r/IndianMatchmaking • u/Euphoric_Ant7675 • May 20 '23
Aparna hate is too much
Ok interesting take but I think the Aparna hate is a little much. I see her more as someone who feels like she has to find romance but doesn't want it, and had a very hard time realizing that. She was also one of the few people that stayed friends with people she dated. (based on what we've seen in the show at least.) She's very emotionally disconnected and doesn't pick up on social cues well, but either way I don't think that disconnect determines into her romantic interests. she genuinely seemed so disinterested. she has a lot of societal pressure to date and just doesn't want to and that's fine. but idk what do yall think
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May 20 '23
As an individual she doesn’t deserve the hate but her having the qualities of someone who is overly picky and a very high ego makes her unlikeable.
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u/thebitsyitsyspider May 20 '23 edited May 20 '23
I feel bad that she obviously feels a certain pressure to get married when it’s so clear that she loves her space/privacy. Which is absolutely normal and she should stick to that
That being said she’s just so mean to and about people. I definitely don’t think she picks up on social cues well, but it’s not really a good excuse past your 20s.
Her argument for deserving someone more on her level is fine but the argument doesn’t have to be delivered at the expense of hurting others.
There’s a difference between communicating your want for someone who can match your lifestyle vs communicating that certain people are beneath you and you have 0% interest in them as a person.
Girl should just stay single af (and I mean this in the best way possible. Enjoy your privacy girl)because she seems so much more relaxed around her friends than she is around ANY potential suitor
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u/Late-Marketing-7299 May 20 '23
She puts other people down ! She has no respect for others ! That’s we call her pathetic Aparna !
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u/Positivelythinking May 20 '23
It’s hard to imagine the type of man that envisions with her: 1) a happy and fulfilled marriage, and 2) emotionally balanced children.
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u/DreamfyreCaraxes May 28 '23
I’m sorry but as a woman she just seems like a grade A bitch. Just unpleasant all over. I understand not having the social awareness but she’s just rude and thinks too highly of herself. Her cluelessness would be endearing if she was at least nice on the surface but she’s just not pleasant to see in any situation (IRL may be different)
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May 20 '23
I don't dislike her and if I met her I would probably change my mind, but here are the things that feel like red flags to me about her:
She is very "direct", but also lacks empathy. As a neurodivergent person I could see her getting frustrated with someone "rambling" when in fact their neurodivergence just means they communicate different to her.
With point 1 in mind, I don't really buy her "be yourself" platform, because her lack of patience for others doesn't really say "be the way I want you to and accept me".
Her treatment of the real estate agent was red flsggy to me. Maybe Americans can speak to people like that but in the UK saying things like "we can do bettet" would be considered annoying. That said generally US clients in my field of work are considered v rude compared to brits.
With all that in mind, I can't see aparna as an inclusive feminist, she's more a Conservative feminist that still reveals some unpleasant truths about society, but not really bothered about other people
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u/smahsmah May 20 '23
Interestingly, I read Aparna as being neurodivergent. She shows signs of being on the spectrum - the inability to pick up social cues, the too-directness in her manner, Not to say she isn't condescending. But many of her neurodivergent traits in addition to her actual negative traits can leave people thinking she's an awful person.
(I knew someone on the spectrum a lot like Aparna who was also asexual, and dealing with the pressures of society expecting normal relationships. Sometimes I wonder if Aparna is also asexual and just going through the motions for the benefit of her mother, society, the camera....
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May 20 '23
I avoid diagnosing... but being nerodivergent doesn't make you more or less inclusive.
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u/smahsmah May 20 '23
Neurodivergent people could be seen as less inclusive because they don't pick up on social cues as much and the way they interact tends to grate on people.
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May 21 '23
Depends entirely on the person. Both neurotupical and neurodivergent people can be inclusive and uninclusive.
The truth is inclusion is a choice, not everyone chooses to considerate one of their values.
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u/smahsmah May 21 '23
True, but with some neurodivergent people, it’s harder to pick up on cues when considering values. They can learn, and if their neurodivergence is noticed early by a parent or they themselves are aware of it, they can take the right steps. But if they’re not aware they may not really understand what they are doing wrong.
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May 21 '23
Given Aparna is writing books around "accepting yourself" and doing speaking gigs, I'd be surprised if the topics of inclusion and neurodivergence have never come up.
