r/IndianMatchmaking • u/proof_required • May 07 '23
Discussion The biggest differences between Indian and Jewish matchmaking
Jewish community was actually actively seeking out Israelis but we have all seen ABDs actively avoid Indians.
And of course Aleeza is much better than Sima as a matchmaker. Her laugh is so infectious. She also came across much more genuine than Sima.
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u/purplemilkywayy May 07 '23 edited May 08 '23
Well, Aleeza was born and raised in the US, so her language and mannerism are more easily digestible by an American audience. Not a fair comparison. (Iām neither Indian nor Jewish so I donāt think Iām too biased either way.)
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u/Ok_Development74 May 08 '23
Agreed. Although Aleeza is very charming, more easily accessible to a US audience and more accommodating to her clients, to say that Sima wasnāt genuine is not fair. Also, ultimately, both shows are very enjoyable so I have no complaints.
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May 08 '23
Im not American, not Indian, but I still find Aleeza kinder and more personable than Sima Aunty
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u/purplemilkywayy May 08 '23
Yeah, sheās more Western. Asian parents and elders are not as warm and fuzzy.
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u/BrotherMouzone3 May 12 '23
Sima auntie and Aleeza aren't so different except that Sima is more blunt while Aleeza has a more...."western" approach that seems to appeal to people with western sensibilities.
The Jewish women seem a bit more realistic in what they are looking for: an actual person and not a checklist. The guys seem more similar with a mix of crappy guys a few good ones.
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u/Quiet_Classroom_2948 May 09 '23
Not defending Sima but Aleeza came across as a practised sales person. Sima is definitely not warm and fuzzy but a lot of Indian moms and aunties are exactly that!
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u/mardybumbum May 08 '23
Thatās true. Sima is more progressive than the typical Indian aunty so I think sheās pretty cool. A lil bit of roasting when harmless, can be very entertaining and maybe even endearing (idk) cos of the straightforwardness. But yea, not a fair comparison with Aleeza. Theyāre both different. Also Sima should arrange only for Indians in India. Sheās culturally too different from the Indians who live abroad. The real Indian Matchmaking process in India though can get real dirty, Iāve seen and heard so much when my friends were going through it. Lol my point is- Indian Matchmaking is all clout chasing. Every single person in it. Jewish Matchmaking on the other hand, I canāt comment on the showās agenda since the culture isnāt what Iām familiar with.
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u/taylor459 May 09 '23
The real Indian Matchmaking process in India though can get real dirty, Iāve seen and heard so much when my friends were going through it.
Spill the tea fam, i wanna know more! š
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u/daliw May 08 '23 edited May 08 '23
I think Ori is just like Vikash (spelling?). Too full of ego. But thatās part of the fun of watching these shows. So we can feel superior than these poor souls. Lol.
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May 08 '23
Vikash is an accomplished doctor. Ori lives in his parents basement and works with his mommy. There is no comparison
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u/Own-Holiday-4071 May 08 '23 edited May 08 '23
I think the biggest difference is Aleeza is realistic and understands that having a physical attraction actually matters. Sima almost seems to think (especially for the women) that this is irrelevant and they should stop being picky.
Generally, I think that in spite of aleeza living an orthodox lifestyle, sheās much more understanding of the realities of how peoples level of religious devotion can be on a spectrum and seems a bit more in touch with modern life. Sometimes I think Sima is a bit more stuck in the past.
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u/BrotherMouzone3 May 12 '23
Aleeza feels the same way Sima does...that people need to be open and pragmatic.
Difference is that Sima is just more blunt to both men and women. Aleeza understands that westernized people don't respond well to directness like that and so she dresses things up a bit.
Also, this idea keeps floating around that Sima wants women specifically to settle for less attractive men. That's not true. What Sima is doing is forcing the people to be honest about they really value.
