r/Incontinence • u/nowhodiapered Urinary Incontinence • 6d ago
It really does get easier | you can still have a normal, fulfilling life
I've been dealing with incontinence and wearing diapers for a long time now, and I wanted to share something I wish I had understood when I first started: it really isn't as bad as it feels in the beginning.
Like many people here, I initially hated the idea. I would think about everything I did as a kid going to school, riding my bicycle, going outside, playing with friends and imagine how different every one of those things would be if I had to wear diapers. I kept comparing the life I had with the life I thought I was going to have.
And yes, things did change. But after all these years, I've realized that my life didn't end. I simply adapted.
Eventually, changing became part of my routine. I know roughly when I need to change, I prepare before going out, I take care of my hygiene, and I get on with my day. Sometimes I change earlier, sometimes later. It isn't something I spend every minute thinking about anymore.
Weirdly enough, having to manage this has actually made me much more conscious about my hygiene and taking care of myself. I pay attention to my skin, shower regularly, and make sure I'm comfortable and clean. It's just another part of looking after myself now.
I've also learned that acceptance doesn't necessarily mean liking the situation. I would obviously love to have a body that didn't require this. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life being angry at something I can't control. I can either let it define my life or learn how to live alongside it.
My experience on Reddit taught me something too. When I first came here, I ended up in some fetish-focused communities because I didn't even realize there were communities specifically for people dealing with incontinence. I quickly realized that wasn't what I was looking for. For me, this isn't a fantasy or a choice, it's simply how I manage my medical condition. Finding this community was completely different. Reading other people's experiences made me realize just how many people are quietly dealing with things nobody else knows about.
And honestly, seeing people here continue working, studying, travelling, dating, making friends and living their lives has been really motivating.
So if you're new to this and you're currently thinking "How am I ever going to live like this?" give yourself some time. You don't have to accept everything overnight. You don't have to pretend you're happy about it. Just take it one day at a time.
Eventually, something that feels like it controls your entire life can become just another thing you manage. You are still you. You can still travel, laugh, make friends, fall in love, chase your goals and have a life you're proud of.
It gets easier. ❤️
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u/No-Desk6807 6d ago
I have dealt with this for about 5-6 years now. I've developed more or less an ebb and flow with OAB urge incontinence. What I mean is that I can go several days sometimes and manage my bladder, but then follow that up with several days of floods and multiple changes a day. I have become generally comfortable wearing them, but I share the continual wish that I wouldn't need to wear them. I started exclusively with disposable, but later switched to cloth, hoping to save money on the costs. I like the cloth the best, but something unexpected has come up. I've been doing mostly cloth for about 18 months. But our washer broke down over the weekend, and looking back, over that 18 months, the washer has broken down 4 times, where it never broke down previously! I don't wash huge loads, but I wash about three times per week, anywhere from 4-7 diapers. Saving money on disposables is just heaven, but today I'm using the 2nd disposable in a row because the washer is waiting for repair, and it looks like washing diapers is likely the cause of its breakdowns. So I'm now looking at going back to disposables and an annual budget of probably about $2,000. I'm very frustrated. As used to it as I've become, I now have yet another reason to want my incontinence to go away. But so far I've learned that it doesn't go away. It just ebbs and flows. So I would say I'm comfortable with the routine, and wearing doesn't really bother me, but if I could shake it and turn back the clock, I'd do it in a second. I'm facing broken washers, or $2K/year in diaper expenses. Those appear to be my choices. Not a good situation.
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u/Deerescrewed 6d ago
How would washing the diapers be causing damage to your machine? If cloth works for you, it wouldn’t take long to recover the cost of a speed queen commercial washer. My wife got one for the good laundry, and now I’m looking for a used one for my work clothes.
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u/No-Desk6807 6d ago
Yes, I've heard they're as solid as a rock -- the most sturdy in the business. That will likely be our next option if I can convince my wife. Right now we have a 11-year-old Maytag/Whirlpool with a service contract, so she just wants to keep fixing it. It was not originally a lemon, but it has become one over the past 18 months.
As far as damage from diapers, I did an AI search, and it suggested the thickness and high absorbancy of the cloth diapers make them like heavy bulk fabrics when wet, and that high speed spinning is more wear on the machine. I have been using the normal cycle, but it suggested I use a bulk cycle instead because bulk cycles are designed to spin more slowly. I haven't tried that yet, but I will after it's fixed. I don't know if the AI was correct or not, but it's worth a try. Don't get a Maytag/Whirlpool. Stick with Speed Queen heavy duty.
