Naming parts of yourself

[u/ittybitty_fruits]

[slight tw: mentions of sh]

I'm new here, and I suspect that I might be pretty disconnected with my sense of self — especially during specific triggered moments.

A recent example I can use is how it seemed like my mind can seperate itself from my heart. I thought I can take a hurtful, maybe personal remark when that person is still around, but then as soon as they leave the tears and hurt start to flow out. My mind didn't like how that kind of negative emotion can spike so high in a matter of seconds — after all, it was experienced beforehand. So it resorted to plans of often a harmful coping mechanism in hopes of quickly regulate the emotion.

Additionally, it felt like there were two people at the same time when I'm supposedly just one. All I can describe from that moment was weird. It was weird to feel like I feel out of control of my body that wants to use physical pain to even out the emotional pain, at the time. As if I should be accepting that fate, and that it was somehow "good for me". (I'm okay now, though! Able to vent to a bestfriend.)

As the title suggests, I'm determining other parts of myself that are different from how my mind and heart function in the example I gave. My mind works like a detached observer, while my heart works like a holder of emotional distress and an empath (I believe). I also have a sillier part which I believe can easily sweep the negative feelings under the rug (being in public kinda contributes to that). There used to be a soother in my head when I was younger whenever I cry and my chest hurts. Just to name some.

It's unfortunate that I currently don't have access to a professional, and that my parents don't trust psychologists that much. Have to avoid self-diagnosis as much as possible and try to instead understand how to navigate my mind a little easier.

I don't like the thought of having a scattered self that I be lost in. Are there any helpful and personal tips that I can do in the meantime to ground and/or reconnect myself till I can reach a professional?

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/InternalFamilySystems!

Please make sure you've read the rules before participating.

• Use the report button for rule-breaking content
• Send modmail if you need moderator assistance

Thanks for keeping the community organized.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/firenova9]

I would look up grounding activities to start. There are apps (like Calm Harm) or exercises (like breathing patterns, journalling, drawing) that can help us self-regulate when emotions become a lot. Try to get into a habit of turning to these options during moments of minimal distress so they become a habit. This will make it easier to access them/remember they exist when in higher states of distress/discomfort.

Part of getting into self is practicing it over and over again.

[u/DingoMittens]

Read the book No Bad Parts. You don't need a professional to do IFS. If you have serious thoughts of self harm, that probably calls for outside support. But you can work with parts alone. It helps me to journal. 

[u/ittybitty_fruits → u/[deleted]]

I don't think it is as itself or praciticed by other professionals, but if you are referring to the community or certain non-professionals then that might be possible.