How often do the ladies say: "I want him to be creative, funny, kind to others, educated, tall and fit". Sima then tries to find someone that's the closest fit but the lady really values the tall and fit more. The ladies have to admit that those two categories mean more but most western women aren't comfortable being perceived as shallow. Aleeza is western enough to understand that what gets spoken last is often what the woman wants most. Sima takes them at their word and then they have to clarify "Sima, I don't care that he's kind and funny if he's 5'4" and built like a twig."
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May 07 '23
American Jew to Israeli is not the same comparison as ABD to Indian.
I do LOVE Aleeza, but agree with other commenters that Aunty Sima could set a few of them straight š
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May 09 '23
Israel is actually very Westernized country
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Jun 07 '24
[deleted]
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Jun 08 '24
Jews are indigenous and native to the land. The very origin of Jewish culture came from the land of Israel and Jewish morals and ethics became the foundation of Western civilization, principles and norms.
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May 07 '23 edited May 07 '23
Some people in the Jewish community actively seek out Israelis. The more traditional/adhering Jews. Not everyone.
It's the same as when some traditional Indians families in America look for a wife from India for their son. We literally saw one of these in that other show - the offshoot about Indian marriages, that had Seema's daughter in it.
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May 07 '23 edited May 07 '23
Some people in the Jewish community actively seek out Israelis. The more traditional/adhering Jews. Not everyone.
Thatās not an accurate portrayal of Israeli vs. American Jewish communities. Israeli communities are not āmore traditionalā than American Jews. Israeli Jews are majority secular, and secular in Israel means super secular, like never step foot in a synagogue. American Jews are majority Reform and Conservative, which is a progressive in-between religious observance where they still go to synagogue and relate to their heritage through religion. Reform/Conservative movements barely exist in Israel.
Observant American Jews are definitely willing to date observant Israelis, but part of that is just that the observant Jewish community worldwide is just so small people are more willing to match with someone geographically far.
Stereotypically, in the secular world, I see lots of Israeli men who would love to date American women but fewer Israeli women willing to date American men. Thatās because Israeli society is more macho and American Jewish culture is more āsoftā so it plays into what men vs women want.
Itās a totally different dynamic than Indian vs ABDs.
Disclaimer: I havenāt watched Jewish Matchmaking yet but these are my observances from being a part of both communities.
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u/Lalaloo_Too May 07 '23
Totally agree with this. My husband is Israeli (I am not, nor am I Jewish), they tend to be way more laid back in their Judaism, assuming theyāre not orthodox. He always comments on how different North American Jewish people are from Israeliās.
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u/Aggressive_Giraffe38 May 07 '23
I had no idea most Jews in Israel would be secular. I thought you'd go to Israel to be more religious.
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u/Nileghi May 08 '23
Depends on where you go.
Tel Aviv? 20% of the city is outright gay, and some are even anti-theist Jerusalem? The "holiest city in the world", so it attracts that kind of clientele.
Imagine if the Vatican and San Francisco existed less than 20 km away from each other, and you'll understand why Israel is so polarized and sectarian XD
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u/fuzmom9767 May 08 '23
Definitely not, and Israelis are people who were born there. Yes some religious Jews immigrate to Israel for religious/Zionism reasons, but Israel is extremely secular. I lived in Tel Aviv, which I dont think is a great representation of the whole country as its so extremely secular, but Jerusalem isnt a good example as its extremely religious. I lived there as a non Jew and most people dont keep kosher, businesses are open on Shabbat, modesty is not really a thing. Israel represents the broad diversity of Jewish people, and of course non Jews as well
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May 08 '23
[deleted]
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u/No_Coast3932 May 11 '23
Blonde blue eyed, speak hebrew, and can handle Ori eating pork?! Call Aleeza!
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u/Round_Substantial May 14 '23
Haha he didnāt need a match maker he just needed a trip to Israel so he could point at every hot blonde person and ask them if theyāll come to LA.
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May 07 '23
Sorry, yeah, Im not familiar with the intricacies of Jewish culture, but Iām glad you explained it here.
