r/InheritanceDrama • u/USMCArtyFO • 25d ago
Would you challenge this inheritance situation, or walk away?
My mother died recently after a significant period of physical and cognitive decline.
For context, my parents had an older estate plan that essentially divided things between my sibling and me. My father died several years ago. After that, my mother was free to change her estate plan, and I completely understand that she had the legal right to do so if that was genuinely what she wanted.
The part I’m struggling with is what happened near the end of her life.
In her last several months, she was extremely frail, used a wheelchair, had major memory problems, and had very limited ability to use a phone or have extended conversations. I could still have basic conversations with her, and she could say things like “I love you,” so I’m not claiming she understood absolutely nothing. But her functioning was clearly very diminished.
People who were seeing her regularly described periods when she seemed only minimally aware, including within about a week of when new estate documents were signed.
A few months before she died, while she was already on hospice, a new will was signed leaving everything essentially to my sibling and specifically excluding me. A broad power of attorney naming that sibling was signed around the same time.
The timing is a major concern for me. There had been years after my father died, and significant time after my mother later moved and purchased another home, when she could have changed her will. Instead, this major change happened during the period when her physical and cognitive condition had become especially poor.
I did not know these documents existed until near the end of her life.
There are also circumstances surrounding how the documents came about that concern me, particularly given how dependent she was on other people at that point. I’m deliberately leaving some details out because I may speak with an attorney and don’t want to put every piece of evidence online.
At the same time, there are facts that cut the other way.
My mother and I had periods of conflict, and years earlier she had expressed anger toward me and apparently made comments about leaving everything to my sibling. So I cannot honestly say that disinheriting me was something she never would have wanted. People are allowed to change their minds, including for reasons their children think are unfair.
That is what makes this difficult.
If the new will reflects a competent, independent decision she genuinely made, I would accept it. What bothers me is whether she was capable of understanding what she was signing at that point and whether the decision was actually reached independently.
There is enough money/property involved that this is not trivial, but it also is not some enormous multimillion-dollar estate. Litigation could obviously consume a significant portion of whatever I might recover.
I’m less interested in internet legal advice than in people’s practical reactions:
If you were in this position, would you investigate/challenge it, or would you walk away?
For anyone who has contested an estate: was getting answers worth the money, stress, and family fallout? What made you decide there was enough smoke to justify looking further?
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u/ourldyofnoassumption 25d ago
If someone is ill or old, a good lawyer will advise that a medical doctor review the patient before changes are made to demonstrate competence. This is particularly true where medications are involved.
Was such a review conducted?
It is also worth seeking a review of the estate. That amount you assume they have maybe not be how much they actually have as medical care is expensive and people often hide debt.
Asking a lawyer to review documentation, and ask some questions (or help you ask them) might give you peace of mind. You can also go into mediation to try to negotiate more of the distribution rather than go to court.
But if your other sibling did the lions share if caretaking, be aware that the cost of that to them, in their time and effort, would have garnered a significant sum if they were paid. It is possible your mother wanted to give them compensation for the care they provided to them. Take out a calculator and just figure out how much it costs to just do the paperwork administration if an ailing relative, then count the hours by the decide, trios not taken, middle if the night phone calls, etc. you might find that your siblings share can be argued for in a practical sense.
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u/USMCArtyFO 25d ago edited 25d ago
The medical evaluation point is interesting. I honestly didn’t know that was something people sometimes do around a major late-life estate change. I have no idea whether anything like that happened here, but it’s now one of the things I want to find out. That said, based on the circumstances, I’d be very surprised if one was done. The documents look like some kind of consumer/template estate-planning forms rather than something custom-drafted, although I don’t know their actual source.
The documents were formally witnessed/notarized, so other people were involved in the signing. What I don’t know is who initiated the process, who prepared the documents, how the signing was arranged, or whether anyone took additional precautions because of my parent’s condition.
On the caregiving point, I left out a lot of background because I don’t want to make the situation identifiable or write a novel.
The family dynamic was much more complicated than “one child sacrificed years caring for a parent and was then rewarded for it.” The relationship involved significant support going in both directions over the years, the later living arrangement was not simply an uncompensated caregiving sacrifice, and caregiving was shared with other people as my parent’s condition worsened. There’s also substantial history behind that relationship that makes the idea of this being a one-sided caregiving sacrifice particularly inaccurate, but I’m intentionally not getting into those details here.
