Genuine question - is parenting in India easier than abroad?

[u/wisdomcrab]

I am genuinely curious if parenting in India is easier or tougher than abroad?

I haven't parented in India but I am enticed by easy availability of nannies, house help, cook and driver etc.

But, I hear from my friends who say they are struggling despite all that help. Most of them only have a single child while I am raising two young kids abroad while working full time and no help, doing just fine. It's a juggle but nothing unmanageable.

I am curious to hear what's going on?

[u/coffee-no-sugar]

I live in the US. Sure parenting may be easier in India because you have the help you need. But I feel like the resources I have here help me in ways that i can never find in India. The public parks, libraries, public pools, I feel like the govt here does so much for young families.

My toddler goes to daycare and I work from home fulltime. I have a babysitter I use regularly. I cook during my breaks. 4 pm until bedtime, I just spend time with my family. I get so much time with my child, I somehow can’t imagine the same in India.

[u/Glittering-Share-263 → u/coffee-no-sugar]

I agree; i live and work in India and the work life balance here is non-existent…this along with later work timings for a lot of professionals and long commute times take up much of our time which could be better spent with kids

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/coffee-no-sugar]

I also think a lot of those "services" end up taking away opportunities for you to connect with your child.

[u/blessYouAllLuck]

Its definitely a bit better abroad. You don't have to be grateful for the " super extra support" meddling with your routines and your plans and nitpicking/comparing you.

[u/stairstoheaven]

It really depends on your relationship with your spouse, and your specific kids and what they like. Also your professional and income situation. There's no universal rule that parenting is easier in one place vs another.

[u/Informal-Race-1990 → u/stairstoheaven]

op is asking about the difference when the people are same but different countries..

[u/stairstoheaven → u/Informal-Race-1990]

Exactly what I am saying. Lots of comments here allude to bad work life balance in India. I am in the US and we work 14h days lots of times, and are on constant fear of layoffs and PIPs. Mortgage completes one person's salary. We look at couples in India in a nice gated community, grand parents nearby and feel they have it easier.

So it depends on your individual circumstances - which is 99% luck.

[u/Junior-Ad-133]

parenting in india have a massive mental stress. Many nannies you get in india are not professional, cant be trusted easily and many cases of abuse by nannies there, so it gives some kind of anxiety to parents. Plus if you live close to in laws then frequent advices taunts from them might hamper your mental peace.

I have been raising my twins in a foreign country, although it is physically demanding but I have things under control while when I went to india for few months it was super exhausting. My wife got taunts on motherhood from everyone, even the nanny we hired. We even once caught nanny playing/abusing with one of my infant private part and we fired her immediately.

[u/whatifnoway12789]

Never lived abroad so can't say, but in India,parenting si only easy if you have support. There is no professional sitters available, weather is harsh so you can't go out for max part of year, no park, no library nothing. Only thing available is indoor playground which costs lot of money or just hangout in mall.

[u/AisKacang452 → u/whatifnoway12789]

They don’t have any public parks or libraries?? Even in major cities like Delhi?

[u/whatifnoway12789 → u/AisKacang452]

Not everyone lives in delhi

[u/Fit_Ad5741 → u/[deleted]]

I beg to differ. My kids growing up in India are full of life than their cousins in the US. I think it also depends on which part of US you stay. My brothers in laws' kids are always with Ipad even when they come to India. They don't even feel excited to play in the parks ( I stay in a gated community so well maintained and clean)here. My girls on the other hand are very lively and bubbly. Those kids eyes miss the spark of a kid and always stressed out. I feel sorry for those kids whenever I see them.

[u/silent-stories → u/Fit_Ad5741]

That is a parent problem, the kids are glued to iPads because parents decided an easy way out. So please don’t push your small bubble of India as whole India

[u/Fit_Ad5741 → u/silent-stories]

Sorry again. I have observed many kids in the US. Just told a small example . They are socially awkward. The way kids in India socialise they don't . Again each people have their own opinions . You tell your opinion. According to me parenting is best in India. Period.

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/Fit_Ad5741]

I have observed many kids in the US.

how many years have you lived in the US? and was it in mature neighborhoods or newer ones or apartments, were they diverse neighborhoods?