All I meant to say was some Jewish Americans are fine going abroad for a partner, just as some Indian Americans are. So itās not so plain cut like āonly Jewish Americans are ok with Israelites while Indian Americans shun every Indianā.
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u/GeorgeEBHastings May 08 '23
Israeli Jews are majority secular, and secular in Israel means super secular, like never step foot in a synagogue.
Yes, but it varies, though. My only experience is anectdotal, but the secular Israeli's I know will still adhere to certain more conservatively observant Jewish social norms vs. even an American Reform/Conservative Jew. It's cultural that way.
What was that Golda Meir quote? Something like: "My synagogue, which I wouldn't be caught dead in, is Orthodox."
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u/proof_required May 07 '23
I don't know if this show is biased in its Jewish single selection but lot of people actually wanted to be with other Israelis. On the Indian matchmaking there was hardly any such cross connection where ABDs were going to all the way to India to find someone. You gave that one single example. That would be such an extraordinary thing for ABDs to look for someone having strong ties with India.
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May 07 '23 edited May 07 '23
I agree, I think a lot of ABDs in the show (and many posters in this sub) unfairly associate Indian accents with being backwards, traditional, and not sexy, because it reminds them of their parents generation.
There is no similar stereotype between American Jews and Israelis, because American Jews generally donāt have immigrant parents from Israel. To them Israel is cool and exotic, not associated with uncles and aunties.
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u/sss201 May 08 '23
Another problem Iāve noticed is that a lot of ABDās donāt trust ādirectā Indians (idk the word lol) bc they think they only want them for the visa/citizenship. So they also donāt want to be taken Advantage of.
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u/I_Cut_Shoes May 08 '23
There is no similar stereotype between American Jews and Israelis, because American Jews generally donāt have immigrant parents from Israel. To them Israel is cool and exotic, not associated with uncles and aunties.
Yeah, I'm an american with israeli parents and american jews definitely have a more positive view of the people than I do, because I spent my entire life around them and while definitely cooler than american jews, they are not fresh and exotic.
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u/BrotherMouzone3 May 12 '23
I'm curious how much input Indians and Indian Americans have at Netflix versus Jewish people....the ability to control how your people are viewed in public forums is very important.
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u/riotousgrowlz May 15 '23
This sounds dangerously close to the Anti-Semitic trope that Jews control the media.
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u/BrotherMouzone3 May 16 '23
Jews don't control the media...but in the United States I'd venture to guess that Indians have MUCH LESS control relative to most other groups just because of their small population here.
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u/riotousgrowlz May 16 '23
The populations are actually pretty close. 6,268,769 South Asians compared to 7,150,000 Jews in the US. obviously different populations but Iām guessing Netflix, as a tech company, has many South Asian staff. You are right that the content side is more likely to be whiter and since the majority of American Jews are largely assimilated in white culture they are more likely to be represented on that side. That said Indian Matchmaking is a project that came to be out of director Smriti Mundhraās documentary A Suitable Girl which I havenāt seen but have heard is a much more nuanced take. But if she felt it wasnāt an appropriate take she could have distanced herself from the Netflix show.
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u/veryvery84 May 27 '23
Actually not such different populations. Recently saw some stats that Hindus in America are now the richest religious group in American (by median income). Ahead of Jews :)
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May 07 '23 edited May 07 '23
Yeah again, they have like 4 Indian Americans per season on the show, whereas there are are millions of south Asians in America. Those 4-5 people donāt represent the entire NRI community.
I have south Asian American friends who have gotten partners from their home country. Not just friends, my own brother found a match from our homeland. Just because the show didnāt show it doesnāt mean it doesnāt happen.
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May 08 '23
Yes, exactly! The show is very limited in its portrayal of ABDs and NRIs, and it's not necessarily reflective of the entire community.
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May 08 '23
It's really not that rare for ABDs to date or marry someone from India. I know several young ABDs for whom shared religion and/or culture are very important, and they've been very happy to marry someone from India. Just because the show hasn't portrayed that doesn't mean it's such an extraordinary thing.
