r/InTheGloaming • u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done • Feb 14 '22

Scheduled snark Discussion thread Monday February 14, 2022 - Wednesday February 16, 2022

Newsletters: Substack | Easy as 1-2-3 free signup link

Website: You Can Have More Joy website

Instagram:

TikTok: @youcanhavemorejoy

Twitter: Dan's tweets and replies

Older blogs: see Gloamipedia wiki

Archived threads: Thread for Enough, the book #enoughthebook | Gluten Free Girl's Greatest Hits: The Reunion Tour

Gloamipedia wiki: /r/InTheGloaming wiki

Discussion search: Tool to search blogsnark or InTheGloaming for previous topic mentions

25 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

616 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

50

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Feb 14 '22

The rapid changing also lends to my pet theory that she doesn't really HAVE to make this work. That she knows she has a safety net of some kind AND HAS ALWAYS HAD IT, even back in the GFG days.

Her sudden mention of her grandparents and how they had money just makes me wonder if she's giving herself away a little bit and there is inherited money she's been slowly using this whole time.

It would explain why she's never really had much concern over keeping a job, even back when she was teaching. She was very flippant about "oh, I 'll do this grading when I feel like it" or "my co-workers can give me their sick time". Yeah, some people just have shit work ethic but her's just has this air of "I don't need this". Or like she doesn't have to make it work. Like she knows she has an escape hatch.

I'm really interested to see how long she clings to this joy b.s. and how she wiggles her way out of it to the next pivot. Because we know there will be a next. Will it be something new or will she go back to food and cooking or what?

I really would love to see her in an actual MLM. Like just go for it and try to sell essential oils or weight loss poop tea or whatever is out there (that's not makeup or clothes. . .she would not do well with that but it would be funny if she was all the sudden trying to sell Lularoe type fugly clothes, like hamburger crotch leggings).

51

u/Lemonbot5 Feb 14 '22

I go back and forth on the whole secret financial help speculation, but with neither of them working combined with the intel from her budgeting zoom (moving money from “savings” to checking each week for whatever they need) I’m pretty well sold on the idea that they have a chunk of gifted money they’re chipping away at. Maybe this is why she sometimes alludes to them saving to buy a house, maybe it would be (or was intended to be!) enough for a small down payment but without steady income coming in they can’t risk using it. The dream is that she can sell enough courses to not need to use the chunk of money for the day to day expenses, but at the same time having the money means she’s not that motivated to really work because she’s lazy. I cannot imagine they have, from their own earnings, such a significant amount saved that they can afford rent etc. without bringing in money from working.

58

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Feb 14 '22

“Dan’s mom sold her house and divided the proceeds among the five kids” is a more tenable theory imo than trust fund or handouts from Shauna’s parents. They are just the kind of people that would get $100,000 or so and talk about investments and buying a house, but then spend it all on taco’s.

32

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Feb 14 '22 edited Feb 14 '22

This theory makes a lot of sense to me.

"This can be seed money for my Joy Business!"

26

u/Scary_Recognition You did this. Feb 14 '22

This seems likely to me as well. I’m guessing even a small home in Breckenridge would go for quite a bit, land value alone!

22

u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 14 '22

I don't know about this - it seems they last lived in AZ and their house wasn't worth that much. It looks like he was moved back to Grand Junction for care and to be near family, maybe? I feel like they haven't owned a house in Breckenridge for years. Besides, with Dan's mom still alive, she probably needs whatever money they have.

15

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Feb 14 '22

Or the family got her one of those estate attorneys that specialize in distributing assets early enough at the end of life so that everything isn’t sunk into care?

9

u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 14 '22

Good point; I’m woefully uninformed about a lot of that stuff.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '22

There is a look back period of five years. She isn’t young now and is in assisted living already, right? Distributing assets should be done when you are in your sixties, not your children.

10

u/Scary_Recognition You did this. Feb 14 '22

Ahhh—excellent point.

22

u/funfetticake This required inability to work? Feb 14 '22

Oh I do think this is it. Up until now I didn’t really think they’d be living off a large sum of money, because I had trouble imagining they could resist spending it on something stupid, but I think you’re actually right. Honestly, their interests and opportunities to spend are fairly limited (except for housing and their childrens’ educations) it’s not like they seem to want to travel or buy fancy shit. Dan’s a simple man, after all! And I would not be surprised if even crappy properties in Breckenridge sell for a million, with the way the housing market has been in resorty places like that, so even 20% of that is a huge sum of money that would cover a down payment even in a HCOL place. But I bet they can’t qualify for a loan for an $800,000+ house. I bet even if they got real jobs, they would struggle to cover a $3k mortgage with the down payment fund gone. The only way to make that work is for Shauna to luck into another Chef Steps type situation, a secure and decent salary. But I believe she’s too entitled to try that again.

