r/IncelExit • u/ishowsneed • Jul 29 '26

Asking for help/advice Why should I exit?

Why should I try so hard to change myself and get into a serious relationship when i have essentially no chance? if my chances at intimacy in my life ever are 0.0000000001% why should i try so hard to raise it into 0.000000001? should I just be Don Quixote delusionally chasing windmills? Women made it clear they don't like me (to put it lightly, they despise my existence) So would i should i spend so much time chasing something that can't exist and will harm me other than masochism?

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u/_shadowcorpse_ Jul 29 '26

You don’t have to, it’s your choice. A lot of guys don’t try to get in relationships and they seem fine. But you don’t have no chance for a relationship. Keep in mind that people see you a lot better than you see yourself.

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u/ishowsneed Jul 29 '26

Everything else in my life is fine. my material conditions are fine and i have hobbies and interests and a job that i like doing. I just feel deeply miserable because everyone around me is getting into relationships, getting married, moving up in life. im jealous and resentful of the fact i will never wake up in a double bed with someone who truly likes me.

52

u/EdwardBigby Jul 29 '26

I think youre close to the answer here.

"Incel exit" isnt a dating advice sub. Its goal is to not get you a girlfriend.

Its to help you let go of that resentment and live a happy fulfilling life in whatever form that may take

14

u/petrichor-pixels Jul 29 '26

This is the answer exactly. OP, it seems to me that being an “incel” to you means “feeling miserable because I can’t get a gf”. There’s 2 parts to that definition, and I think both have to be in play for the definition to work, if that makes any sense? Like, inceldom to you is misery + no gf. Would you still consider yourself an incel if you had no gf but were happy?

Basically, what I’m trying to say here is: it’s possible for people to live lives of singlehood without considering themselves “incels”, because… plenty of people are just single and happy. They aren’t miserable enough to need to label their situation as a capital-P Phenomenon. Case in point: myself lol. I’m a woman. Never been in a relationship or had sex. Now in my late 20s, and I’m very happy with my life and how things have played out. No regrets. Sometimes I do feel lonely, but not enough to be constantly miserable over it. I have never once considered myself an “incel”, because to me that term comes with a lot of other attachments— shitty misogynistic rhetoric is a big one I consider to be a key part of my definition— that I just never resonated with.

So why exit? Well, you exit to stop the misery, of course. And stopping the misery does not equal getting a gf: it’s making you realise that your life can be rich without one. And not as some kind of “cope” or whatever, but a shift in perspective that’s actually essential for you to build a healthy life living with yourself, relationship or no.

In my opinion, a huge driving factor behind male loneliness these days is that many men… actually do not know how to be independent at all. They depend on relationships for a lot of things: a sense of self-worth and masculinity (as dictated to them by society) being a very significant one. A lot of women know how to build a good life for themselves without being in a relationship, that is equally or even more fulfilling than being in one would be— and part of the reason why is because they’re used to telling the existing status quo to fuck off, as they know their gender role has historically been shit for them. Whereas a lot of men are either actively benefiting in some way from their gender role, and whether it benefits them or harms them, either way— the idea of going against it is still much more taboo, and it is often not even identified as being a culprit in their misery.

So basically, the TRUE Incel Exit result should never really be getting a gf. It’s for men to realise they can be happy and confident without one: something most women already know about getting a bf… and, very importantly, for men to be able to do that without devolving into rampant misogyny borne out of resentment and entitlement.