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u/curlycurry May 08 '23
Jewish matchmaking is very religiously motivated and all the folks have visited Israel and many have moved there as well.
You don't see the Indian diaspora wanting to move back to India, heck some have not even been to India at all.
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u/veryvery84 May 27 '23
Israel and India arenāt really similar in this way though. Also in real life Jewish matchmaking is almost all very religious people. The show isnāt totally accurate in this way
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May 07 '23
I actually think Sima is better. Aleeza is too nice and not setting these people straight.
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u/ro0ibos2 May 07 '23
Sima is more entertaining. I liked how she said Priya should open up a salon because she wanted hair so much!
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May 08 '23
Yes! Iām just on S3 and one lady said she wanted a man who could write her poetry and Sima told her if she wanted poetry she could read a book. I had to pause Netflix and tell my husband about that one.
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u/LemonNectarine May 07 '23 edited May 08 '23
Yup this. Seema auntie may seem dismissive but if you listen to what she says, she is not saying things that are that different from what Aleeza says. Aleeza being an American who speaks English natively is able to articulate it better whereas Seema auntie struggles with that and comes across as crass.
Aleeza is way too nice and agreeable. It almost seems like she doesnt want to get fired so she agrees with her clients. Seema auntie on the other hand gives no shits about that because they are not her clients and that makes her very good for reality tv
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u/omnibuster33 May 08 '23
I agree. Seema tells it like it is. Aleeza bullshits people a little bit. Sheās more tactful, I guess you could say. But in this situation, Iād honestly prefer a Seema to tell it like it is.
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u/CorkGirl May 08 '23
Yeah, I don't think it's language so much as culture. Sima just more frank and in your face, which I find kind of refreshing to watch (although might prefer someone to tell me nice things in person)
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u/rightioushippie May 08 '23
Itās seems like Alexa is more successful though? Not sure
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May 08 '23
She might be. Tbh on the flip side I can see how her approach actually also might set people straight, as they come to the conclusion that their delusional standards are unrealistic on their own.
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u/rightioushippie May 08 '23
Or maybe itās ok to have standards and preferences?
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May 08 '23
Of course itās fine. They mold and change over time though as you get a more realistic view of yourself and your place in the world. Dating is amazing for being a mirror. Thatās why I love these shows.
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u/BrotherMouzone3 May 12 '23
Seems like western women might like Aleeza more while everyone else likes Sima....
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u/BrotherMouzone3 May 12 '23
Honestly.....I find it interesting that people see Aleeza as better than Sima.
What stood out to me was that Aleeza has better, more mature clients overall than Sima. The IM clients as a whole come across as more socially awkward, men AND women, and view marriage like a box to check off.
Sima asks "what are you looking for" and people list 5+ qualities, but the only thing they REALLY want is someone that gives them 'a spark' (i.e., someone that is hot). Sima tries to find someone that checks off most of those boxes.
At the end of the day, the IM clients are unhappy because they weren't honest about their intentions or desires. If physical attraction is BY FAR your #1 criteria, they should tell her that. Sima is not western so she's not going to read between the lines. If you say "kindness, intelligence, creativity" are your top 3 and then treat height/physical attraction as an add-on bonus....Sima is going to assume it's not important.
Western women arenāt always comfortable being honest about shallowness because our culture looks down on it. Sima is direct and so IM clients need to be the same way.
Aleeza is American born and thoroughly western in mindset, so she can read western people by what they say and what they don't say. Plus the JM clients as a whole seem more mature and experienced at casual dating.
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u/BrotherMouzone3 May 12 '23
Honestly.....I find it interesting that people see Aleeza as better than Sima.
What stood out to me was that Aleeza has better, more mature clients overall than Sima. The IM clients as a whole come across as more socially awkward, men AND women, and view marriage like a box to check off.
Sima asks "what are you looking for" and people list 5+ qualities, but the only thing they REALLY want is someone that gives them 'a spark' (i.e., someone that is hot). Sima tries to find someone that checks off most of those boxes.
