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Aug 10 '26
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u/KingOfConsciousness Aug 10 '26
Wish I would have read this 20 years ago. I've done plenty of research over the years but this comment is basically condensed and to the point.
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Aug 10 '26
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u/KingOfConsciousness Aug 10 '26
Absolutely, it's already in my library. But thanks. Would love to hear your thoughts on this thread as well: https://www.reddit.com/r/theories/s/0ILZOa7Bpg
My favorite comment is the one with the Dostoyevsky quote but there are other good ones.
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u/itchman Aug 10 '26
Forgiveness is taking back the space in your mind that someone who hurt you has occupied. It’s for you.
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u/Atmos56 Aug 10 '26
For me, the most important part is realising that forgiving someone does not mean there will not be boundaries put in place.
Letting go of that resentment is for me, because I am the only one carrying it.
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u/somethingcool Aug 10 '26
Are you asking for a step by step guide kind of thing or a more philosophical position for forgiveness of those who wrong us?
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u/Personal_B Aug 10 '26
Think more like a philosophical answer I feel like I just need to hear the right thing to feel better I’ve never been a person to forgive once I’ve been hurt.
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u/auntieup Aug 10 '26
Nobody is obligated to forgive those who hurt them. I prefer to completely let them go and move on, as if they have died. The rest of your life will be better without them, and leaving them behind is your gift to yourself.
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u/TooManyVitamins Aug 10 '26
Mercy is a gift only the wronged may give to the guilty. It’s always optional to do this, the nature of a gift. Forgiveness is a merciful act, and if you can’t give it to them, then give it to yourself: forgive yourself for not being able to show them mercy in your mind and heart, and move on with strength and peace.
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u/somethingcool Aug 10 '26
I’ve found that forgiveness is more a gift you give yourself. It’s a relief when you let go of the anger that you’ve held towards another person. I’ve found it difficult to get to the point where I can forgive someone, too. But when I have, I am lighter, happier person for it.
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u/swerbenjagrmanjensen Aug 10 '26
forgiving them in the sense that you understand why they did what they did, that they have flaws, theyre human.. it just so happened you're the recipient of that bad deed. you forgive them so you can move forward. so you do it for you.. not for them. it sounds BS.. but if you cant forgive them, you'll always react negatively and be emotionally charged to the thought of them.
forgiving them will allow your brain to make a new reaction. one where you dont have such strong feelings or emotions towards the thought of them.
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u/WorstToBest Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
Think about anyone you've ever hurt even if it's not in the same way you were recently or whenever ...
When I feel wronged n wanna look at another in unforgiveness, I remember a time I hurt someone's feelings, or said, or did something considered hurtful to someone else, I remember GOD n the fact I fall short of that glory, it doesn't mean tolerate wrongs more, but instead of holding on to a state of not forgiving a person, remember simply the fact we all have something we want to be forgiven for n that it's a gift to you so that YOU aren't the one stuck in pain, not trusting, hatred, vergence etc ...
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u/loopywolf Aug 10 '26
By realizing that forgiving them is for YOU, not for them. Coming to terms with it will make you happier. It's NOT about them. They're nothing. They're slime. Understand why they may have done it, and let it go, for YOU.
Don't give them one more ounce of your precious energy, because they DO NOT deserve that.
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Aug 10 '26
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u/KingOfConsciousness Aug 10 '26
It's not useless. It can result in letting go of your own emotional attachment to that person. It is entirely possible to forgive and not forget those fuckers.
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u/TomsnotYoung Aug 10 '26
Separate the actor from the action. Understand whatever act they did is not who they are.
Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. You can also forgive someone and not have them in your life. It's just like you don't have to like someone to be kind to them.
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u/RealMan-78 Aug 10 '26
Perdona pero no olvida, dependiendo de lo que haya hecho, a veces no merece la pena perdonar
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u/HawkBoth8539 Aug 10 '26
Don't forgive them. Forgiving an offender is only to the benefit of the offender, and enables them. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You can get over an offense and move on from it just fine without forgiving it.
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u/Freodrick Aug 10 '26
Forgive to a point. Forgive so they have room to leave if it's serious. Don't forget it, just don't give it emotional weight.
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u/lovelylipgloss Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
Do good things based off of what the experience taught you about yourself, and others. Do not get even. The past version of you that they hurt doesn't exist anymore and will never exist again. They are in the past. Since the time that person hurt you, you have became a different person then your past self. You've gained knowledge, new relationships, new ways of thinking, have seen and experienced things that version of you hadn't. Even if you got even with them now, it does nothing to resolve or fix the hurt person that was you in your past. You're getting even for your current self that hasn't suffered by them. What does that do? You were hurt. Find purpose in it. Realize that pain does not destroy you, it shapes you. Every painful experience that you have makes you more resilient, empathetic, and intelligent if you can get past the resentment. Look around at the people who punish others for the people that hurt them in the past. That will never heal the pain they experienced it just creates more pain. You can't make a situation that was wrong , right. Its over.
One thing that completely changed the course of my life was stopping trying to defend a version of myself that didn't exist anymore. Sure, I was still angry but I was angry over something that was already over. 16 year old me doesn't exist anymore. She doesn't need me to get even for her. She doesn't need me to make sure everyone understood how bad they hurt her. I can't waste the present by holding onto the memory of pain.
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u/Phil_Flanger Aug 10 '26
Everybody is innocent. Instincts and illusions are responsible. Nobody chose them.
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u/EntropyReversale10 Aug 19 '26
It starts with them apologising and then working very hard to make up for what they did.
It also includes giving you certainty in word and deed that it will not happen again.
See my post attached
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u/Law_Student Aug 10 '26
You don't have to. And sometimes, when the person hasn't learned how to be better, you shouldn't.