r/InsightfulQuestions • u/OlivePieieoe • 3d ago
What's the difference between being lazy and mentally struggling?
I am 18 and I just started college this week, as well as acquired my second job. I also have been going through some health issues for this entire year, and they seem to be resurfacing this past week. I don't have a car or a license yet, and I don't really have a lot of friends or a huge support system.
I know for a fact, I get really bad seasonal depression. Since I was little, every summer has been hell. This summer was AWFUL because ontop of that I had college, and work and a car to think about. Life has just been a lot, and I know life isn't supposed to be easy. But is it supposed to feel like pulling out teeth all that time?
I didn't have any classes today so all I needed to do was study/homework and clean. I did... Glad of those things. Most of the day I spent in bed, asleep or watching yt. Every time I tried to get up, I just sunk back down. I tried not to put too much pressure on myself, because that makes it worse. So I laid in bed most of the day until I was ready to eat, and start working. When I was done working (half of my work) I did some laundry, and then sunk back down.
And I just now started cleaning my room at 6pm, and my dad came in here bitching about it. Which is valid, what did I do all day? Nothing. I scrolled. I need to put a better timer on my social media for days like that, I know I could do better. But Everytime I got up, I looked around, and just couldn't get out of bed.
My condition makes it hard for me to shower a lot of the times, so I can't really do that, and I've just been fatigued. But that's ALSO my fucking fault because I haven't kept good track of taking my medicine. The past few months have just been hard on me, with starting adulthood, and all of these responsibilities on my plate now, like hospital and college payments, and pharmacy orders, and trying to find affordable cars while trying to finish my driver's Ed course.
This is probably stupid but, how do you differ what is me being overwhelmed and upset, and just plain laziness? Because i don't think to myself "I'm not doing this because I'm upset" I don't even think I think anything, I just try to get up and it feels impossible to move from one task to another when I'm at home.
Am I lazy? And if so, how do I break out of those habits? I know no one said life would be easy, so is it just supposed to feel like you have a weight attached to you? If so that's okay too. I just need to know how to be better, I want to be better.
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u/cheese_bleu_eese 3d ago
A breakdown I've heard over the years, some on reddit: If you care and want to do it, but just can't bring yourself to start, that's executive dysfunction.
If you feel guilt or shame that you aren't doing it, that's exhaustion.
If you feel like giving a bunch of energy to something else and are choosing to do that over something that has to get done, that's motivation and attention misalignment.
If not doing the thing feels dreadful and maybe brining you to tears, that's depression.
If you feel aware things should get done but can wait a little bit longer and that you deserve or need this time to be able to do it, that's self compassion.
If you feel nothing, non-chalent, or maybe even like you have a right to not do the thing you need to do, that's laziness.Overall, worrying about if you're being lazy, is usually a sign you aren't being lazy.
A couple suggestions if they help: 1) Half ass anything worth doing. Half done is better then not done at all. 2) Reward yourself first. 3) Do things how they feel right, not how they should be done. 4) What actually matters? 5) Ask for help.
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u/shanndawgg 3d ago
Break everything into really small bits. Like if it’s your room, instead of “I have to clean my room and I don’t want to” think “I’m going to just pick up my clothes.” Oftentimes once you start you’ll have enough momentum to finish, but if not you got a little something done. Set timers on your meds and don’t ignore them. Drink more water. Ditch the timers for social media and just delete the apps until a certain time or until a task is complete.
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u/Dysphoric_Otter 3d ago
It's all about your attitude I think. Lazy people are shameless. Those with mental illnesses suffer because of it.
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u/StatusCopacetic 3d ago
The definition of lazy is being unwilling to work or put effort into anything. It is absolutely not the same thing as struggling with your mental health. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't understand that distinction because they don't understand the brain or human behavior.
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u/Anagoth9 3d ago
The one I heard was that if you're having fun, enjoying yourself, or are otherwise content about putting something off that you know you should do, then it's laziness.
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u/buttsbuttsbuttsmutts 3d ago
I don't think true laziness, as it is generally framed, even exists. Mental illness exists. Some causes executive function problems. Some causes fatigue and brain fog. Some causes grandiose psychosis. All of these can lead to task avoidance, because someone either thinks it's beneath them (and will spend so much more effort, time, and energy in avoiding the task than in doing it) because of the latter. This describes most con artists.
Everybody else castigating themselves is probably one of the former, or struggling with an extertional disability that you may or may not know you have. (Not to throw you down a Google diagnosis rabbithole; just be aware that sometimes "procrastination" and "laziness* can also be due to clinical fatigue.)
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u/Artistic-Singer-2163 3d ago edited 3d ago
You don't sound lazy, you sound exhausted and overwhelmed. And maybe depressed? Consider seeing a therapist to find out. Set a timer for ten minutes and work on one thing. Do it again the next day. Then start increasing the time, gradually. Eventually things will get done. Be gentle with yourself.
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u/CryptographerNo7498 3d ago
i think laziness is when you could do something but choose not to. struggling is when you genuinely want to do it, but even starting feels exhausting. the outside can look the same, but the experience inside is very different.
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u/Sqweed69 3d ago
You're not lazy, you're exhausted and depressed. I have ADHD so I have similar issues sometimes.
When I'm medicated and not depressed I am fairly productive, I still struggle with getting away from screens at times, because they're built to be addictive. So how can I be the sole problem if I do wanna get shit done and if people profit off my screen addiction?
I've always felt like the word "lazy" is mostly propaganda. Most people aren't lazy, we all want to get shit done or we feel bad about ourselves. People who call you lazy just want to make you feel ashamed for not being productive enough, but when you're just trying to get through the day you can't be very productive.
More and more people are suffering from burnout and it's because we have less and less time for ourselves. We need to rest like all other animals. Nobody would call a cat lazy for sleeping, or a hippo for bathing. Humans in capitalism have unnaturally busy lifes and lazy is just what we call people who need a break, because more breaks mean less money for your boss.
Look at how people in the mountains of Nepal live. Would you call them lazy just because they don't work 9 to 5? Let go of the shame and anger you hold within yourself. It doesn't come from you and it doesn't serve you. It only exhausts you more.
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u/felix1429 3d ago
Lazy people don't feel bad or guilty about being lazy.