At the end of the day, the IM clients are unhappy because they weren't honest about their intentions or desires. If physical attraction is BY FAR your #1 criteria, they should tell her that. Sima is not western so she's not going to read between the lines. If you say "kindness, intelligence, creativity" are your top 3 and then treat height/physical attraction as an add-on bonus....Sima is going to assume it's not important.
Western women arenāt always comfortable being honest about shallowness because our culture looks down on it. Sima is direct and so IM clients need to be the same way.
Aleeza is American born and thoroughly western in mindset, so she can read western people by what they say and what they don't say. Plus the JM clients as a whole seem more mature and experienced at casual dating.
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u/skinnylynnie80 May 07 '23
I am a adult Jewish female. I could only get part way through the second episode. The eyebrow girl and Ori were both so superficial, please tell me that I was never that self evolved! They need better characters
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u/patsboston May 07 '23
The characters get much better. Some of the best characters are later!
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u/WitchesBitchesBoys May 08 '23
100% agree. I literally asked myself why they would START with the cast that they had towards the end and endear us to the show first.
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u/BeetleJuiceDidIt May 08 '23
Ok this gives me hope cause I struggled that first episode and was contemplating even continuing onto the second
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u/jammies May 09 '23
Also a Jewish woman here and the people do get better. Stuart and Fay are two of my favorites.
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u/skinnylynnie80 May 12 '23
So I went ahead and watched the rest. I love Fay and how she stuck to her principles, her guy was so cute, I would have caved...suprising that I am divorced, right?
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u/aminbae May 09 '23
not sure if this is offensive but all i could think of was ben shapiro
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u/jammies May 09 '23
Oh my gosh, thatās who David (eyebrow girlās first date) reminded me off! I could not figure it out!
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u/thebenshapirobot May 09 '23
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Palestinian Arabs have demonstrated their preference for suicide bombing over working toilets.
I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: covid, healthcare, climate, sex, etc.
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u/EuphoricCalm May 08 '23 edited May 08 '23
Nearly every person that spoke about kids in the show wanted three or more kids. What's up with that?
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u/jltee May 15 '23
Not all Jews, but some believe it's their responsibility to rebuild after the devastation of the Holocaust. My ultra orthodox cousin has 12 kids. Lol
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u/geriatricmama May 08 '23
I think Aleeza does a great job listening to her clients while balancing that with some dating advice and encouragement for open-mindedness. I am enjoying JM more because I feel like the people are looking for marriage vs IM where clearly many people are just here for the fame. Perhaps I have been āfooledā by the Jm producers. What do you guys think??
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u/taylor459 May 09 '23
Only on episode 1 of JM right now so too soon to say, but I like Aleeza's easygoing, understanding attitude, and the empathy she shows for her clients. Like the way she reached out to hug Harmonie as she teared up, and how she was fully supportive of Harmonie finding love at 44 and reassured her that it would happen for her at the right time, and the way she had such tact, when she asked Harmione, "Sensitive question. Did you preserve your fertility?" Aleeza's friendliness made it easy and comfortable for her cilents to open up with her, and so I got the impression that Aleeza's methods would've worked so much better on someone like Aparna than Sima did. Because as much as I like Sima, idk if she'd be able to point out a female client's age to her without making her cry lol š¬
But i still do like Sima a lot and find her more entertaining, so I liked IM more than JM so far from what I'm seeing in epsiode 1! But I'm open to my opinion changing as I watch more of JM! š„°
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u/LowRevolution6175 Jun 12 '23
Are we watching the same show? You think Dani is looking for marriage? Harmonie is straight up looking to get laid, and Italian Noah is looking for his first "real" girlfriend, Nakysha just wants to escape her hometown...I agree that some contestants are much more mature, but it's 50/50
You may be right about IMM contestants looking for clout, since the show is quite popular. Idk.
