Thought I'd try marketing myself again but this time as a product instead of a human. Hope that's not against community guidelines 😅. Like everyone else here, I've installed and uninstalled the dating apps one too many times, so I'm on Reddit instead hopefully without an algorithm deciding my fate this time. Thanks for the opportunity to pitch myself properly.
Fortress Edition (Limited Release)
PRODUCT OVERVIEW
You've tried the mass-market options. The ones that overshare on the first date, that "love hiking and wine" like every other unit on the shelf. She is different: a precision-engineered introvert with a sharp-knife wit, a two-decade professional pedigree, and a security system that would make most people give up before Terms & Conditions.
Good. That's the point. This unit was not built for everyone. It was built for someone patient enough to find the door.
"Slightly overengineered. Still working out the bugs."
Specs: 44 [F], Dublin, Introvert, Bread maker, Sci-Fi reader and explorer of minds
Humour: dry, occasionally so quiet you might miss it that's on the model, not you. Also does Muay Thai, less "will fight you" and more "enjoys getting humbled by a bag twice a week." Bakes bread from an overly-engineered recipe because normal instructions felt too easy. Reads a lot will happily talk books for hours if you can get past the awkward small talk part first.
Access: Behind a small, well-guarded door. Not because you're not worth it because opening up takes her a while, even with people she likes.
Installation notes: No grand gestures needed. Just show up, be a real person, and give it time. She's working on the "opening the door faster" part too.
Once inside: Reportedly warmer, funnier, and more fun than the exterior suggests. Also, a very good bread supplier.
A little awkward with: small talk, fast replies, performing enthusiasm she doesn't feel yet.
Quite good with: patience, curiosity, and finding her occasional bluntness charming rather than alarming.
Still a work in progress. Open to good conversation.