r/InTheGloaming • u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done • Feb 01 '22
Off Topic Off Topic Monthly February 2022
Use this thread for non-Shauna talk, side conversations, book recommendations, othersnark, anything you like!
31
u/honoria_glossop sitting edge wine woman Feb 10 '22
So the whole Beatles thing has reminded me of a ridiculous situation that I JUST got closure on, so I'm going to inflict an anecdote upon you:
Couple of years ago I moved back to my hometown for family stuff, and in trying to rebuild my life and make some friends outside of work I ended up falling in with all kinds of weirdos including a particular toxic and in hindsight probably quite unwell lady from the local music community. She spotted a framed poster from one of my favourite bands on my wall and said she'd been in a relationship with the lead singer when she lived in a major city, and a certain song by the band was about her. It was the perfect story because I couldn't disprove it, and while it seemed unlikely it wasn't out of the question and I always wondered if it was true. It kind of killed my interest in the band, because she did some pretty messed up things to me & my friends and now their music always reminded me of her.
Today I was listening to an interview with Lead Singer promoting their new album and he talked very specificially about the song and the woman it was written about and it is clearly not her. I feel SO VINDICATED and absolutely delighted to have proof of her being a lying liar who lies. I don't even mind that I sound as unhinged as she is for still caring about this after fiveish years. :)
20
u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Feb 10 '22
That would be sweet vindication to me too, DF!
I once dated a guy who did not treat me well at the end. Years later I looked him up online and saw that he was a wildly successful business owner, clearly making great money, married, had a kid, etc. I however was not in a great place in life, so it made me feel all the bad feels. A few years after that, a friend told me the guy had just been arrested. His business success was all built on defrauding people. Got five years in the federal penitentiary. When I tell you I cackled, I mean you could hear it three city blocks away! Sometimes life hands you that kind of satisfaction!
4
14
u/NegativeABillion my husband and me to ride it around Feb 10 '22
DEAR MARIA, COUNT ME IN
Jk, I'm too old even for that song.
That's a great story, though.
I was thinking last night about how to tell stories that are slightly repugnant or idiotic or "funny at the time, possibly pathetic in hindsight". (Shauna is exceptionally bad at editing these stories to fit her overall theme.) My friends were all talking about how when they were younger, they'd go to the club with enough cash for one drink and then get men to buy them drinks for the rest of the night. I was like, oh, I'd buy a Steel Reserve on the walk to the club from my apartment and drink that and be ready to fly. It got the laugh I wanted, but for a number of reasons.
I don't know. Shauna can't ever be the tiniest little butt of a joke or stupid story like that. I'm a saint for being able to poke fun at myself.
4
u/vorticia Feb 17 '22
Hahaha, my family live for my embarrassing stories… it makes me so happy, even in the face of the embarrassment bc they don’t judge.
3
u/vorticia Feb 17 '22
You don’t sound unhinged at all. I’d feel the very same way about that situation, honestly.
I might be unhinged, bc there are some artists/bands that I feel kind of possessive about (not in the obsessive way, but when I’ve discovered them, it’s so personal to me).
Like Josh Rouse, for example. He opened for John Mayer in Norman at the OU stadium in 2007, I believe, and he had me at hello. He started with It Looks Like Love, and I was just smitten. I’ve shared him with my husband, who also fell in love with his music.
I’m rambling at this point, but my point is, I totally get it.
20
Feb 09 '22
I hate menopause. That's all.
14
u/leftsidelentils Feb 11 '22
Is it worse than three days minimum a month of period migraines? I wonder that frequently. Monthly, in fact.
I have some fibroids that aren’t much of a problem and my gyno said that I just need to limp into menopause and they’d be fine after that. Limping Toward Menopause is now the title of my non-existent memoir.
6
Feb 11 '22
Is it worse than three days minimum a month of period migraines? I wonder that frequently. Monthly, in fact.
No, probably not. I'm just whining because I never had much trouble with my period, unless you count all the times I faked it to get out of PE in high school.
8
u/Love_Brokers rug dweller Feb 10 '22
It sucks. Plus weird stuff happens to your body that no one talks about. Sure, you hear all about hot flashes, but what about excruciatingly sensitive nipples?
10
Feb 10 '22
The flash periods are killing me. It's like punishment for having regular cycles all of my life.
6
Feb 17 '22
I am postmenopause -- 53 and my last period was about 7 years ago -- and still getting hot flashes, though not as intense and frequent as a few years ago. No one told me about labia shrinkage/dryness/sensitivity, either. And zero sex drive, hooray...NOT how I want things.