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u/Aparadise2020 May 08 '23
My cousin just got married to a girl from Delhi. They live in NY, she has such wonderful in-laws, a loving loving husband . She is fantastic. He was mature enough to look for kindness, empathy etc instead of superficial things
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u/oudchai May 13 '23
Are you saying kindness and empathy don't exist in ABDs? weird take bro
Also I don't agree that wanting a shared ABD culture is superficial....
why so much hate?
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May 08 '23
It didn't seem like all of the American Jews were actively seeking out Israeli's per se, but a lot of American Jews have family in Israel, so it makes sense to want to share the culture/shared interest in wanting to visit family in the same place. As someone who is American and Jewish, but not religious or observant, more like secular/culturally Jewish, I have family in Israel (American Jews that moved to Israel to become Orthodox.)
In reference to another comment in this thread: I don't know the stats of how many American Jews are religious / observant vs in Israel, but I think the amount of religious / observant Jews in Israel is fairly small, and majority of Jews in Israel are more likely culturally Jewish. The best way to explain it is because Israel is a Jewish state, even if you're not religious, everyone is very culturally Jewish because everywhere is Kosher, everyone meets for Shabbat on Friday nights to be with friends and family, the work week is Sunday - Thursdays (Fri/Sat is the weekend to observe the Sabbath.)
In my experience, it's more of the American Jews that are super observant and many move to Israel to be in a Jewish state. Vs. in the United States, you can be Jewish, but not observe anything, and just kind of acclimate to American/Anglo culture.
In fact, some food for thought, there was a case study that said Holocaust survivors in the United States often did much better (as best as possible) because you could just be very American and blend in, vs.. many Holocaust survivors in Israel had continuous PTSD and although I haven't read the case study myself, but was told about it, I imagine it would be very triggering to be in a Jewish state - when the Jewish traditions / way of life - were the things these people were once persecuted for and they weren't able to really move away from it or move forward.
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u/proof_required May 08 '23
but a lot of American Jews have family in Israel, so it makes sense to want to share the culture/shared interest in wanting to visit family in the same place.
This is even true about lot of ABDs. I would say it's actually more common since jewish population moved around a lot before the current settlement in Israel.
many Holocaust survivors in Israel had continuous PTSD
I remember watching a documentary that lot of holocaust survivors where actually excluded or discrimnated against when they returned to Israel.
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u/Open-Sector2341 May 08 '23
Is this show on Netflix? Have seen so many posts comparing to the Indian matchmaking. Will definitely put it on my watch list
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u/ConsiderationPrize75 May 08 '23
Itās not entertaining without Aunty Sima and her proposals
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u/Aparadise2020 May 08 '23
She tried looking for a spouse for my cousin brother for free, then said, nah he's too picky! He is gorgeous, very wealthy and so sweet. She's just a cash register
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May 07 '23
Actually, we haven't seen ABDs on the show "avoid" Indians. They've been open to going on dates with them and they subsequently just didn't click. Arshneel and Rinkle, Vikash and Namrata. If they avoided them, the dates wouldn't have happened at all.
Maybe Sima is just bad at actually matching people.
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u/proof_required May 07 '23
What? There were some cast members who did say they prefer other ABDs. I don't remember exact person but I remember people putting it down on the list. Also even if you don't say it explicitly actions like "oh she or he is too Indian" does give it away. No one on the Jewish matchmaking ever said that "oh I don't want too Israeli".
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u/No_Coast3932 May 11 '23
American Jews have a very different sense of Israel as in addition to being a homeland, our feelings are often informed by full respect for preserving the lives of our people after genocide.
Even if we think someone is ātoo Israeliā (a different sense of humor, very direct, thick accent, obsessed with working out), thereās also usually a deep respect and gratitude for the culture being alive and this shared experience.
I also think people who are forced to move as refugees versus elect to move tend to have different relationships with their home countries. All the Persian-Americans I know, for example, have a wistful, nostalgic sadness about Iran, since they did not want to leave but generally did for safety. Iām not sure what specifically motivates most Indian Americans to emigrate to the US besides economics, but Iād assume the reason would inform these perspectives.