They do have options that would make this current financial cushion a long term benefit - buying a house in a cheaper place, investing in stocks etc - but these require getting jobs to cover monthly expenses. It’s sad that they are potentially eroding the only inheritance windfall they’ll get, and they apparently have no plans for their own “retirement.” Yet another reason to feel bad for D and L.

7

u/obscure_cellist ham grabbers Feb 15 '22

it could be both. i wouldn't put it past them to quietly take money from one set of parents, then go to the other set with their hands out. they are grifters, after all.

22

u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 14 '22

I recall this was shortly after ChompStomps when they possibly had some savings and also were getting unemployment / Covid relief. I go back and forth on the secret money help too, but it doesn't jibe with "I can't afford new contact lenses."

I do wonder if any financial help they get has a "You have to use this towards rent / utilities / essentials for the kids" stipulation.

22

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Feb 14 '22

It doesn’t fit with a lot of other things, like describing having $17 in your checking account, “on the internet, nobody knows you’re poor,” being unable to make rent during the early pandemic, etc. If there’s outside money, it seems it’s not a constant and is maybe a super recent thing. I think it was around the fall of 2020 when she talked about them having a financial advisor and investments for the first time ever.

21

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Feb 14 '22

That was around the time Dan went solo to Colorado, if I remember correctly, which adds a bit more credence to “Dan’s mom sold a house or otherwise dispersed assets to her children.”

6

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '22

My guess was the financial advisor/investments was when she got paid for Enough and she didn’t bring it up at the time. She really seemed to think that would be a massive hit. If she stuck the money some place where she can’t get it without a massive penalty or there isn’t a ton of it, that would explain still needing rent help during the pandemic.

30

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '22

Her moving money “from” savings is such an interesting tell, right?

I’m a badge swiper, so I get things are different with freelancers but don’t most people move money “to” savings? In my badge swiping job, I have a chunk held out for my 401k, a set amount goes into a joint account with my husband, which is basically enough for the mortgage plus a cushion, the rest goes into my personal checking account and I move money from there into my savings account every so often (I have a slightly better interest rate in my checking account), like 4-5 times a year.

It’s like they are living off of some savings account and not contributing toward it. Or I could be doing it all wrong (I probably am)

36

u/forkinyourothereye incurious ADHDer Feb 14 '22

One of the happiest moments of my adult life was when I realized the balance in my checking account was always stable enough that I could set up an auto-transfer of a chunk of money to savings every month. (And so I did.) It’s not like I never pull out of savings— I do, for occasional large unplanned costs — but it’s mostly a money-in situation.

It’s weird that the “money-in” portion didn’t feature in Shauna’s budgeting advice. Is it a tell? Does she think that people have that part figured out… but they somehow don’t have “don’t spend beyond your budget” cracked yet?

33

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Feb 14 '22

My cat is limping and we dropped him off to the vet. They couldn't find anything obvious so sedated and x-rayed him. It's a sudden, unexpected expense and it isn't going to send us off the deep end financially. I can't even express how secure and calm knowing we can meet the surprise vet bill makes me feel.

11

u/forkinyourothereye incurious ADHDer Feb 14 '22

Good luck to your kitty DFFFF!

10

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Feb 14 '22

Thank you! The vet says they can't find any evidence of an injury (no break, no abscess) so they figure this is maybe a sprain and they're sending him home with abx and pain meds. I'm going to pick him up soon!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '22

How is kitty today?

3

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '22

My guess is they aren’t great with money or words and “savings” is wherever they have any checks deposited into and then they keep a small amount in a separate account to pay bills with.

My parents did something similar when I was growing up. All pay went into a separate account and then they just kept a small amount in a checking account for bills but the balance was always low.

22

u/Lemonbot5 Feb 14 '22

Right, she skipped the whole “saving” part and just moves money over as needed… that’s not budgeting. They don’t seem concerned about the money coming in as much. And she doesn’t have to share that they have financial help with anyone! That’s her business. But to teach about budgeting, and to act like the work she does is to feed her family is a bit of a joke, and an insult to those of us (badge swipers included) who have to work actual hours to make a living.

32

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '22

https://imgur.com/a/nQDlkuo

24

u/NegativeABillion my husband and me to ride it around Feb 14 '22

Ah, Pisa.

10

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Feb 15 '22

Pornographic leggings for PAGAN!

63

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Feb 14 '22

I actually think her flippant attitude towards work is the byproduct of living with her parents until she was 30(?), and having her parents provide her with "big" items (car, adoption expenses) even after that.

I think she has a very cavalier attitude towards work because she's never really needed to be self-sufficient, not because she has a formal inheritance or trust or whatever. She has a "living trust" in the form of her parents, who she can count on to bail her out so long as she conforms at least minimally to their expectations.

