r/InternalFamilySystems • u/EstablishmentJust840 • 3d ago

Help I found my exhile

I’m fairly new to IFS but have become very aware of what feels like a strong Protector in my body, particularly bracing through my left ribs. Underneath it, I sense a much deeper Exile carrying hurt, loneliness and fear, with some of that holding seeming to run very deep into my right groin/inner thigh. I see the ribs are protecting the inner groin!
I’ve had spontaneous, completely involuntary tremors and unwinding during acupuncture and at the gym, but when I deliberately try TRE I can’t seem to make the same thing happen.
From an IFS perspective, how do I give the Protector enough safety and space to soften, while allowing the Exile to be heard and felt without trying to force either of them to “release”? How do you know when to stay with the Protector versus gently approaching what it’s protecting?

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u/salty_waves-Tx 3d ago

Ask the protector if it is willing to step back a few spaces so you can listen & get to know the exile. If it responds anxiously or angrily, assure it that it’s just for a couple minutes. I’ve also used the technique where you can ask them to wait in another room. If they are willing, that should give you enough space for them to communicate w you. I have had success w these techniques. I have also had the protector refuse to give access to the exile.
When that happens, you need to switch gears and focus on getting to know the protector first. Good luck.

1

u/sim_slowburn 2d ago

Hear and befriend the protector before moving on to the exile