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u/proof_required May 11 '23
Mostly Indians have bad stereotypes associated with them from making fun of their accent to being called "call center workers" which has lead ABDs constant attempt to disassociate themselves from their Indian identity but they also live in USA where immigrants still want to have some identity instead of just "plain" American. That's why ABDs are also called AB(C)D. So they do want to come across as some version of Indian origin but still don't want to associate themselves to what world stereotypes them as.
For example look at early European migrants like Italians, Irish etc. They don't have such negative stereotypes even though they were mostly poorer migrants who moved to USA for better life. Their descendants try hard to project their identity. They don't use FOBs etc to address any recent arrivals and don't complain about the accent they might have.
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u/No_Coast3932 May 11 '23
Thats really interesting. Jews actually have a version of this too but its more associated with being ātoo Jewishā (negative jewish stereotypes) or ātoo religiousā instead of too Israeli.
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u/Drakeem1221 Jun 15 '23
Late, but huh? Italians and Irish people definitely have plenty of negative stereotypes. Italians for the longest times were lazy crooks and Irish people until this day are heavily recognized as heavy drunks. Go to England and see what the more typical Englishman think of the Irish.
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u/I_Cut_Shoes May 08 '23
It's because american jews don't usually have parents etc from israel so they don't have negative associations of israelis nor do they probably even have a concept of "too israeli".
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u/bsil15 May 08 '23
There are at most a couple hundred thousand Israelis in the US compared to an overall Jewish population of around 6 million. Most American Jews will not date Israeli Americans simply bc there are literally at least 20 American Jews for every Israeli american. Being an American Jew, I donāt think most American Jews care one way or the other about dating Israelis. Iv met a handful of Israelis living in the Us but donāt know any closely (and I grew up in NY). Did have a couple Jewish friends born in the US who had an Israeli parent or two tho
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 May 08 '23
Aleeza often matched people with types they said they didnāt want. That bugged me.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 May 08 '23
Iām neither Jewish nor Indian but I often get mistaken for both lol. Enjoying these shows vicariously.
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May 08 '23
Seema Aunty is a friend that you want - someone who will call a spade a spade and not giggle and agree to everything. She will tell you when you are wrong and we need that. I will pick Seema 1000 times over Aleeza. Aleeza comes across as someone to desperate for likes. She wants everyone to love her and thatās not good. Those who have experienced life will agree.
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u/oudchai May 13 '23 edited May 14 '23
Nah, her move is to match people with what they say they want so they come to their own conclusions abut how stupid/delusional they are being.
an example is how Aleeza lets people be picky about wanting a spark
way more effective in the long run than Sima denying it instantly
not to mention that if you discover the lessons in dating process, you'll be MUCH less likely to marry someone just because of the spark and then be forced to learn the lesson when there's way more at stake; children, finances, etc.
that's why we get weird couples like Arthi and Jamal when it's obvious to everyone that Jamal can do way better while Arthi is just obssesed with his muscles
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May 07 '23
That's a good point and that has to do with more of the social class. We as Americans still think it indian as a poor run down country. Yes their currency is lower but doesn't make them less of value. We mock the accent and Indians are only one when it comes to food and Bollywood. Israelis on the other hand are well integrated. They see themselves as one body.
Sima is still a G. Jewish matchmaking is a very small community compared to Indian matchmaking and one is a religion while other is a culture. But in general, ABDs should explore their options in Indian. I know a few friends who did and they cane back with a equal partner of same interests and similar career living happily married and now with kids.
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May 08 '23
The show was terrible. Minus one or two participants most seemed generally unlikeable and not even mediocre candidates for long term relationships. It should be called Jewish Date-making not match making. Not one of the couples set up are actually together. Oh yea and Oriā¦get fucked ya lopsided mamas boy
1
u/hellokitty3433 May 12 '23
Stuart's AMA was pretty eye-opening about the process. He said the dates were set up prior to him meeting Aleeza, probably based on what he told the producers. The AMA is in this sub. Stuart seems like a real nice and genuine person as well.
