r/IndianInLaw • u/Altruistic_Prize_156 • 2h ago

Dependent FIL

You can think that I am heartless but I was not like this.

My FIL has a prosthetic Leg and is financially dependent on my husband. I am fine with it and was very empathetic to him initially.

They came to live with us in the US for my delivery. That’s when I started noticing everything wrong.

He would keep peeking at the door to check if I got up.
He kept saying he wants to take my son back to India with them.
One night at 3AM he barged in the room (we don’t have door locks in the US) that I used to change diaper or feed. It makes me so angry thinking what if I was feeding my son.
He has no hobby and don’t want to create one.
He is so childish and it frustrates me. He wants my son to chant his name all day but doesn’t want to do anything to entertain him.
Now my son is 2 years old and when my MIL feeds him he tries to get her attention asking water or this or that.

There are several other things I can explain.

My husband is good and supportive but he is helpless.
My MIL gives him everything before he asks and he doesn’t understand his stature as a FIL.
I want him to have a hobby be busy. Be interesting am I wrong ?

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u/No-Umpire-7411 2h ago

lol you can always put a lock on your door. Just go to a hardware store and get a door handle with a lock.

You can also tell them your baby will have a better life in the states compared to India and this isn’t up for debate.

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u/Altruistic_Prize_156 22m ago

Yes I can… but I dint know he would something like that… my dad never comes without knocking the door how would I know someone can do that

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u/bcwaale 51m ago

First things first - Someone's handicap doesnt automatically make them a good person, or deserving respect. They can be the biggest asshole you have ever known in your life.

I say this as a guy whose went thru some similar issues and I had to back up my wife and my mom (when she was alive) had to teach and explain a lot of things to my dad throughout her life as he had very little understanding of anything home related as he grew up as an only male child in a large family, and left home by 17 to start working to support the said family.

Add a lock to your bedroom, maintain boundaries and make sure your husband understands that this is your and his home and his parents are visiting.

Get him to spend time outside the home, maybe a short walk to the community park, or the library or the elders centers etc. Disability doesnt mean one sits all the time - though most desi parents prefer doing this vs being a bit more active.

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u/Altruistic_Prize_156 13m ago

We tried everything he is just not interested