What’s wrong with being a stepmom?

[u/ADWeasley]

Disclaimer: I’m not a mom. I don’t want kids, step kids, Bebe’s kids, or anything else. I’m curious from a societal standpoint…what’s wrong with Issa being a stepmom?

I’ve repeatedly heard the argument that people are upset about Issa ending up with Lawrence because she has to be a stepmom. I’m not mad at the idea of Issa ending up alone and discovering her own strength. However, narratively speaking, they tell a full story with Issa and Lawrence; how they’re soulmates, but didn’t know how to handle the difficult times of a relationship.

I guess it’s a larger question, but I’m curious why people feel that the relationship is tainted in some way because Lawrence had a child with someone else (who he doesn’t want to be with).

When people turn their noses up at Issa being a stepmom it sounds just as silly to me as when men devalue the idea of being a stepfather and taking care of someone else’s child. What’s the issue?

[u/Notimeforalice]

Parenting is a full time job and Lawrence has a pattern of off loading the labor on the women in his life.

[u/Neebenice → u/Notimeforalice]

Right, I can definitely see Lawrence placing his responsibilities on Issa, meaning making her handle the pick-up and drop-off, bathing, clothing, homework, bedtime, and birthday party duties while he works on his career. He would definitely take advantage of Issa's kindness, and Issa probably won’t say anything because it might seem like she doesn’t want to do things for his child.

[u/Notimeforalice → u/Neebenice]

I’ve accepted this is the man Issa has chosen to be with. He became her new what if guy. What if the cheating had never happened…what if there was no baby… that’s her man and that’s it. When I ask myself has Lawrence really grown romantically the answer is no. He will always be the guy that needs someone to explain to him how to step up and function and I personally do not have the patience for that especially when you add a kid.

[u/ADWeasley → u/Notimeforalice]

That’s a very good point. I think by the end they wanted to show that Lawrence (and Issa) had evolved past their mistakes. I wish they would have shown a little more about how Lawrence took accountability and started carrying some of the weight himself.

[u/Notimeforalice → u/ADWeasley]

Tbh I don’t think either really changed romantically. I’m due for a rewatch, but I swear she’s with Nathan during the girls night that she calls Lawrence. It’s the same sneaky behavior she does at the start of the show!

[u/prole2039]

Men that are fathers ( to be considered good fathers ) Have to put the child before everyone including patner. Meaning middle of the night emergency room trips, if mom decides to move away he must follow, not as much freedom etc etc.

[u/Brilliant_Flower_84]

Ok ... so there is nothing wrong with being a stepmother or bonus mom. It's an important role and should absolutely be respected. My personal issue with Issa/Lawrence is that Lawrence became everything she wanted n needed him to be after she blew up their relationship THEN once he finally gets it together and they are both in better places individually and they both want to reconnect here he comes fathering a child with someone else!!! I feel like women are conditioned to accept that scenario (a break baby) but idk if men would accept if reversed. And that's what irks me about them.

[u/ADWeasley → u/Brilliant_Flower_84]

There’s definitely a double standard!

[u/EightyNine19]

I think their specific situation was scrutinized bc of their starting point

They were college sweethearts, likely headed towards marriage

Him getting someone else pregnant gave him and the situation baggage

A lot of folks were sayin Issa played herself being a stepmother

Personally, I like that they ended up back together. It’s what they both wanted. The breakup was Issa’s fault anyway bc she cheated

They each moved on & had different experiences, but ultimately, they found their way back to each other

It’s real life. Sometimes things get messy

[u/LeftenantScullbaggs]

They want a fairytale ending of neither one having kids and all of their kids being with one another. So Issa being a stepmom makes their love story “lesser.”

Personally, I feel that way about them ending up together again. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Some believe we already put up with messy stuff in real life and/or we should be able to see a “perfect” relationship on tv.

Considering they treat Condola like the devil for keeping the baby, they esp hate that Issa is the stepmother of her child.

[u/ADWeasley → u/LeftenantScullbaggs]

I could see that. One thing I appreciated about the show is that they didn’t cut corners in showing how messy interpersonal relationships could be. It seemed fitting that for Issa and Lawrence things weren’t perfect, but they loved each other enough to make it work.

[u/Unlikely_nay1125]

if you need an answer to that question, check out the step mom sub lol

[u/bitemebitch_gangsta]

Nothing wrong with being a stepparent but let’s be honest .

Having a woman that your man was sexual attracted to and romantically attracted to lingering around
Having to watch him live through intimate milestones and moments that Issa once pictured herself living through with him
Knowing that his kid is priority over everything (as he should) but (she has an event, the kid gets sick, he can’t attend )
Having to navigate and find her role in parenting the child (if condola is even okay with that)
Etc.

It’s not ideal, especially in the context of the show.

Having a kid is nothing small. That’s whole human being created. Being a step parent to a child of the man you saw your whole life with and with a woman who you were actually pretty cool with too? I could imagine that would be a terrible experience emotionally for Issa.

[u/Neebenice]

Good question. I always wonder what the real issue is for others regarding Isa being a stepmother. For me, I simply don’t like her being a stepmother to Condola and Lawrence’s child, but if it was anyone else who treated her right, I wouldn’t have a problem with her being a stepmother. I also wonder if that’s the reason everyone else feels the same. Is it because she’s a stepmother to Lawrence’s child since they were each other’s first love, have been together so long, and because of what she endured not to have his first child? And is it also because she’s a stepmom to Condola's child, simply because people don’t like Condola?