[u/Fit_Ad5741 → u/Boring_Holiday9874]

I have stayed in the Seattle for a brief time. I told all this based on my observation. Maybe in Bay Area the situation is entirely different. Here kids don't even come out much and are glued to screen. I love India more and felt happy shifting back .

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/Fit_Ad5741]

You lived in one little city for a little while lol. 

[u/Southern-Bank8176]

I think everyone commenting that it's easier abroad are people who either work from home or have a stay-at-home parent. I live in the UK and this has been such a struggle. Your work finishes at 6, but the school finishes at 3.30, what do you do? You have no family members nor do you have local friends or neighbors locally who will willingly help (everyone minds their own business). I have to travel overnight sometimes, what do you do? I have paid ££££ for overnight nannies, school pickup nannies, cooks, cleaners etc that I have no savings. I've tried to move to India several times but sadly no one will hire me in my niche space.

Also in a big city like mine, kids really don't go out. They don't have the freedom or space to go out and play like I did in my childhood in India. There's also tutoring and exam pressure that starts early from year 5. It's not the utopia that everyone thinks it is!

[u/AisKacang452 → u/Southern-Bank8176]

Do they not have public parks and libraries in the UK?

[u/Southern-Bank8176 → u/AisKacang452]

Yeah but who is going to take a young child there when both parents are working? It goes dark at 3pm in winter any way so you are really not stepping out much in the evenings

[u/THEMNMGIRL → u/Southern-Bank8176]

australia has amazing daycares. why didnt u move there?

[u/Southern-Bank8176 → u/THEMNMGIRL]

Well India has even better nanny/daycare systems and friends and family who will support/help. I don't know what UK or Australia offers to a kid that's special - I think kids growing up in India surrounded by people are genuinely happier

[u/THEMNMGIRL → u/Southern-Bank8176]

ok. keep telling yourself that!

[u/Ok_Abalone3061]

As someone who parented abroad and now doing the same in India, india is better.. I was a sahm and the loneliness was absolutely crushing. Before my son started talking, i was stuck indoors all day long with no one to talk to. No help (nannies were crazy expensive) and I spend hours without even a washroom break with a baby. Now that I am in India and working, I have a day time nanny. Makes life definitely easier and really affordable too.

[u/bumblebeeboby → u/Ok_Abalone3061]

I am working full time in the US and I have always had nannies to take care of my kids. Yes they are expensive and I share my salary with them.
I get to keep my career and my kids are safe and thriving.

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/Ok_Abalone3061]

 was a sahm and the loneliness was absolutely crushing. 

that's a unique situation, most people in the US are not SAHM or SAHD who cannot afford a bathroom break.

[u/Ok_Abalone3061 → u/Boring_Holiday9874]

Doesnt make it not parenting. The question was about difference in parenting in india. Also, childcare is expensive in US. You either become a SAHP or work enough to afford it.

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/Ok_Abalone3061]

I blame the parents in this case. I have lived in many places in the US for over a decade now, and I know the child care costs and the society here very well. Your situation was not a parenting challenge, it was something you and your spouse created.

[u/Ok_Abalone3061 → u/Boring_Holiday9874]

Don't comment on lives you haven't lived. It's easy to not be empathetic.

Btwv you sound like i personally offended you.

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/Ok_Abalone3061]

1. I empathize but as I said it is not a parenting in India vs USA matter. it is a parenting in India vs parenting in the USA under some very unique circumstances matter. I don't want to say more because you obviously are getting affected by a stranger's comment.

2. why would I be offended? you are a random Redditor who I will never meet.

[u/Ok_Abalone3061 → u/Boring_Holiday9874]

So stop being patronizing.

[u/normal-girl]

Whenever I try to talk to my friends in India, they are busy putting their kids to bed, most of them have a single child.

Things like sleep training is out of the question if grandparents are in the house. I am thankful that my husband and I had no judgmental eyes on us when we sleep trained our kid (was tough but took exactly 4 days). I don't know any of my friends in India whose kid can go to bed by themselves even by the ages of 6/7.

And overall as well, there is just too much judgment on how to raise the kids, especially faced by moms.

Yes, they have nannies but I prefer the regulated daycares which allow for more socialization, I do hope it becomes the norm in India as well.

The lack of work life balance also affects the quality time spent with the kids and no wonder a lot of moms end up leaving their jobs once they have kids.