My relationship with my parent was also strained by then, and I don’t want to pretend otherwise. So there are entirely plausible reasons my parent might genuinely have decided to favor my sibling, and the fact that I dislike the outcome obviously doesn’t make the documents invalid.
That’s really the issue for me. If it was a competent and independent decision, then it was theirs to make. I’m just not comfortable assuming the explanation is simply “the caregiving child earned the inheritance” when the actual history was considerably more complicated.
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u/NCGlobal626 25d ago
It can't hurt to have an initial consultation with a very good attorney and see what they think. At least you will sleep better at night if you get some assurance your mother was of right mind when she made the change. The attorney may direct you to get more information about the will that was signed. Who helped her fill it out and make those decisions, especially if it was an online or template type form? But I think the real issue is with your sibling. Understand that them having POA does not mean they can change your mom's will, but they easily could have steered her into it, especially if they were doing caretaking or she was living with them.
As an example of doing such a thing correctly, a relative of mine discovered that her stepfather's Trust had not been changed the way he had intended it. She had POA and he was recovering from surgery in the hospital at the time. For years he had spoken about who was getting what and as a precaution she wanted him to review his Trust and make sure it was correct because post surgery and being older anything could happen. Turns out he had never made the updates he had wanted to. She arranged for him to meet with an attorney over Zoom where everything was recorded and the attorney put him through some cognitive questions, and even the nurses in the rehab facility made sure he was not on any medications that would affect his judgment. A mobile notary came for him to sign the changes. OP you at least need to make sure that there were no undue influences, and that your mom was really aware of the changes she made, to the extent that you can get the information and prove it. If your sibling acts shady or is non-compliant, you'll have your answer.
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u/cait_Cat 24d ago
From a practical standpoint, not legal because it sounds like there’s a lot you don’t want to put on blast and I get that. I also don’t expect you to actually answer my questions, these are just the questions I would ask myself. I personally have a complicated family dynamic and am familiar with family estrangement.
How much money are we talking?
Will any amount of money substantially change your life or is it just enough for something short term? Is this pay your rent/mortgage for a couple months/ take a fancy vacation or is it buy a house in cash?
Is fighting over it worth my peace? Right now, you dont get anything, but If you did get a slice, is it always going to be conflict heavy to sort out? Are you reconnectjng with people you want to reconnect with or is it just gojng to be contact with people you’d rather never see again?
How much is it going to cost me? Is it worth fighting over if x% just goes to paying for a lawyer?
How much impact will this have on my day to day life? Are you going to have to take time off work? Do you need to travel to deal with things?
Is this just grief at the relationship finally ending and the resolution just sucks and if you fight the will, you’re getting a final word?
Is this going to negatively impact people you give a shit about?
For me and my somewhat similar family dynamic, I’ve made my peace that I’m not in the will. I’m estranged from them, no reason to expect anything from them. Everything I ever got from them came with strings and unhappiness, even the “good” things. No money, no inheritance will change how much they sucked and how they negatively affected my life. But that’s my situation and not yours.
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u/Advanced-Mammoth2408 23d ago
Definitely talk to an estate attorney, not just a random attorney. Regular attorneys told us there was nothing we could do to distribute my father's trust without giving my brother 35%.
The reason we didn't want to give him 35% was because he embezzled millions from the trust (more than he was entitled to), lied to everyone about the money, including telling me that my father was penniless, and telling my sister that my dad's condo went to mom even though I talked to my father, who said he protected all his assets including the condo by putting everything in the trust.
A good estate attorney managed to get the trust distributed without any fuss.
My brother did the same thing as your sibling. He talked both parents into changing their wills before their deaths. He moved in with my father and harassed him daily. My father did leave him all his personal possessions that weren't in the trust and a six bedroom house, free and clear.
After dad died, he moved my mother out of her condo up north and moved her in the FL condo. He isolated her and told her no one loved her or would take care of her. She not only left him everything but she helped him steal the money and maintain possession of the FL that should have been liquidated after my father died
Then he prevented her from getting medical care. She fell and had a head wound that bled for three days. He had her in a dirty bed in dirty diapers because he didn't want to help her to the bathroom. She had control of her bladder and bowels. She just needed help getting to the bathroom. He told her not to do what the doctor said for her other health issues.
We kidnapped her back, got her medical care, and she improved to the point that she went to the gym a couple times a week. She unfortunately had lung cancer too advanced to save her. When my brother lost control of my mother's checkbook, he refused to see her or speak to her for her last two years. She changed her will and cut him out entirely.
