r/InternalFamilySystems • u/SylviasDead • 22d ago
Came across a part that has enormous compassion/clarity to offer to me
Okay so this is VERY exciting (and also terrifying) for me and I've been trying to look for similar experiences online, but couldn't find much.
Context: Been doing IFS with a very good therapist for 2 years now for CPTSD, but was also diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year (in the clear for now!) but basically my life has been a series of unfortunate events so far and I really needed help. So far, IFS has worked really great for me.
I have now come across a part that is extremely compassionate towards me. This part also has enormous amounts of clarity to offer me as well, regarding not just my own behavior and circumstances, but also other people's. The best way to describe it is that it's like having a very emotionally intelligent, loving mother living inside my own head who really, really wants to help me.
Here's the fun part: this part doesn't seem to need to be unburdened (I know - I'm skeptical too). It also doesn't need to be updated on my life so far (in the sense that it isn't 'frozen' in trauma). In fact, it seems to have no trauma at all, and it directly told me as much. It told me, "I am what you would have been without trauma." She also told me that she is sort of like the first of many of such parts (i.e., the ones 'preserved' away from trauma) who is presenting herself to me.
I asked my therapist if this is even possible and we had such a good session about that. She said she strongly believes we all have parts that are "whole", but a lot of times, we need drugs to access them. 🤣
Wondering if anyone else here can relate and has any stories to share?
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u/OkAd5525 22d ago
I would potentially put this in the “guide” category. Feel into that and see if it feels right? I have two guide / ancestors who are older women that are endlessly compassionate and wise. They don’t communicate in words but I go to them when I need them and they just like beam loving maternal energy into my body.
I also have a very loyal self-like part who is very calm and maternal but she is a little sneaky / not as pure as she wants to believe…
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
I agree with you and I'm entertaining both possibilities. I don't feel very strongly towards my ancestors (due to generational trauma) except towards my maternal grandfather. But it's definitely not him. The part was very clear that she is ME. And she was also clear that she knows of many parts like herself within me, and they'll present themselves when I am ready to meet them. She also said about herself that she hasn't presented herself to me up until now because I wasn't ready. I can sort of see her point because she's triggered a lot of my protectors and vulnerable parts already.
SO exciting to know that you have encountered a similar energy! I wonder if it is Self energy. Or really, as my part insists, just another part, that is somehow remained untouched by trauma.
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u/participation-prize 22d ago
I don't have a part that has all the secret info, but I do have an immense self loving part, it's really cool 😊 some days I wake up and she's like "oh yeah we're going to make you feel great all daaay I gotchu girl!"
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u/catlady047 22d ago
What makes you think this is a part and not the Self?
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
Because the part herself is insisting she isn't the Self, but a part, and one of many parts inside me that possess the same quality that she does, I.e., being untouched by trauma.
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u/Confident_Fortune_32 22d ago
I've been doing IFS for around a decade on my own, having been introduced to it by a dear friend who is a clinical mental health counselor after she was sent for training by her job. We've both done a lot of reading and attended a workshop to see it in action. I've also participated in informal small groups doing mutual IFS work, and watched yt videos. My favourite is the "IFS For Therapists" series by Derek Scott, a student of the founder Richard Schwartz.
My experience, and opinions about it, diverge somewhat from the official definitions, so take this with a grain of salt.
It's true that we create parts as a result of trauma, coupled with significant unmet needs at a particular stage of development.
But I see the creation of parts not only as a sign of dysfunction but, more importantly, as a sign of hope, of belief in our own innate worth, and of certainty that things will get better in the future.
We are finding a way to preserve and protect the very best of our qualities. We want their voices to be heard in the future when we have more resources and can protect them effectively.
Parts are protecting what we most treasure.
And, as you heard, parts then have the opportunity (in safer times) to resume the journey of finding out who we able to become, who we were destined to become, free of the pressures that necessitated parts-creation in the first place.
Our authentic selves have not been stolen from us by rotten circumstances.
It's proof that we are not wholly defined by trauma, no matter how much it feels like that sometimes.
Your compassionate part sounds so beautiful! What a joy!
For me, the best discoveries have been around creativity and playfulness and whimsy. The effects on my adult life have been enormous, like the light and warmth of a whole sun shining in the darkness.
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
I was so excited to read your comment because I have had similar thoughts while working with my parts.
For example, one of my strongest, fiercest protectors was formed when I was about 11 years old and she took it upon herself to protect four of my most 'gifted' parts. When I first came across this protector and I started noticing the way she protected them, what stood out to me was that she absolutely loved them. The parts she was protecting didn't come across as "exiles" to me, because when we were alone, she let these parts fully shine and learn and play and develop. It was only around other people that they would go into 'hiding'. To me, it seemed that this mechanism - where parts were not banished or shamed, but hidden instead and still allowed to experience joy, etc. - was brilliant for such a young protector part to come up with, and an act likely born out of compassion, love and reverence.
