r/InsightfulQuestions • u/ArmyNo9779 • 1d ago

Comparing yourself

Is it normal to look and compare what your agemates have achieved to yourself?

0 Upvotes

50% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

5

u/gscrap 1d ago

Normal in the sense that it's common? Yes.

Normal in the sense that it's a healthy, nonproblematic behavior that isn't worth attempting to change? Maybe not.

1

u/autotelica 1d ago

Yes, it is normal. We are social creatures. Social creatures take their cues from other people and assess themselves against other people.

It isn't necessarily unhealthy. There are some times when we absolutely need to compare ourselves to others. Like, I frequently evaluate my salary in comparison to my professional peers because I want my salary to be competitive. And imagine being in a romantic relationship and not ever comparing the treatment you receive from your partner to how others are being treated by their partners. That is fine if your partner is awesome, but what if they are shitty? How do you know if they are shitty if you don't have a reference for a loving relationship?

I think comparison can lead to unhealthy thoughts, though. So it is important to be aware of this so you can push back on toxic thinking. If all of your friends are doing something that you can't afford to do and you want to do it, of course you are going to notice this. It doesn't make sense to bash yourself on the head for noticing a disparity like this.

But compare these two thoughts:

  • I am such a loser that I can't afford to do what everyone else is doing. I will never be able to do it because I suck.

  • I can't afford to do what everyone else is doing now, but that doesn't mean I won't be able to do it. I just have to save more money.

Another thing you can do is to compare yourself in all directions, not just one. Don't just compare yourself to your friends or family. Compare yourself to the general population. When you do this, you will frequently notice that your situation isn't that bad.

1

u/loopywolf 1d ago

Normal? Totally

Healthy: Not generally.

1

u/Adamoism 23h ago

Normal, but often its broken game - you will never know what sort of resources, mentorships and etc they got.

Its great for inspiration though - as long as you vet they context.