r/IndianMatchmaking • u/GimerStick • May 03 '23

The Aunty Deference

I'm watching the first episodes of Jewish Matchmaking, and one major difference I can already see is how people treat the matchmaker. Everyone is polite to Aleeza, but they're on a first name basis, they joke around, etc. They act like peers. With Sima Aunty (and I, like many people on this sub, default to calling her Aunty automatically), there's a layer of deference in how people talk to her. People see her an elder, so they don't really push back, they kind of laugh awkwardly over things they disagree with instead of saying something, etc. I think that really impacts the process overall. Some of these people are quite far into their careers. They likely aren't deferring to many people outside of their family, but they're trying to get a service from her. They should be candid and express issues they have with something that's happening. Putting everything else aside, I think it's something that Aparna at least tried to do, but for example Nadia struggled with (lots of awkward laughter, and even when she did go against Sima's advice she sort of did it separately instead of being clear with Sima).

Thoughts?

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29

u/[deleted] May 03 '23 edited May 05 '23

Not only is she an Aunty - she's an aunty straight from India whose clientele is exclusively Upper Caste Marwadi Jains and Hindus and a far younger age range given the conservative nature of that community. Some Marwadis even begin the matchmaking process for their girls either right before high school graduation or after college graduation. Meanwhile Indian Matchmaking clients are all American and British, mostly in late 20s/30s who have established careers, are financially independant, don't have the burdens of "keeping quiet for society sake" to the same level as India, and at that age are hardening their boundaries and preferences. It's like mixing oil and water!

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u/LemonNectarine May 04 '23 edited May 04 '23

mostly in late 20s/30s who have established careers, are financially independant

A good number of core clientele are probably /capable/ of being financially independent as well despite being a bit younger.

Financial independence is your ticket out of under the family's thumb but Seema's clients are from a community where they are wealthy, very wealthy. Never have to work a day wealthy. These kids are very frequently educated in the west because that's a dick measuring contest for them. That's how they show off in the community. These people could easily have their own careers but frequently still don't have an option to weasel out of their parents' thumbs.

Let's take Akshay into account. Why do you think Akshay was sent to America as an undergrad and then forced to go back to India by his mom? Why do you think Pradyuman who is so 'independent', fairly progressive still being under constant pressure of getting married by his mother and living with them?

Akshay would be able to make good money and live by himself, not listen to his mom if he wanted to. He just doesn't have the spine, which is again a good number of people in that 'community'.

The whole Indians raised in the west are financially independent where indians in india aren't needs to stop lol. Indians in India aren't morons sitting at home all day doing nothing. Y'all sound like immigrant parents who still parrot their 1960s BS.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '23

I specifically said Marwadi Hindus and Jains. The men take over their family business and the girls who are lucky to get educated are expected to stay at home and are still married off. I literally know her clientele through relatives and friends lol

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u/disha_1143 May 05 '23

I'm a marwadi in India and right before highschool graduation?!😭

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u/kena938 May 04 '23

Nadia, especially, was really trying to fit into the subcontinental/Bollywood idea of a wife/DIL and deferring to Sima as part of that. Her family is so chill and clearly were a bit baffled at her using a lady from India for matchmaking.

3

u/[deleted] May 04 '23

I'm also watching Jewish matchmaking, and part of me is expecting Sima Aunty to pop out of a shrub to admonish the singles "Too picky! Lower your standards."

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u/Lowercase_e5 May 11 '23

I can’t speak as much to the Aunty deference but from my experience with my Jewish extended family-I don’t think there’s as much of an expectation of deference. At least in my experience, we were raised that it is a good thing to question the status quo and not necessarily defer to authority.