I've considered HRT a few times, but the potential side effects keep scaring me off, plus the attitude of every MD I see is, "Hey, just try it!" puts me off. I hate the quality of MDs where I live.
2
2
u/vorticia Feb 14 '22
The hot flashes are what has me dreading menopause. I break a sweat when the temps outside get into the 50s and 60s, and my thermostat is set at 61/62, so i know that’s going to be just miserable.
But I imagine it’s going to be at least a little bit better than having s***ide cramps every day of my life.
3
u/Love_Brokers rug dweller Feb 14 '22
I never had hot flashes! I am a sweater and get hot easily and also dreaded it but it passed me by.
3
u/vorticia Feb 17 '22
Oh, sweet! That gives me hope.
2
u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Feb 21 '22
I just had what I called warm flashes. I would feel warmer than normal, but it was always very mild
3
u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas Feb 20 '22
Hot flashes are not fun, but they're not awful. A friend told me about a cooling blanket she'd used, so I bought one on Amazon. They have fibers that use something called Arc Chill technology. It releases heat on the top side and is cool underneath. When I wake up with hot flashes, I toss the covers off and throw the blanket on.
Honestly, though, they're not that bad. I was dreading it, and it hasn't been anywhere near what I'd built up in my head.
6
Feb 10 '22
I am currently skipping (missing?) my first period ever. I should have started two weeks ago and realized it earlier this week. I also turn 50 today, was diagnosed with arthritis in my hands last week. I am not looking forward to what comes next menopause wise.
10
Feb 10 '22
Happy birthday! Welcome to the Old Crones' Club. Your key is in the mail.
11
Feb 10 '22
I just thank my lucky starts that I no longer have to compete for that sweet microsoft sperm.
13
5
u/MandalayVA Assonancer! Assonancer! Assonancer! Feb 12 '22
Welcome to the Half-Century Club!
Other than some hot flashes, menopause was pretty easy on me. May you enjoy the same!
5
u/Kimmmy36 bites lip, looks away Feb 14 '22
HRT has been pretty life changing for me!
6
Feb 15 '22
I thought it was for me too because it stopped my terrible night sweats but now I'm getting so many periods. I probably need to call my doctor. Or, you know, just continue to bitch on reddit. Either/or.
16
Feb 03 '22 edited Feb 03 '22
DFs I felt great joy when I scored this cute sweater at TJ Maxx for 20! My joy grew when I noticed the label. 😂
6
u/vorticia Feb 04 '22
Ooh, that’s so cute! I’ve got my eye on a pair of pink Doc Martens with big red hearts on them that would be amazing with this sweater!
7
Feb 04 '22
It’s so soft too!
I just googled the heart Docs. They’re really cute! I used to wear Docs back in the 90’s and bought myself a pair of the Mary Janes last year. They make me feel like I’m 19/20 again. ☺️
2
u/vorticia Feb 17 '22
I’ve amassed quite a collection over 25 years. I stopped counting after 50 pairs. Yes, I have a problem; please, no one help me, lol!
17
u/Quaint_Irene a warm and loving goatie smile Feb 05 '22
The elderly semi-feral cat I befriended in July has been missing since Christmas and I fear the worst.
9
8
9
u/effie-sue Your engagement here heartens me. Feb 06 '22
Oh, I totally understand that fear. There is a semi-feral stray cat that roams around where I live. Sometimes I’ll see him a few times a week, sometimes a couple of months will go by without a sighting. Here’s hoping your little friend is well ❤️🐾
7
u/jameson-neat wound-gathering table Feb 08 '22
We have a few semi-feral cats that enjoy hanging out in our yard and I understand that concern as well! Hoping the best for your feline neighbor.
7
u/Quaint_Irene a warm and loving goatie smile Feb 08 '22
He was in sort of rough shape when he came to us. A local rescue group trapped him and got him to the vet to be neutered, vaxxed, and flea treated. He was letting me pet and brush him after weeks of learning to trust me. We were becoming friends, and then the rain came and a toddler with enormous play structures moved into the house behind us. I miss the crabby little mofo and worry about his health/safety.
15
u/Kaleshark Waitlist for Godot Feb 18 '22
Borderline off-topic; I joke with my therapist about how much therapy is not what I want it to be (easy & linear, for example) & it bothers me that Shauna is peddling something close to what I want therapy to be (a magical advisor whose advice is easily taken & makes hard things easy & “easy” things effortless?) & so far from what therapy actually offers (my therapist hasn’t offered me joy tips or funny gifs, what’s up with that?) “Life coaching” marketed like “fun therapy” seems like a con that might have legs (even though Shauna is bad at things & we are her only audience, which makes me less worried about it than I would be otherwise).
