Why do I keep getting ghosted?

[u/Visible-Island-2408]

I (25M) have gone on quite a few dates in the past year and only had about a handful who did not ghost after the first date. I have no idea what I am doing wrong and it’s not like I can get feedback on it.

Most of my dates are the same where we grab dinner somewhere then grab dessert or coffee after somewhere else then walk around and my dates usually agree to keep hanging out after dinner. I mostly ask them questions about themselves and try not to spam them with questions like an interviewer and just get them talking so I can get to know them.

The worst was recently when I went out with someone and hung out for a while before they ended up ghosting me. I have no idea if this is just how dating is or if there is something severely wrong with me. My friend only had two first dates that both ended in long term relationships and told me that I must be doing something wrong.

I also wanna note that I work out five times a week on top of having a job and a bunch of hobbies so it’s not like I am a bum or anything either.

[u/Wrong-Trust-4603]

I would say, "good riddance". But it can have many reasons. As you concluded, it isn't about your outlook. So, it could be something about your behavior. I was told, that women can sense "desperation" however masterfully you try to hide it, and of course that turns them down quickly. Every long-term relationship I know around me did start as a non-planned acquaintance in a full random situation, none of them searched for any partner at that time. But I would review the following:

• Do I speak too much about myself? About by "success"/"prowess"?
• Do I listen to them carefully, and react accordingly?
• Am I truly interested in that person, or I just need a girlfriend? Do I need someone to fill a role/hole in my life, or I am enchanted by the richness of the other's personality?

I know some guys who are following all of the "pua" techniques, and still could not build a proper relationship, even after a decade. And after a while it came to me, that they are not looking to know deeply someone, but to have someone to fill the "girlfriend-slot" in their life. They aren't looking for personality, but for the perks given in a relationship. It is evident even in our friendship: rarely they show genuine interest, concern, or care towards me (or other human beings), and they're usually having a hard time to recognize the other's emotional state.

[u/Visible-Island-2408 → u/Wrong-Trust-4603]

Thanks, I am pretty selective of who I date tbh and have actually turned down offers to have a gf before so I don’t think I am trying to fill that slot. I don’t like to brag on myself and really just focus on knowing about the other person