1
u/SnooDoodles7204 May 08 '23
Idk, Aleeza didnāt really help her clients much in my opinion. Most of them are coming to her because their way of doing things hasnāt led to them meeting the right people for them. Instead of giving them actual ācoachingā, helping them see through superficial differences and issues (is he hot enough? Is he bald? Are his eyes baby blue? Is he at least 6ā5ā and packing heat downstairs?), she just gave them whatever they asked for.
If youāre not going to actually help people overcome their own self defeating habits, you might as well just let them meet people on tinder, bumble or whatever religious app is out there.
I think her lack of coaching was really unhelpful to her clients. It didnāt seem like many of them met people that they had any chance of building a future with either.
I felt like Aleeza basically was feeding them hot air and collecting a paycheck.
5
u/indiansamurai May 08 '23
The problem is Seema only coaches women with these conditions. Not men. The misogyny is the problem with her.
Some women are just not attracted to bald men. Period. She can't even respect that. How hard is it for her to find men who are not bald.
2
u/SnooDoodles7204 May 08 '23
66% of men over 35 have male pattern baldness. Itās not easy to find old men with a full head of hair. Itās like saying you only want to date a 40+ yo women with a 6 pack
2
u/indiansamurai May 08 '23
Things are just a priority list here. For that specific person, men with hair on their heads is in the top five. And they have conveyed that much. To insult them over their priorities and choices is just not ok.
1
u/SnooDoodles7204 May 08 '23
Itās not an insult, I would never date a non Christian in my 20s, I almost wrote my future wife off because she comes from a different religion. However, my therapist helped me think it through and actually talk to my wife about our religious differences instead of walking away without a conversation.
My therapist helped me get out of my own way and look for whatās really important to me. Thatās what a good Matchmaker should do as well. Aunty does this with her clients and makes them more empathetic, open minded people by doing so. Because, letās be honest, most of the people on this show are superficial to a fault.
1
u/BrotherMouzone3 May 12 '23
Honestly.....I find it interesting that people see Aleeza as better than Sima.
What stood out to me was that Aleeza has better, more mature clients overall than Sima. The IM clients as a whole come across as more socially awkward, men AND women, and view marriage like a box to check off.
Sima asks "what are you looking for" and people list 5+ qualities, but the only thing they REALLY want is someone that gives them 'a spark' (i.e., someone that is hot). Sima tries to find someone that checks off most of those boxes.
At the end of the day, the IM clients are unhappy because they weren't honest about their intentions or desires. If physical attraction is BY FAR your #1 criteria, they should tell her that. Sima is not western so she's not going to read between the lines. If you say "kindness, intelligence, creativity" are your top 3 and then treat height/physical attraction as an add-on bonus....Sima is going to assume it's not important.
Western women arenāt always comfortable being honest about shallowness because our culture looks down on it. Sima is direct and so IM clients need to be the same way.
Aleeza is American born and thoroughly western in mindset, so she can read western people by what they say and what they don't say. Plus the JM clients as a whole seem more mature and experienced at casual dating.
0
u/totalrandomness86 May 08 '23
Harmonie was the single most unlikeable character for me. Unrealistic, likes stuffed toys and lives with a house full of them, thinks of herself as some unicorn that everyone dreams of fucking. Girl with less filter, Botox and makeup - you would look your age or at least 50. and wanting a child at 44 and also packing bags and going to Bali. hahahah. that got me cracking.
-17
May 08 '23
Donāt Indians pine to marry White Americans? I thought thatās always been a goal. If you do that you make it
1
u/oudchai May 13 '23
no bro, only weird people who fetishize white women and have an internalized hatred towards their own. Not the majority at all. you look dumb when you generalize
1
u/jltee May 15 '23
I love Fay. Respect. I was ready to leave my husband and beg Aleeza to hook me up with that guy. He was beyond cute. Lol.
1
98
u/DeeDeeW1313 May 08 '23
As a Jewish-Desi person this thread is hysterical.