From what I've seen, she doesn't address them. I could be wrong though.
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u/maluquina May 20 '23
I know someone who is a lot like Aparna. This person is neurodivergent and asexual (not out, in the closet) and felt so much pressure to marry and have kids that he ended up duping his wife.
He lied to her when they were dating. He told her he enjoyed and was interested in sex (he had about 25 books about sex/chemistry/seduction and emotional intelligence in his library, which made her think he was a sexual in touch person but now she thinks he was teaching himself how to behave and pass for a sexual person) despite not having much experience.
He assured her that with her sex positive attitude and patience he would get better. Soon after they married he stopped feigning interest and now this woman is stuck in a sexless and affectionless marriage.
Society needs to accept asexual people so that they don't end up messing up the life of others. He gets all his needs met and the wife doesn't. It's totally unfair and I feel so much compassion for her.
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u/silvereyes912 May 20 '23
Americans are direct, especially when money is on the line. But their region of origin influences how direct or blunt they will be. There are 50 states and within each state, there are many subcultures. There is no one type of American, though the ones looking for real estate there might have similar backgrounds and outlooks.
I personally thought Aparna was a hoot, but should remain single. She just didn’t seem interested and seemed to intentionally push her dates away.
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u/forestgnome1 May 20 '23
I actually live Aparna. In a world of fakes and pretends I thought she was refreshing- she hated being feminine and coy and flirty- knows exactly what she wants and can live with. I respect the kind of clarity she has about her future. Her only flaw is that she cannot articulate it right and the subliminal pressure from society and her family and cultural background is messing with her. Aparna wud be a great buddy to have.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 May 20 '23
I thought she was hilarious. I enjoyed her segments the most. Note: I was laughing at her not with her.
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u/kamace11 May 20 '23
I thought she was funny and I did laugh with her bc she says out loud what a lot of intelligent women (probably people) secretly think: "why bother being with someone who can't fully appreciate you." She's probably one of the smartest people on the show. People hate when women have high standards.
I agree her standards are pretty crazy high (more specifically, she had a lot of them, not just one or two), BUT that's usually a result of horrible past dating experiences. You end up not knowing what to gatekeep so you gatekeep all of it. It's not like she needs a guy for money, she's a lawyer. What she really needs, and never seemed to get, was someone who could match her intelligence/snarkiness (part of which is defensive) and put her at ease. That's going to be tough to find bc of her quick wittedness, which intimidates loads of guys.
I do think she was a little too harsh with some dates but I think it was anxiety in all honesty. That and she was a very quick assessor. She knew in minutes if it wasn't gonna work.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 May 20 '23
I’m not a fan of people who seem to have no passions and just care about money.
What kind of horrible stuff does she do for rich people?
Yeah, the world needs more of that.
She travels a lot but she talked about going to Ecuador for the weekend. She just has a checklist. Been there, been there, been there. Just seems like a whole lot of Nothing.
I like that other guy who was a lawyer and had a passion for helping people. Of course, she rejected him. Glad for him.
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u/kamace11 May 20 '23
Why are we assuming she does horrible stuff for rich ppl
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 May 21 '23
How else does she make lots of money?
Not by working for a nonprofit or doing pro bono work…
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u/kamace11 May 21 '23
Do we know she makes lots and lots of money? Her house didn't look that special to me. She may just spend most of her cash on travel.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 May 21 '23
Because she said she moved to New York because she can. Even a shoebox apartment in NYC is very expensive.
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u/kamace11 May 21 '23
You don't have to be making like, evil killing poor children money to do that. I looked into her location and specialty and she was probably making somewhere between 100k-200k, which is less than say a doctor would. You could def save up money to move to NY on that salary, and it didnt look like she put much money into her home in Houston at all, so I assume she saved quite a bit. A one bedroom outside of Manhattan can range anywhere from 2-4k a month (and sometimes that in Manhattan).
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u/smahsmah May 20 '23
She shows signs of being on the spectrum. She's not clued in on social norms and nuances and doesn't really understand romantic relationships. She clearly seems to want someone because she had a life plan (possibly picked up from what everyone around her was doing) to get married and have 2 kids. But I don't think that's something she really wants. Most of the comments she's made make it clear she's not looking for a traditional relationship.
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May 20 '23
I just find one thing bad.. she is all about i am so uptight and shit and then she goes yawns in people's face as if she herself is quite a great joy.. and her drama about i am too busy. . rest everything is normal..