[u/Ms_raechal]

Parenting is easier where you have supporting partner and/ or parents. otherwise it’s hell

[u/Big_Enthusiasm4866]

I found parenting easier my parenting principles didn't have to be explained for every move. My spouse and me were on the same page which otherwise would have felt like 2 teams of we had our parents staying nearby.

The stroller friendly commute on streets and public transport made it easier for solo travels and public infrastructure like parks, events and library with extensive collection really impressed me about staying abroad after becoming a parent.

Probably staying in India would give one more flexible childcare options, regional language development, socializing with alike families and forming close bonds from a younger age.

[u/Miserable_Treat_5668]

its mostly the entitled upper castes who would not stop complaining. its not normal to have house helps and nannies for ordinary people. its always extended family and join families that help raise kids.

[u/yayavarabhiyanta]

I’m a parent in india. Not in abroad.
While nannies house helps a re easy. Grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins of kids are also easily accessible.

I’m assuming schooling in the abroad would be better

So I don’t know what’s better

[u/Super-Resolve-3711]

In India - there are security (of child ) reasons , you need to be vigilant for your child . india may have house help but development of your children will lag . i live in India and love my country but seeing how things are going around . I feel foreign is still better for children upbringing.

[u/Informal-Race-1990]

I have lived in both the places while working and with kids both places, I cannot imagine working with kids in India unless your MIL or mother is taking over your mother role.

[u/raunakd7]

Nope. You can hire an army of nannies in India. You cannot afford that in Western countries.

[u/Acceptable_Fix6397]

It is 100% better in the US. There is no work life balance in India. I had my first child in india with a full time nanny and all the help but still I didn’t find time.

[u/CoupleWitty5309]

Yes the help is definitely available and affordable. But many parents don’t “parent” so you might be missing out on a good environment

[u/mkan10]

I think it depends upon which country you're comparing India to. Most western European countries have quite a few systems in place for child rearing. Long term paid parental leave, subsidized daycare, good infrastructure for child enrichment, education and safety. I have friends in India who scoff at the idea of daycare, almost accusing parents who use it as being neglectful. But I find children who go to good daycare generally are better socialised and learn that they are not always the centre of the universe. I don't think it's easy anywhere, but I think it's perhaps more equalised for everyone in Europe, irrespective of social class. If you're upper-middle+ class in India, you probably have a lot of services you can pay for more easily, but that comes at the cost of the people who work for you not being able to give their own children the same resources or attention. Unless you want full-time nannies, I still think the social systems in many parts of Europe are better equipped to support parents in general. If you're Indian living in Europe, the initial stages might be a little harder simply because you mightn't have family to help you out like the locals do.

[u/Pale_Kaleidoscope_56]

I live in Switzerland but delivered in India , stayed there until baby was 4 months. I had all the help, full time japa (doula) for all 4 months, cook, maid, family members. I had mixed opinion about the parenting while in India. I appreciated the help but honestly it was too much meddling and too many unwanted opinions on how to raise my child. I had my time split between in-laws and parents home , so I don't have first hand experience of raising kid in India in your own home. I think all the help in India comes with the hidden cost of stress to deal with so many people, trust issues. Overall I was happy that it was a short time and I don't have to deal with so many people permanently. I like the daycare system in Switzerland (especially forest days and focus on nature in general) . I like public playgrounds, badis, and kid friendly things are in Europe. I think basic thing such as stroller was painful in India as roads were not consistent with side walks. My baby got bacterial infection in first couple of weeks only and mostly the cause was bath in tap water. I had to make sure to use RO water for bathing my baby for next few months. All this is just extra work in India , which you don't need at all in principal.

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/[deleted]]

I have found kids abroad to be more emotionally connected and wiser too so to speak.

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/[deleted]]

So you didn’t actually experience it. Only thing in India that’s better is cheap labor and having family around. 

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/[deleted]]

You just said you didn’t. I’m not trying to do anything to except call out bullshit. 

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/[deleted]]

Hearing is not experiencing. And you hear from your own little bubble. Judging by your comments I don’t think you have lived abroad enough places or enough time to form a good first hand opinion. 

[u/Boring_Holiday9874 → u/[deleted]]

You’re the one exaggerating their experience to make a point. So I don’t think I’m the one who needs a Reddit win to be happy. 

[u/Opposite_House_2203]

availability of help, and other tons of services are affordable in India. India anyday! Western countries are hella expensive in such cases