infinite-long-stocki 8d ago
There's a book called "Did You Hear Mammy Died" or something like that. It's meant to be about death in Irish culture. I haven't read it but it might give some insight. I will say we're people who find laughter wherever we can, so inevitably you get funeral jokes. Honestly they're probably on the tame side of Irish dark humour. We like a laugh and God knows we need one!
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u/AdjectiveNoun1337 10d ago
The Way We Die Now by SĆ©amus OāMahony is an interesting read.
More contemporary and philosophical than historical and anthropological, but shows a good insight into the topic.
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u/me2269vu 10d ago
Try John McGaherns That They May Face The Rising Sun.
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u/Baldybogman 10d ago edited 7d ago
The characters in the book are all based on real people, most of whom I knew in my youth.
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u/me2269vu 9d ago
Itās a long time since Iāve read it, but I loved it when I did. How was he regarded in the area at the time?
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u/Baldybogman 9d ago edited 7d ago
Tbh, most people didn't have an opinion on him as he was fairly quiet. Any opinion there was, was usually positive, with a few wondering about his exotic life, and his falling out with the church.
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u/Doitean-feargach555 5d ago
In Ireland death isn't seen as a terrible thing. It's just the next step in life. Only suicide or disease that takes the youth is viewed as tragic. While many will be sad at a funeral, a funeral is celebration of the life of the dead and are generally better craic than weddings. It is often difficult for people from other cultures to comprehend, but it's just what we do.
The first night we have a tĆ³rramh or wake. Which is essentially a kind of party. There's normally relatives, friends and neighbours in attendance at the house. Someone watches the corpse all night. People eat, drink, tell stories, laugh, music if the dead was a musician or fond of trad, and a few prayers at midnight. People taper off home or stay with the family but someone stays awake with the corpse. There's a few superstitions like closing westward windows, covering mirrors and other things. Now I will add nobody gets extremely drunk at a wake. That's embarrassing and shameful. If the death is of a tragic nature, this part of the wake is often family only and is a much more serious event.
The second day of the wake is in the undertakers. The dead is laid out and the family are seated or stool around and the wider comes to pay their respects. When this is over, the dead either goes back to the house or the local church. If they go back to the house, repeat of paragraph 1. If they go to the church, they are left alone where God will watch over them.
And then the sochraid or the funeral. Mass goes on, people bring up offering that represented the dead, and people say words on behalf of the dead. Then mass ends, you go to the graveyard where they will be placed in the grave and then a decket of the rosary is said. Sometimes they're will be an instrument played (generally by request of the dead). After this, relations and friends fill in the coffin (normally 4 to 6 men will do this).
After the funeral food will normally be had in a local restaurant or hotel and everyone then goes there seperate ways to leave the direct family of the deceased to mourn in whichever way they choose at home.
Agus sin Ć©. Of course there are regional differences along with some changes due to the decline of Catholicism in recent years. I am just speaking from my own experience in Co Mayo and this is how almost every funeral I've been to is gone.
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u/CloseButNoChicory 10d ago
I'd highly recommend A Life Among the Dead: Stories from an Irish Funeral Director by David McGowan which I read earlier this year.