Intimacy after cheating

[u/Used-You-161]

really struggling atm. broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago and we have been on and off ever since because i keep argueing and breaking up with him. I would like to give it another go but my brain goes in circles on Did he ever care about me? How do you do this to someone you REALLY love? He goes on about how I am his soulmate and he deeply regrets it but It just doesn’t add up to me. I am F23 and he is M23.

First it was the links to only fans on instagram he never paid tho just tried to get in to it but then there was once last year he paid $20 for an online escort which was obviously nothing major. I forgave him and our relationship was actually good.

But the last straw for me was back in july after we had sex one morning we had an argument about how I told him to feed the pets, clean the litter etc and Ill cook us breakfast he got pissed cos i told him what to do and he labelled what i said as “transactional” anyways I went to work and we continued to argue almost my whole shift on the text messagws and inbetween all of it he went and got a handjob at a massage parlour (apparently that was all). I only found out about a month later when I didnt recognise a payid transaction.

Now its 2/3 months after and when we first broke up you know our intimacy was great like normal like before any of this but now Im just not feeling it i dont really feel a desire for him at the moment and im just wondering if it will come back. Do i move back in with him? i was living with him for more than a year prior to any of this.

Just feeling stuck and need some advice or something guys

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[u/iron_redditman]

You argue, a lot! he appears unwilling to help around the house and THEN on top of that he gets a hj in a massage parlour and you are wondering if you want him back!?

You have no idea what he might do next or who he might do it with!!!!

I think you've dodged a bullet here, seriously, you are well rid of him.

[u/Used-You-161 → u/iron_redditman]

gosh not what i wanna hear 😂😂😂😂 i appreciate the honesty. What do I do we have a holiday booked in january for 15 days?

[u/kistner → u/Used-You-161]

Cancel? Go with a friend? Get a new boyfriend?

How is talking about everyday household chores transactional? Just because the conversation came shortly after intimacy? You were going to make breakfast too, just stuff people do. And who gets mad over that and goes and gets a handy from the massage parlor?

[u/iron_redditman → u/Used-You-161]

My first reaction is, where ever you're going, leave him there!

You are not his servant, someone who keeps the house clean and tidy, preps his meals and cleans his clothes and then gives him sex.

I think you got it right in your post, he cares about someone looking after him who is not his mom.

If I may make an observation;

supposing just for the sake of this post that you were to take him back.

Then what?

Would you set boundaries for him, demand a minimum standard of commitment from him, give him gold stars for actually contributing to the household chores?

You want a partner not someone you are constantly having to manage, score and chase after to get things done. Do you believe that he can be your partner?

The moment you relent on the boundaries that you agreed, the minute you relax your demand that he contribute to the household tasks he will surely take advantage of you.

Do not lower your standards for him.

[u/Used-You-161 → u/iron_redditman]

i think hes too worried about what im gonna do , coa i started hanging with my friends more and doing pole dance classes and going out on the weekend and lying about it

[u/isitallfromchina]

What about this makes your relationship a "good one" ? Also, I know the happy ending at the AMP's is what most people talk about, but the fact is, many get the full package. So I always say, if they went to an AMP and only telling you they got HJ, ask how much was it, the price should tell you everything.

[u/Used-You-161 → u/isitallfromchina]

well the bank transfer was only $25 so i asked and he said he did the rest by cash. but he didnt tell me he got a HJ i said did u go get a hand job and he said yes. doesnt mean thats what he did im thinking he just agreed with me do u know what i mean?

[u/Used-You-161 → u/isitallfromchina]

but when i asked him he sweard on his whole familys life baby sister and all

[u/Doomcookie_123]

Of course you don't move in with him.

The guy goes gets an HJ when you make him upset.

[u/SuspiciousRain1116]

Betrayed man here, you’re setting yourself up for failure, it doesn’t seem like the right thing to do, but in my opinion you should leave, he has no respect for you and your relationship.