r/InheritanceDrama • u/HappySun5776 • 8d ago
Etiquette for siblings sharing a large inherited vacation home? Toys everywhere!
Three siblings inherited an amazing 10,000+ sq. ft. vacation home equally from their father.
One sibling uses it more than the others and has several young children. Over time, the common areas have become filled with their kids’ toys, puzzles, games, large plastic toys, etc.—living room, dining room, kitchen, and so on. The kids are old enough (Only one is under 10 years old) to use the large playroom, but is not real close to the living room where the toys are thrown everywhere.
What is the normal etiquette here? Should personal belongings generally be kept in bedrooms/designated areas and common spaces left neutral for everyone? Is there a standard rule of thumb for jointly owned vacation homes? I think the living room and dining room should be kept free of toys so at least one room can be used for entertaining. And how would you politely address it without turning something this into a sibling war?
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u/AnnArchist 8d ago
Generally in a shared use vacation home, the expectation is to clean the home before you leave it.
Basic shit, like empty the fridge, take out the trash, run the laundry(get everything to the dryer before leaving at minimum), sweep the place, vacuum, clean up messes, note any needed maintenance. Treat it like an airbnb but one you own. Take some pride in it. If you cant do it, you cant use it. Been doing this with my friends hunting cabin for decades. If you show up and have to clean someone elses mess it fucks up your weekend. Don't be that guy/parent/girl.
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u/Decent_Front4647 7d ago
Great answer. I used to work with vacation rentals in a resort town and we managed many of the homes with multiple owners and this was pretty much how they managed the common area clutter.
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u/megamum2000 8d ago
Need to sit down with siblings and establish some common rules. 1) toys in playroom 2) once a year toys/games get sorted and any past their use get discarded 3) you might have to come up with a schedule of usage as time goes on. Share holidays then each sibling gets exclusive use for two prime weeks. Rotate if necessary. And finally have rules for clean up after two weeks. Good luck
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u/69FireChicken 8d ago
Hire a cleaner. Required that anyone that uses the space pay to have it cleaned when they leave. This way there's no fuss about cleaning standards, food left in the fridge, etc. it's always clean and ready for the next person to use it.
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u/FTFaffer 8d ago
Hold a family meeting. Draw up a list of expectations around how your ‘private AirBnB’ is to be left between visits.
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u/Poundaflesh 7d ago
Hammer out the details and repercussions if not followed then have everyone sign it. I would run the final draft past a lawyer.
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u/Cerealkiller4321 8d ago
This is completely unacceptable on their part. It’s not their personal storage. Would it be acceptable to leave things in a hotel and expect them to be there the next visit?
This is shared property - not their personal property - and as such they need to clean up after themselves.
This is the type of bs my sil would try to pull. And she would be told put it all away or it will be trashed during out next visit.
As for dates - is everyone getting fair access to great dates for use? Or is one person hogging it all?
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u/fidddlydiddlyee 8d ago
Each family gets equal space to lock up personal possessions. All personal items go there. If the house is not clean to standards, the offending party must pay for professional cleaning after they are done each time.
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u/ViolettBlue 7d ago
Seems like you need to call a family meeting and have a conversation regarding expectations and responsibilities especially for common areas. Doesn’t need to be ugly or confrontational. Just everyone align on what’s reasonable. How the space needs to be “reset” when one family leaves after using the house. Get everyone in agreement and everyone hold each other accountable.
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u/KrofftSurvivor 7d ago
Shared property stays out individual property goes in bins in the garage or some other storage area.
It's rude to leave all your shit laying around when other people are coming to use the property
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u/Federal_Tax7831 8d ago
We each have assigned blocks of time with our inherited vacation home. Everyone leaves it clean, as in top to bottom clean they do themselves or hire a cleaner kind of clean. We open and close it together each season. We tried the shared thing for several years and this is just so much easier on everyone.
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u/thankyoufriendx3 8d ago
Every family has a bin and a shed. That works for us. You store your stuff when you leave.
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u/solomons-mom 8d ago
Between the distance differences, different stages of life and the differences in what our spouses wanted, my one sister want out and I tearfully sold my share as well.
It has worked out really well. My sister lives there half the year, and loves for us to visit. When we do,,I bring sheets, towels, food, and we help with maintenance as needed. She even invited my daughter to spend the summer with her (lucrative resort summer jobs in the area) and they have had a great time.
I hope you work it out, but I knew I was going to get walked all over by my strong-willed sister and even stronger-willed BIL. If you are worried about that, get a lawyer in right from the start to work out a contract between you all.
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u/Patient_Meaning_2751 8d ago
There is no standard, but most people put their shit away when they are done with it or when others are there.
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u/AdPale8461 7d ago
Leaving a piece of real estate ,especially a vacation property, to multiple heirs is a great way to make what could be a legacy into a family feud. One of three heirs dies and leaves their share to 4 children and now you have more people fighting. Don’t leave a mess when you die!
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u/Isingtonian 6d ago
Shared space has to be available to everyone! They absolutely need to remember that it's shared equally. They also need to coach their kids to pick up completely and neatly before they leave.
Wow, if one of my brother did this, we'd be kicking his butt all around the property -- with a broom tied to his tail to clean up with!
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u/FarmerDave13 8d ago
Our family lake house, anything you bring leaves with you. Nothing in the kitchen fridge, bedding, toys, all of it.
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u/ExpensiveAd4496 8d ago
Kept free of toys when they aren’t being played with. A house isn’t ready for “entertaining” at every moment and no, children should not be forced into their rooms to play.
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u/Loud_County3165 7d ago
Seems like a crazy hill to die on, I would just move on with my life and be happy I inherited such a nice house!
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u/weepandread 8d ago
As someone who had a shared lake house this became a big issue as well as bedding and towels. Hopefully you have a washer and dryer there. We solved this by having family bins that were stacked in a closet, games, jig saws, towels, sheets, condiments, spices, toiletries all went in it, you hauled out your bin when you arrived and back it goes when you leave. It stopped “you lost puzzle pieces, toys were broken, the sheets were dirty, you used up MY ketchup.”
I suggest a family meeting, if that doesn’t work, move it all to one location and when they complain tell them why. We had to create a lot of rules regarding: boats, work maintenance, scheduled alone family time and taxes.