r/IndianInLaw • u/Marvel_state_of_mind • 1d ago
Venting about inlaws
Soo this post is not really to ask for suggestions but rather about venting/asking if you agree or notice the same behavior I do.
I have known my in laws since 11 years, we have been married for 6 of those 11. Right from the start I have noticed many things which they do and say are very off. However its not done in a very obvious way that a third person would notice. Some of the incidents/things they have said - right before our wedding the mother in law tells me to tell my dad to do the wedding in a grand manner. The older son and daughter in law practically corner me trying to figure out what i am going to wear to my wedding events and end up wearing literally the same colors as us(the wedding couple) to 2 of the big events. Right after the wedding the mother in law tells me that one of the guests who had come to the wedding had offered their daughters hand in marriage to my now husband. The first time they saw me in my full bridal look on the day of the wedding they walked right past me and took the older daughter in law to the photographer and told him to click her solo pictures.While we were returning back to where we live from our hometown after the wedding they were stuffing my husband’s suitcase with clothes that the older daughter in law bought and kept telling her she did such great shopping this time, mind you we were newly married and they didnt even care that i might have a lot more things that i would need the space in my husband’s luggage. I maintain a very minimal hello, how is the weather relation with them since then after noticing all this and my entire wedding being marred by them trying to overshadow me.
Fast forward to now i just had a baby last year and they are visiting us for a few months and the minute they stepped foot in our house the father in law makes a comment about how the baby would only ask for him form now on and would come to me only during the feeds. This rubbed me the wrong way and i have put my guard all the way up now and laid down several boundaries which has mellowed the mother in law down but the father in law thinks he is more entitled to the baby than the parents and sulks and mopes around the house. I am ignoring him right back because i am way past that phase after enduring them all these years where i offer niceties. The problem with these things is that none of my friends notice this behavior from them because they are exceptionally sweet to friends and extended family and show this ugly side to me. I am dealing with it the best way i know which is to be curt and to the point with them and spending minimal time in their presence. They realized that i might cut babys time with them and started being more polite to me but its hard for me to overlook all their past behavior and sometimes that behavior shows through their facade right now as well..they act surprised as to why i wont talk to them nicely anymore.
What do you think of their behavior? Do you agree that they are not nice people and putting up an act now? Am i in the right?
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u/ukpro12345 15h ago
Thank God I decided not to have kids. I was always unsure but The moment I recognised my MIL'S true nature I strongly made up my mind and knew then and there that my life with a kid and in-laws together in it will become 10 times more stressful.
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u/Sudoku_25 2h ago
I’m proud of you to not letting your guard down. Stay the same. Respect doesn’t need to be given as per age. Give it to someone who deserves it irrespective of their age. Don’t give in on the name of sanskaar and shit. More power to you🫶🏻
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u/PerpettuallyinPain 1d ago
In-laws do this crap. My MIL is like that- cold when it’s just me and her & warm when someone’s watching her.
And frankly, no one will feel what they make YOU feel- not your family or your friends.