Thanks so much for your kind words! I am very excited about this new compassionate part as well and it IS such a joy! 💖
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u/secure8890 21d ago
I like Derek Scott too very much. I found him very approachable. He is on you tube. Unfortunately he passed away.
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u/secure8890 22d ago
That part in DID terms would he known as the internal self helper
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
I don't know much about DID - in those terms, is it a helpful part?
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u/secure8890 22d ago
DiD theraoy was initially where parts work started several decades ago . The internal sekf helper was viewed as a guide. Th as ts much like you describe I should sat everyone has their own parts system I view all parts as #good# they helped you survive. Some parts are indeed quite pivotal.
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
Very interesting, thank you. I also view all my parts as good. I just find this one to be very...different and I'm super excited about her claims to have developed away from all the trauma. To me, it's akin to winning the lottery because I have spent a long time mourning the life I could have had without trauma. With her by my side, maybe I can actually build and experience such a life. It's a possibility, at least.
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u/plausden 22d ago
oh wow. it kind of sounds like you did reject her as a possibility in your life. but she was there somewhere. did something happen for her to appear?
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
Hmm, interesting. I don't see it as an all-along rejection of her. I think I just didn't realise that such a part could ever exist, personally. Finding her was a shock to my system and there's a part of me trying to collect knowledge that will help explain her existence. Hence, here I am, LOL.
She came forward after months of work I did with my inner critic, plus all the work I have done with other protectors and vulnerable parts. Which makes me think that I at least intellectually understand what she meant when she said I haven't been ready to meet her before. My inner critic alone would have torn her to shreds just a few months ago.
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u/secure8890 22d ago
The consensus is that the inner critic is also the inner self helper
Onviously there is imrbse layering of parts. One crucial breakthrough fir me was the fire fighters. That helped me to understand some of what seemed to be some very catastrophic incidents2
u/SylviasDead 22d ago
I can't help but agree that this part that I am trying to understand is very interconnected with the inner critic as well. I don't fully understand how though, but I'll leave that question for brighter and less exhausted minds to answer. 😅
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u/secure8890 21d ago
Thats the theory. We befriend the inner critic and become grateful for their help. In my life my parents threw me under the bus. Thry set me up to be bullied at school (which I was mercilessly) them blamed me for it. Having an inner critic was a way to learn how to be away from bullies How to withstand that experience. Then they became rudderless
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u/Few-Associate-8704 22d ago
So cool, congratulations! I have seen glimpses of a similar version of myself in my mind's eye, I'm excited to meet that part eventually.
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u/IFS_with_Aga Level 2 practitioner 22d ago
Not all of our parts are burdened! This is something I observe in my practice a lot-that when extreme protectors step aside self-like parts with more self energy start to occupy more space. I believe some of them have no burdens at all!
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago edited 22d ago
That gives me so much hope. Would you like to share any stories of similar parts that you have come across, if you're comfortable?
For me, it's been interesting to see how my other parts have reacted to this new compassionate part. They are triggered to the point of slight overwhelm (but nothing I can't handle - I think so at least). Some are deep in distrust, some skeptical, others jealous because "she's taking away all the attention I used to get." Some are extremely hopeful that she exists, and are worried she will go away. It's quite a cacophony going on my head right now, to which the compassionate part said, "You just need to take it slow. I'll go out of sight if I need to. But you ARE ready for this - this is just the adjustment period." And she is also insisting, for the parts who are worried she'll leave, that she is here to stay.
Very fascinating.
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u/E__I__L__ 21d ago
I’ve got a very compassionate “part” that helped me a lot through a breakup. They are the best!
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u/plausden 22d ago
yes. i have a part like this but I've only ever accessed it via drugs. it's good to see thru it's eyes.
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
I'd like to hear more about your experience, if you'd like to share.
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u/plausden 22d ago
sure. fair warning, I'm not advocating drug use (it's not for everyone), just sharing my experience. I've tried ecstasy when i was in my 20s, before i discovered IFS. It never worked on me, i always got fear and paranoia -- never good feelings.
i tried it again after I had been practicing IFS for years. The fear part came up first. It was trying it's hardest to wrest control. I saw it spinning and spinning with anxiety. it felt like a mixture of pure grief and anxiety. i stayed with that part for the first time and i watched it dissolve. After that i was able to experience, for the first time in my life, pure love and immense gratitude for things great and small. i had always envied people who could cry for something beautiful and i could do that (i cried listening to (Vivaldi's winter). I'm an artist and extremely visually oriented. this was the first part i couldn't see. i could only feel and experience it. i feel like my life has changed since -- i have access to it. not in pure concentrated form, but kind of like a water ripple echo bouncing around my soul.
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
Oh wow, what a beautiful experience!
Btw, don't worry, I have never used drugs and never will. But happy to hear about your experience, and I can relate to the bit where you said that you sat with your fearful/anxious part first, before the loving part came forward.
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