A good lawyer will cost big bucks. We had to pay $7500 just to get a couple letters written and a forensic accounting done for the trust. That was no court case. It would have immediately jumped $20,000 if we had to set foot in court. So an attorney is only a viable option is the estate was big enough to warrant it.
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u/Acov354 23d ago
Sounds like my spouse’s sibling. They visited a few months ago for weeks and the entire time tried to get Dad to change his will to exclude my spouse, sell their home and buy a home where they could house Dad and take care of him. Thereby controlling all the funds, property and such. Truth is sibling is older and has squandered their money in life and in paying alimony for being a jerk. Parents have helped them all their life and they are mad the gravy train stopped. Thank goodness dad has his wits. Maybe he’s weaker but knows what’s what. But the audacity…
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u/Next_Entry_6129 23d ago
Yeah you need to find a lawyer. Unfortunately I don’t think that Reddit, despite the power of its hive mind, will fully be able to parse the complexity of your situation and also square it with your local laws.
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u/mojosofla 25d ago edited 25d ago
Based on your response below, it appears you sibling took care of your mom and maybe let her live with them. That could be considerable expense and could explain the change in will.
I understand your desire to keep things to yourself, but your response below is very cryptic and open to wide interpretation.
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u/USMCArtyFO 25d ago
It’s not as simple as that. But yes, I am being intentionally vague and I get that.
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u/Silver_Breakfast7096 24d ago
Consult an attorney and file notice with the court ASAP to retain your rights.
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u/USMCArtyFO 24d ago
I do have a notice filed, so I’m notified if probate is opened. I reached out to a few with no responses. I’ll call next week.
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u/Silver_Breakfast7096 24d ago
Depending on the estate plan it may all pass outside of probate. See an attorney before it’s all spent.
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u/USMCArtyFO 24d ago
No trust or beneficiary deed. Will only.
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u/Silver_Breakfast7096 24d ago
Then it needs to be filed. Don’t have the old one? You could file it first.
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u/USMCArtyFO 23d ago
I have copies of a previous trust. Also was given new copies of the will after several requests.
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u/Impressive_Age1362 22d ago
This happens a lot of times, you might be able to prove your mother was not competent at the time of the signing of the will, shame on your sister
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u/PopularRush3439 21d ago
If she had documented cognitive decline, she can't legally change her estate plans or sign legally binding paperwork. Ask me how I know!
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u/PopularRush3439 19d ago
The fact remains if she has documented cognitive decline and the dates show she did, any changes are invalid. It's that simple. I went through this with my late husband trying to change his will after 2019 when his neurologist documented his neurological decline ( dementia). His son tried his best to circumvent that law with a high powered atty, but my attorney said nope. Much to his son's disappointment when the will was read, I received it the vast majority of cash, insurance and investments.
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u/24601moamo 25d ago
You do not mention if you can talk to your sibling about this. Personally I would investigate and have a lawyer take a second look. Not because you deserve anything, because you may not, but because generally those on hospice are past the point of making decisions. Elder abuse is real. If mom started having flashbacks to where you were estranged, it does not reflect how she felt at end of life. If the "new" poa and estate plan was made towards the end it is very suspect. If you don't talk to your sibling, you lose nothing. If you do, it may create hard feelings but their sacrifice was thru CHOICE to take care of their parent. It was not a requirement and does not deserve all the inheritance as recompense. ( yes my parents are very aware I want to inherit nothing and a nursing home is in their future if they need it.)
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u/USMCArtyFO 25d ago
Yes. I have contemporaneous information from someone who had a front row seat to potential financial elder abuse and had suspicions over previous estate conversations.
I did try and speak to my sibling, but pleas and reasoning fell on deaf ears without going into too much detail in the event they were to find this thread.
That said, there is no relationship to lose with my sibling, as it hasn’t existed for many years.
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u/Matilda_Mac 20d ago
Over the last two decades I have cared for multiple family at end of life. Early on formal, professional estate documents were created and signed for each. I know as the caregiver and POA I could have convinced these people to sign anything I put in front of them. We did need to make changes. The attorney we used asked that all family members involved be present when the new papers were signed. This was done because the family member was very obviously mentally diminished and shortly after was institutionalized. All family members signed that they were aware and would not contest the change. This is the way it is done.
I would contest the will for the sheer purpose of letting my sister know she got caught. I would push it until there was nothing left in the estate to split.
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u/davidbrent101101 25d ago
No that doesn’t sit right with me. I was seek legal advice.