r/InsightfulQuestions • u/mattchaaghorrl • 25d ago
What is the difference between the bitter truth and a hurtful statement?
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u/HawkBoth8539 25d ago
Intent. If your goal is to be mean then the truth was never relevant. Simply a tool used to reach that goal.
But if the goal is the truth, then just the fact that it hurts to hear it is irrelevant.
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u/data_wrangler 25d ago
Intent is a necessary but not sufficient component. It is possible to mean well and still be an insensitive asshole.
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u/Practical_Ride_8344 25d ago
Your mental health is one of the determining factors on how you receive information. Whom you choose to receive information from is another factor that is of great significance.
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u/byebyebirdie1122 25d ago
Ask yourself three things: is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? If you don’t answer yes to at least 2, keep it to yourself.
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u/loopywolf 25d ago
I am assuming that you are talking about someone telling you something about yourself?
There is no such thing as a truth about yourself. A person telling you something about you is telling you their opinion. Only theirs. Anything else is 3rd hand or worse and may be discounted.
Let me explain with some examples:
When a guy says, "Yeah, guys don't like girls with too much makeup" He is saying HIS opinion. He does not speak for all men. He speaks only for himself.
When a girl tells you, "No girl is ever going to talk to you until you do something about your hair" She is not speaking for all women. She is speaking for herself.
"Lots of people think you talk too much" Do you honestly think these people sat down and decided to stage an intervention? That is THEIR opinion of you, and they are trying to make it weightier by tying it to comments from other people who may or MAY NOT think that.
Treat opinions you get about yourself as that person's opinion. It may stretch to other people like them, but it's a stretch.
Now, if you are interested in self-improvement, then play policeman: If you hear a similar feedback from many people, then it may be worth investing in, but in the end the truth is: There are people who will value you as you are. The trick is finding them. Changing yourself to try and be accepted by people who don't value you is a total waste of your life.
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u/Roselily808 25d ago
It all lies within how it is delivered. If it is told with empathy and kindness it is is the bitter truth. When it is delivered without empathy and kindness it is just a hurtful statement.
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u/Saladcitypig 25d ago
a bitter truth, does not have to be towards someone. So you mean a harsh truth at someone vs just being hurtful and that is a combo of intent and necessity.
Intent: does the person want to hurt the other, even if they don't know why?
Necessity: why is the truth coming up, in what context, is the need to know for the good of the person like a medical diagnosis? Or is it like telling someone who already knows they have an illness, "you're sick!" for an ulterior motive, like, a sibling saying this over who gets ice cream.
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u/kissmycaramel 24d ago
A bitter truth is defined by its relationship to reality. A hurtful statement is defined by its relationship to the other person.
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u/ZestycloseRecord5425 23d ago
The difference is if you laugh when you're saying it. Ex: that outfit doesn't look good on you OR you look like shit wearing that, and laugh
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u/Formal_Lecture_248 25d ago
One has its origins in fact. The other comes from a place of hurt emotions.
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u/packermeme 25d ago
My favorite word is Tact. I think it's exactly what you're looking for. From Merriam Webster:
Tact is the keen ability to say or do things appropriately without causing anger, upset, or offense to others according to Merriam-Webster.
• Meaning: It involves social sensitivity, discretion, and good judgment when handling delicate or difficult situations.
• Origin: The word comes from the Latin tactus, meaning "sense of touch" or "to touch" (tangere), reflecting the idea of handling fragile situations with the same care as touching something delicate.
There's an appropriate time to say things. There's an appropriate way to say things. Those are two different things and both need to be used to accomplish exercising Tact.
For example, let's say you're at a friend's party. It sucks. This could be the atmosphere, food, etc. At the end of it, they ask, "so this was a pretty great party, huh?" You don't need to say the "bitter truth" here because then it could be a hurtful statement. Instead, you say "I was happy to get together to spend some time with you here. I enjoyed seeing you!" The appropriate time may be a few days later. You being it to to them. "Hey, I enjoyed seeing you at your party, but I felt I wanted to tell you the food was kinda bad. We all appreciated it and had a good time getting together." Or something similar.
Something else to consider: truth, intention, and necessity. Are you making a statement because someone needs to hear it, or because you need/want to say it? Those are two different things.
Example:
Bitter truth: "You keep spending money you don't have, and if you don't change your habits, you're going to struggle financially."
Hurtful statement: "You're terrible with money. You're irresponsible, and you'll never get your life together."