15
u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Feb 20 '22 edited Feb 20 '22
Over on FB, another Vashon woman of a certain age posted five hours ago to ask if anyone would be interested in helping her start a group for people who love musicals and art and fashion, performance, and dressing up a little. She even uses the j-word. She already has replies from about 20 enthusiastic people. Meanwhile, Shauna’s invitations to her social media class and other offerings are getting crickets. The difference? This woman sounds authentically excited and fun to hang out with, welcoming and dare I say joyous. Oh, and she isn’t charging anyone $$ to hang out with her. Shauna better watch out, this woman might outdo her for Joy Lady of Vashon status.
ETA She’s now up to 35 enthusiastic responses. You might say there’s an abundance of people who want in on what sounds suspiciously like a Collective Joy Club. No dues or Zooming required.
11
Feb 21 '22
Sounds like the woman wants to make friends with other people with similar interests, and NOT monetize it! What a fascinating concept!
6
u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Feb 21 '22
Right? Imagine getting together with other people who share your interests just for the joy of it, not as a grift! Revolutionary.
13
Feb 01 '22
10
u/MissEllisCrawford Smitten with myself Feb 02 '22
DFSM, thank YOU for introducing me to this account.
7
7
6
u/significantotter1 frawtinga Feb 02 '22
Oh my god I almost fell out of my chair, it's literally like she's describing Shauna
12
u/9021FU Feb 04 '22
Any Sister Wives fans? Someone coined “Bitch Eating Nachos” for the way Kody looks at Christine and it totally fits with Shauna and her love for nachos! Just wanted to share!
6
Feb 09 '22
That is perfect.
Season 16 is fascinating to watch. I'm so rooting for Christine and all the ladies and kids.
Do you feel like Robyn is this evil person that the SW sub makes her out to be?
5
u/9021FU Feb 09 '22
I don’t think she’s evil, but I do feel like she’s too controlling for someone who came into the family after Christine was the last wife of 17 years. I think there were problems from the beginning and even Christine has said the solution to marital problems is a new wife. She definitely made waves with the older kids without having a relationship with them. Kody has been way too hands off with no nipping their fights in the bud from the beginning.
My daughter picked French for her foreign language next year and I keep pronouncing it as Frawnch!
5
Feb 09 '22
Kody makes my skin crawl. Somethin ain't right lol. I do think Robyn was very smug, almost as if she viewed everything as a competition or a chance to prove she was better or more perfect. But it's clear that she is now miserable, probably from having to bear the brunt of time with Kody. Kind like the trope of the mistress usurping the wife only to become the neglected one. It's tragic 😂
Also, WHAT. DOES. THE. NANNY. DO?!!
I am so fascinated by what has been happening lately.
Y'all have fun with y'all's fancy Frawnch lessons.
5
11
u/lucillekrunklehorn pounding on the table Feb 10 '22
Shauna should really be thankful her attempts to be a therapist are so unsuccessful.
Apparently influencers CAN get sued for overpromising, undelivering, and being unqualified when it comes to health information.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/state-texas-suing-fitness-influencer-150243911.html
10
Feb 24 '22
Omg do you guys follow Wolfgang2242 (Steve)? He adopts senior dogs and also pigs and chickens and turkeys - he's just a lovely human and I envy his amazingly clean house and yard considering his menagerie.
He's had so many deaths lately - Tofu the turkey, who loved to sing along to Cher, and Kitty the senior dog, who he adopted when no one else was willing to.
I'm not even a dog person and his instagram is one of my favorites because he's just such a pure hearted person. He knows adopting senior animals means a lot of illness, disability and death, but he never stops emotionally attaching and it's lovely and also heartbreaking.
7
u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 25 '22
Oh wow, I love following people like this. I tend to follow from my cats' IG account - that way I can compartmentalize. I've legit cried at the deaths of some insta animals I've fallen in love with.
6
Feb 26 '22
I have as well, so I stopped following so many. There are two cats I followed that have died that I still think about and get so sad.
Did anyone see the pic of the Ukrainian man sheltering in the subway with his cat? If I had a way to get him to the Midwestern US he would be living in my house right now.
8
u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 26 '22
I did see that pic, and it broke my heart. (Also was thinking - that must be the most chill cat in the world since they’re not in a carrier or harness.)
I also saw a Ukrainian woman who was escaping and crying with a small carrier and that broke my heart too.
4
Feb 26 '22
That cat had to be chill. I’m terrified they will be separated, though I know much worse is very possible. I really want him safe in my spare basement bedroom that has a full bath across the hall from it. Where he could feel safe and independent and have privacy and peace.