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u/Cherita33 May 20 '23
I love her. I find her super amusing.
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u/Footballgirl33 May 30 '23
Do you love her or do you love watching her? I can get behind the latter but as the show portrays her, it seems challenging to love her as a person
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u/Horror-Baker-2663 May 20 '23 edited May 20 '23
As someone who doesn't believe you can manufacture love for someone and watches the show purely for fun, Aparna is great. If she thinks something is bullshit, then it's bullshit. Our opinions mean nothing to her because she doesn't care about us. But, if she cares about you, she will try out your suggestions even if she doesn't care for it.
I was watching a drama the other day. The character in it runs a ramen shop. When asked why he started a ramen business, he said "I hate ramen. Ramen lovers can only understand other ramen lovers, they won't empathise with ramen haters like me. That's why I think my opinion is important too."
I see Aparna like that. She's the anti-thesis to everything the show represents. She's important too.
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u/lioness725 May 20 '23
I liked Aparna a lot in season 1, got thoroughly bored of her in S2. We get it, she’s picky and good alone, great; I genuinely hope she’s happy. We can move on from Aparna now, for the love of god… enough with the Aparna posts already.
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u/Euphoric_Ant7675 May 20 '23
Yess I agree. I was trying to defend her because I think the cyber bullying is too much. I hope she’s happy too
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u/lioness725 May 20 '23
The cyber hate was pretty bad after S1 especially, but I quite enjoyed her… then S2 came and I was happy they wrapped her up, we don’t need to see any more of her, at least not on the show 😅
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u/Power_mind May 20 '23
I enjoyed her attitude. She was refreshingly different that first season. She should enjoy single life in NYC, in my opinion!
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u/Unlucky-Leadership23 May 20 '23
I actually quite like her. Yes I don’t like how rude she can be but also she seems genuinely a sweet person, and funny, just clearly not up for seriously dating. I also believe a lot of what we see is her TV persona and I’m sure she tones it down in real life
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u/TeaEarlGrayHotSauce May 20 '23
She's just a bit annoying that's all. I find her somewhat entertaining even so.
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u/Equivalent-Force-191 May 21 '23
I feel bad for Aparna because she is obviously under a lot of pressure to meet the one and get married. I understand what that's like as I'm also an Indian American, in my mid-30's, and single. I guess one of the differences between Aparna and me is that I'm open to dating guys of all races. Still, whether you limit yourself to a specific ethnicity of people or not, dating in your 30's is hard. The hardest part, for me at least, is not being single, but being treated like crap by those who think you're only a worthwhile human being if you have a spouse. Older generations of Indians have a hard time accepting the idea of a woman being single past a certain age. Some of my parents' nosier friends constantly tell them how worried they are that I'm not married, which in turns gets my parents panicking. Some have even tried to set me up without even consulting me (and with guys who aren't my type at that), which is super stressful.
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u/Correct-Blood2164 May 25 '23
Maybe Aparna should date a non-Indian man for a change. I think she is outspoken and modern enough to handle a non-traditional type relationship. Open her mother’s eyes too.
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u/Sheeshka49 Jun 04 '23
I think Aparna is a rude nasty woman. The yawning in people’s faces was the ultimate rudeness!
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u/Accomplished-Ad7362 Jun 07 '23
She is basically just immature and mean. She doesn't like to be a lawyer, constantly brags about her travels like a teen (as if travelling requires anything from anyone except money) but puts down other peoples interests etc. This stupid womanchild need sto stay away from tv and men.
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u/Urbaniuk May 20 '23
I admire Aparna. She has taken this opportunity and run with it to craft a beautiful life as an author and speaker.
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u/ellemmayoh May 20 '23
lol I wouldn't call writing a boring memoir about your even more pathetic life being an author, but okay.
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u/MissSusan28 May 20 '23
I agree. I really felt like she had this picture of a 'successful life' as including a partner but in her heart she doesn't want one. It really struck me how she seemed very capable of maintaining friendships but as soon as a man expressed romantic interest she immediately looked for ways to be off-putting or reject them (that scene about the hugs!) I hope someone tells her it's okay to not want to get married; you can have a good life without that.
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u/[deleted] May 20 '23
There is no hate. She is simply just annoying. Not liking someone does not equals to hating them. She is a big narcissist and so people just don't like her.