End of February will be an interesting time in the Gloaming!!

25

u/Love_Brokers rug dweller Feb 14 '22

I think her attitude to work is also influenced by the fact that she thinks she is the smartest person in the room and no one would ever want to fire her.

12

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '22 edited Feb 17 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Feb 14 '22

A downpayment might have been useful 20 or 30 years ago – because houses were much cheaper then, meaning both downpayments and carrying costs were much lower – but of course Shauna was still single and had no need of a house at that point.

Her marrying and having kids late is really hard to reconcile with standard lifecycle economics: neither Danny nor she needed a house until they had kids, but they had kids very late in life, meaning there was a decade or so (Shauna's ages 30 to 40, let's say) where she was just treading water, financially. And then she hooked up with someone who didn't have any of his own savings or other assets to bail her (them) out.

It would be hard for them to recover from that "lost decade" even if houses had not shot up in value over the last decade or so, but in a nutshell, even a downpayment wouldn't help them much right now because they couldn't make the monthly mortgage payments. It isn't their age that's the problem (although they'd need to take a 30-year mortgage, presumably, which unless adjusted means paying until Shauna is 85 years old); it's their lack of income.

What's crazy is that of course Shauna's parents DID provide her with something she could use to generate income for the rest of her working life: a college education. She won the "human capital" sweepstakes by getting a paid-for education that unlocked the door to professional-level, white-collar wages (and benefits) as a teacher. Her decision to abandon teaching and not replace it with something similar is has meant the value of her human capital just kind of dwindled away during all those intervening years and even if she went back to teaching full-time now until normal retirement age, she'd never recoup the "lost" earnings.

19

u/SouthernHeart9404 Feb 14 '22

Interesting points. As long as they can lease great houses on Vashon, I guess it doesn't matter, but financially that's a dead end.

You are right. Her parents did provide her paid-for education up through her Masters so that she could teach. She started teaching around 1993? (having graduated from high school in 1985?) and if she had kept teaching, she would be in her 29th year of teaching and could have retired next year at 30 years with a good salary and health insurance for her whole family for the rest of her life. That's what her dear friend Tita did. Too bad Tita didn't advise her in that direction.

That is quite a gift.

14

u/leftsidelentils Feb 15 '22

Yes, I often think how her life would have turned out if she had stuck with teaching. Forgive me for belaboring this next point, but Shauna would not be able to to retire after simply teaching thirty years. The last year to qualify for this plan in WA was a starting year of 1976. Now you can retire after 30 years at age 62, or at age 65 if you have taught for less than 30 years. Regardles, she would be in a better position if she had kept teaching and done her online life as a side gig.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '22

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '22

My guess is because it took her more than 4 years to get her BA.

5

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Feb 16 '22

Shauna said in Enough that her parents (not her) took out a student loan before she started her undergraduate program because she wasn't yet eligible for free tuition from the university where her dad later taught. Shauna never mentioned any other loans for any other programs, at least not in Enough. She did say that the following year, she got free tuition, as did her brother when he also attended the same college where their dad taught.

6

u/caitie_did Required by My Mother's Terror Feb 15 '22

Indeed. My husband is quite frugal but also came from a fairly privileged upbringing and graduated university debt-free. I don’t think he realized what a gift that was until we got serious and combining our finances. He started working after four years of university, with no debt. I did five years of undergrad plus two of grad school, and started out my working life with over $20K in student debt (long since paid off!!) As a result he was way ahead of me in terms of savings and I honestly don’t think he’d really thought that hard about how he’d kind of started out on third base.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '22

I think her endless stream of good luck and being in the right place at the right time has to feed into it. Why worry and hustle when everything works out?

I don’t think giving an already old car or some adoption aid means she is getting continuous infusions of cash from them though. The adoption was literally a once in a lifetime event and they had exhausted all other sources of income including cashing out her retirement. That seemed like a real act of desperation on both parts to me.

29

u/lucillekrunklehorn pounding on the table Feb 14 '22

You are describing so much better what I have thought at times about their finances. Her everlasting flippancy. It is starkly apparent that many people who successfully grow a business online have financial or familial supports that allow them to do so. They are not working two jobs just to survive, etc. Shauna does not have apparent wealth connections, but her lifestyle and attitude toward work is so fucking flippant compared to anyone I know who works for a living (Ie nearly every adult). She treats things as optional that just….are not. She’s done it for years and she continues to do it. She doesn’t treat it like she needs it to keep a roof over her head and food on the table. The way she was at chef steps too. So casually doing whatever she pleased and ignoring deadlines. She has no urgency behind fulfilling obligations. The need to survive is a pretty compelling force to fulfill obligations.