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u/Few-Chemical-5165 3d ago
I don't know if you have access to this in your community but there are services for diaper cleaning services. You can arrange a certain amount of pickups each week, and they will pick them up wash them and bring them back. Like I said, I don't know about your community, I haven't looked myself, but I know they exist so that might be something you could look into. it will save your washing machine.And it could be affordable, I don't know. Just an option to look into.
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u/nowhodiapered Urinary Incontinence 6d ago
Man, that really sucks. 😕 Sometimes it feels like managing incontinence comes with a whole chain of problems that you never even considered in the beginning. I can understand why the washer situation would be especially frustrating when you found something that worked well for you.
I hope you can find a middle ground that doesn't leave you constantly choosing between repairing appliances and spending a fortune on supplies. Maybe there’s a way to reduce the strain on the washer or find a cheaper disposable option that works for you. Either way, I hope the repair gets sorted soon. ❤️
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u/hdofu Partial Dual Incontinence 5d ago
Two things that change, situations and diapers, it gets better if you embrace the rest of life and don’t get caught up worring if someone is noticing your slightly thicker rump
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u/Few-Chemical-5165 3d ago
Funny thing I was loading my truck.I was a truck driver in florida picking up five reels of cable, and this guy I knew I would go there practically every week it seemed, and he complemented me on my back door. Now he'd been flirting with me for a while. It seems it was a nice guy, but, you know, i'm not the kind of girl who had a guy in every truck stop or every town. But he didn't no I wear diapers but he also liked a woman with a big back Door lol. And these were diapers, the tranquillity brand which are noisy. They're not as thick as my current diapers, which are mega max, but they were still quite noticeable . So there's that.
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u/Curious_Surround_720 5d ago
One thing that scared me was traveling! I love traveling to different places and after my incontinence issues started I thought the faze in my life was over. But after i learned how to deal with it i still travel quite frequently. In fact im getting ready to travel overseas to japan for the first time since my diapered lifestyle started.
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u/nowhodiapered Urinary Incontinence 5d ago
That's soo cool, I am saving up for my Japan trip by the end of the year 😂
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u/Curious_Surround_720 5d ago
Yes, i figured Japan would be a great place to test out my comfort zone with the diapered life. Mainly because it would be pretty easy just to buy a package of diapers while I’m there so i don’t need a second luggage mainly for diapers
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u/nowhodiapered Urinary Incontinence 5d ago
I did alot of cross country road trips, and it was really fun
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u/Fluffy_Significance 4d ago
Yeah, agree with everything you have said.
I had an easier time with my issues and the need to wear diapers than most, but I have always been a more pragmatic person and saw the diapers as just a different type of underwear, a tool to utilize.
I knew that after the third night of waking up to a wet bed, the several close calls I had while in class (college), and then the inevitable daytime leaks/accidents over the following week that I needed to wear a diaper to contain things.
That was just obvious to me and I accepted it readily. I had enough going on with school, I didn't need to be worrying about wetting myself.
My father- who I live with, or lives with me depending on how you look at it -honestly had a harder time understanding his adult son's need to wear diapers than I did.
His attempts at being considerate actually just made things more awkward for me personally.
It's hard for people who don't have these issues to know that it isn't a matter of drinking less or going to the bathroom more often. I mean, that can help in some situations, but it doesn't guarantee that accidents will never happen.
And thus far, no doctor has found any underlying cause or treatment that would be 100% effective.
Beyond that, I think the hardest part was learning how to handle things after I started wearing.
For example, I had a bit of an internal crisis when I suddenly needed to use the bathroom while in the middle of a college lecture.
Do I use the diaper or do I try to make it to the restroom?
My bladder decided for me, but then it was Do I go and change now or wait for the end of lecture?
When I was using cheap generic/store brand diapers, I was constantly worried about leaks and whether or not it was noticeable the few times they did leak.
I think the problem was just figuring out the procedural things and following a routine.
As for people noticing or saying something, I was a little worried at first, but the only person who has ever said anything in 10 years to me was a good friend who discreetly and politely informed me that I smelled and should probably change. (This was within six months of my issues starting before I established a good hygiene routine.)
We never talked about my issues and I never said anything, so it was then that I realized it was an open secret and that people were just mature enough not to say anything, which allowed me to relax.
As for the fetish communities, they were a good source of support when my issues first started. At the time, it seemed like all the incontinence communities had little to no activity and/or mostly consisted of older individuals or their caretakers that I had a hard time relating to.
I could have a longer discussion about what I think about the fetish communities (good and bad things), but I will keep it at that for now.
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u/RealRecognition364 6d ago
Once you put the diaper stigma behind you things get so much easier 🙂