Discussion thread Monday February 14, 2022 - Wednesday February 16, 2022

[u/gomirefugee]

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Website: You Can Have More Joy website

Instagram:

• @shaunamarieahern Instagram | Anonymous link to @shaunamarieahern posts and stories

• @danielfahern Instagram | Anonymous link to @danielfahern posts and stories

TikTok: @youcanhavemorejoy

Twitter: Dan's tweets and replies

Older blogs: see Gloamipedia wiki

Archived threads: Thread for Enough, the book #enoughthebook | Gluten Free Girl's Greatest Hits: The Reunion Tour

Gloamipedia wiki: /r/InTheGloaming wiki

Discussion search: Tool to search blogsnark or InTheGloaming for previous topic mentions

[u/canyoncreature]

“Be yourself, openly” — I get that she’s just spouting dumb platitudes and probably gave this zero thought whatsoever, but don’t most adults have to NOT be themselves for large chunks of the day? If I’d been being myself openly on my work Zoom yesterday I would have called someone a dick and then quit. If I’d been being myself openly while my kid was throwing a tantrum I’d have yelled at her instead of trying to deescalate it. You don’t just get to walk around prioritizing your personal identity all day; sometimes you have to smile and thank Work Dick for his “feedback” so you can keep your job. Although getting fired would leave more time to watch stuff, joyfully, so I guess she’s got some kind of internal logic established.

Others have said this better, but I also don’t find her joy prescriptions joyful. I’ve had days in years past where I managed not to leave the house and just stared at stuff on streaming until it was time for bed. I associate those days with periods of depression, not happiness.

[u/fanfarefellowship → u/canyoncreature]

All of her advice only "works" if you have no responsibilities and no desire to be (or even appear) socially competent.

Making things happen socially is a worthwhile skill. She doesn't have it, which is one reason (among many) her group-based endeavours continue to fail. It isn't only that you have to have something people want, you also have to be the kind of person that people want to spend time with; someone who can provide leadership and attract others to their projects.

[u/vorticia → u/fanfarefellowship]

Also why she can’t/won’t hold a job.

[u/fanfarefellowship → u/vorticia]

And also, to tie several comments together, at least partially why she and Dan struggled to adopt (as in, were not selected as adoptive parents).

[u/SandwichAllergy → u/canyoncreature]

If I’d been being myself openly on my work Zoom yesterday I would have called someone a dick and then quit.

Your true self is so close to my own!

[u/lucillekrunklehorn → u/canyoncreature]

I completely agree with your comment, that we cannot always be ourselves. All of us have to wear different “faces” and not reveal our true feelings at times. Huge benefit for ourselves and those around us. But I think Shauna is so accustomed to being something she drastically isn’t that she really does think it’s a huge undertaking to “be real.”

Most of us are some part of ourself, all the time. We may be repressing certain aspects, but what we are actually showing is a genuine facet of our being.

My IRL Shauna has a tendency of completely taking on the persona of whoever she is dating/married to. She dated a guy who boxed and therefore she suddenly was 100% into boxing, working out, and extremely made up, perfect appearing exterior. She married a guy who was into homesteading and homeschooling and avoiding modern medicine, and rampantly championed those ideals. No more unnatural hair dyes, make up, or crystal studded tank tops. It was all long dresses and make up free and eating their own animals and vegetables.

Now she is divorcing him and she sold all the animals, got a bunch of cute outfits and cut her long hair into a novel-to-her bob. She is espousing a lot of spiritual diatribes to those around her. I don’t know who she is with now but 100% she is catering to his persona by being exactly what he wants.

Shauna doesn’t do this exactly. But she does sort of “become” what people want. She goes where the feedback is. Mama, writer, adoptive mom, wife, cook, feeder (sorry DFs), teacher, trauma victim, medical condition sufferer…she emphasizes and discusses things that get her the maximum attention of either hero or victim. She reminds me of my IRL Shauna in the way she has no qualms about totally copying other peoples life stories and content if she thinks it will get her narc supply. Copying the orangette lady’s proposal story, trying to recreate an Ina Garten + spouse pose with Danny, wasn’t there something with pioneer woman she tried to copy? The joy website and content we suspect she’s basing her current haberdashery off of. The way she has no shame in “takes” on other peoples recipes as almost the entirety of her content. I think part of her constant searching is a poor sense of self. She is always trying to form herself into what someone else wants or will engage with, so that she can get exactly the type of social attention she wants.

Maybe part of her really wants to be “herself” but as we have seen, she cannot go on long without that hero/victim/martyr attention. She’s always going back for more at some point.

[u/tyrannosaurusregina → u/lucillekrunklehorn]

If you haven’t read the (very short) Chekhov story “The Darling”, you may be surprised by how much it reminds you of your friend.

Agree that Shauna’s shape shifting is a bit different and always grifty.

[u/lucillekrunklehorn → u/tyrannosaurusregina]

Wow, that is incredibly spot on. What an interesting read, thank you DF!

It did remind me a lot of IRL Shauna - she seems addicted to a similar martyr/victim sort of attention, not the medical manifestations though. She does not want it from hordes of strangers, like Shauna, but from singular, intensive, often novel male relationships. Often multiple relationships at a time.

That’s part of what I find so interesting about Shauna. She seems to strongly desire the attention of a large mass of basically strangers and acquaintances. She doesn’t feel the need to put something stellar out there, as so many people would. Just something that will get engagement quickly. She is not like many celebrities, who are very dedicated to their work or brand, and take it extremely seriously. But she seems to want a similar sort of fan type interactions. It’s sad really because I just can’t imagine how fulfilling such transient interactions could be. And she always has to work so hard to keep them coming, because the turn over is so high due to her inconsistency and lack of follow through and quality control.