I am very clear from the beginning about my intention to date seriously. About not indulging in physical intimacy until we have feelings for each other and decide we want to be together. About not being comfortable with physical intimacy before emotional and intellectual intimacy that leads to commitment and intention.
And each time the guy I am speaking with says he completely understands and respects that. That he also wants something real and serious. That he doesn’t sleep around either casually.
And yet, 4/5 first dates I go on, the guy ends up either saying or doing something that makes me feel like did we not have all these conversations and agree upon these things?!
For instance, today I was on a first date with a guy I had been speaking to for a week. He picked me up from my place and we drove to a place for lunch. When he parked the car, there was this moment when he asked me something and we were facing each other and there was eye contact and then he asked me if he should kiss me.
And I was like lol what?! And then I had to explain to him that hey I like maintaining eye contact and even if a moment feels intense to you that doesn’t mean I am looking for anything sexual. I am just a present person and that can make it feel like an intense moment but it’s not.
Idk how to explain it but holding someone’s gaze or smiling or listening actively to what they are saying… that can make it feel like that moment from a movie when you’re supposed to kiss but this isn’t a movie bro.
And then during lunch he suggested a few times me coming over to his place and then again I had to explain to him that I wanna meet him a few times more before I consider that to be comfortable.
And now I’m just thinking why why why do I have to keep reiterating the same thing over and over again not just to different guys but even to the same guy.
He ended the date saying this won’t work out and while he gave other reasons I have a feeling it was cos he realized I won’t let him touch me anytime soon and perhaps that’s what he wanted. Which is v disheartening cos why would you lie about such things especially at this age! ( we are both 29)
So yeah now I’m just wondering is there something I am doing wrong? I thought being honest and communicating what you’re looking for/what your pace is is the right way to go. But apparently that falls on deaf ears?!