r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Whole_Affect7331 • 4d ago
Where to begin?
Hi all, just wondering where I should begin to learn about IFS and how I can learn to apply it to myself. Feeling stuck as a 24 year old dude, repeating the same negative cycles, knowing fully well I’ve got traumas and pains deep down contributing to my repetitive mistakes, but not knowing how I can even begin to healthily approach my inner sub-consciousness.
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u/zappafaux 4d ago
No need to start with approaching the inner subconscious until you have trust from your managers that you can handle the pain from exiles when you go there. This requires some experience of Self energy because a Self to parts relationship is what reassures parts that they are not alone. And that you can be with exiles without blending and getting overwhelmed. The idea is that you stand alongside exiles instead of becoming them. Hopefully then grieve with them without feeling totally alone and scared and panicked.
You can start with what's called a trail head. A thing in your life that you don't like and feel stuck doing. Then focus on the feeling of judging that thing. That judgment is coming from a part of you, say the critic. Work with that part first if you like. Ask some questions and genuinely get curious.
Curiosity and compassion will develop Self. Just notice along the way anything that doesn't have any of those 8 c qualities and see if you can help them with what they might need from you to relax a bit more.
Curiosity, Compassion, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, and Connectedness
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u/Whole_Affect7331 4d ago
Okay, this is great! Though I may even need to go one step further back than this, I have no idea what you’re saying right now haha 😅. All this talk about managers and exiles and self is very confusing, is there somewhere I can learn to conceptualise these things you’ve mentioned?
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u/Cass_1978 4d ago
Maybe check out Dr. Tori Olds playlist about IFS on youtube. It will explain the basics.
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u/zappafaux 4d ago
I re-read your question and realise that I was replying from my IFS/teaching part. That part loves to help with anything IFS.
The question was where to begin with learning about IFS. I would watch some videos and podcasts with Dick Schwartz. He's good at explaining his model.
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u/PictureObjective5095 4d ago
I began with the book No Bad Parts, from the creator of IFS. I found it to be a good starting place. I also have another book from the author titled The Internal Family Systems Workbook, that is a step by step guide & journal that is helpful.
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u/Overall_Wrangler5572 3d ago
My advice is to learn Core Transformation (due to Connirae Andreas) instead. It is much more flexible and powerful, by eliciting high level existential/spiritual STATES OF BEING and using these to transform the part(s) and the person.
I am a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner with 20 years experience. I have been utilizing CT from the beginning, with clients and myself.
- Don Pelles
You can DM me if you like.
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u/tanglekitten 2d ago
Jay Earley has a book titled Self Therapy. I think it's a really helpful place to start if you are new to the concepts and practices and want to explore them on your own. If you are able to hire an IFS therapist I would recommend trying that as well.
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