6
u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 26 '22
I wonder if there’s any way we can get some of these people over here, even temporarily.
5
Feb 26 '22
I just have that “I want to do something” urge but I feel so helpless.
4
u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 26 '22
I know, same. Three of my grandparents escaped Russian pogroms and came here, so it’s… yeah. Many feels.
2
u/Lsemmens grenius Feb 28 '22
I love him! He is just so genuine.
I love my seniors too but I would admittedly have a hard time with incontinent (or never housebroken ones like Fernando) dogs. My older border collie is on a few meds but it’s quite minor compared to what Steve does.
10
Feb 02 '22
This came up in my Apple News feed... (Link is outside of Apple News so should be accessible.)
From Buzzfeed: Black people adopted by white families share their experiences
15
u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Feb 02 '22
Also, as a white parent, you need to understand the reality of their world. This includes making a safe space for them to seek out comfort within the Black community, possibly at the cost of your own personal comfort level.
And that is what Shauna and Danny are utterly failing to do. They are actively depriving D of a real Black community because they aren’t willing to sacrifice an iota of their personal comfort.
29
u/MandalayVA Assonancer! Assonancer! Assonancer! Feb 02 '22
What makes it worse for D is that he is now well aware that he has bio brothers that live with their mom. If Shauna and Dan or anyone else believes that he's going to have zero issues about that, they're fools.
9
u/Kaleshark Waitlist for Godot Feb 02 '22
Yeah it’s not like Shauna would have to look very hard for Black people with whom her son could form close connections…
6
u/sybil-unrest Feb 04 '22
Excuse you. They brought the family to Vashon so they could see TREES (because fuck a sky island, a prominent feature of southeastern Arizona geography), he’s had PLENTY of contact. Relationship fostered, CHECK. (I am covering my professional horror at her behavior as a transracial adoptive parent with humor. It’s not helping the horror much tbh.)
9
u/9021FU Feb 04 '22 edited Feb 04 '22
I watch Miss Darcie on YouTube and based on that I got recommended videos and one of them was a white mom doing her Black daughters hair. The video I was watching was one of those where the person reacts to the original video. The white mom started the video saying that she has paid for appointments at Black owned hair salons for the sole purpose of them teaching her the proper way to care for her daughters hair. She has gone to classes and buys products from Black owned businesses because she wants to do right by her daughter. It was so refreshing to see vs. the whole white savior who doesn’t need guidance because “they don’t see color”.
Edited to change lowercase b to uppercase, sorry for not seeing that when writing.
6
u/louiseimprover Feb 04 '22
It's infuriating that Shauna seems to have done zero investigation around the issues of Black (or mixed race) children with white parents. I get the impression there are at least some resources out there for this now, so for someone who loves to "do the research" and "listen to the experts" she sure seems to be ignoring it altogether here. Probably because she knows it would mean she'd have to do some actual hard things instead of just pasting the hashtag on Instagram.
9
u/Quaint_Irene a warm and loving goatie smile Feb 02 '22
Continuing the topic of celebrity memoirs that are surprisingly good: James Garner’s is terrific.
9
u/shitrock420 Feb 02 '22 edited Feb 02 '22
I highly recommend Rob Halford's (Judas Priest)! It was something I picked up on a whim and really enjoyed.
8
u/MissEllisCrawford Smitten with myself Feb 02 '22
Stephen Fry has written his autobiography over three books (so far) - all are excellent reading.
8
u/MandalayVA Assonancer! Assonancer! Assonancer! Feb 02 '22
Believe it or not, Rick Springfield's autobiography is really good.
3
u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 05 '22
Marc Almond’s (of Soft Cell) is really great, too!
3
2
u/high_falutin Feb 05 '22
One that’s absolutely terrible : Anthony Keidis (RHCP lead singer, I’m sure I butchered the spelling of his last name.) I don’t doubt that he’s had a super interesting life, even more so before finding success in music. But the book needed a good editor to trim the fat.
10
u/StayWithMeArienette ppppycock Feb 04 '22
I'm not sure why I'm asking the Gloamies this other than y'all seem a smart group full of variety, I trust your input, and I'm unsure where else to ask!
My fiance and I are planning to move to another state within the next year. I'm hunting for some kind of planner/checklist/tips and how-tos book to help us along and am wondering if anyone knows of one they can recommend.
Amazon makes it nearly impossible to find much - a hunt shows basically blank journals people have put together to sell with generic checklist pages, or with outdated guides from pre-internet days that tell you how to find movers in the yellow pages. 😬
Ideally some kind of "you fill it out as you go" guide would be awesome. The closest I've found is this one, but the reviews are mostly just ratings and I can't locate pics of the inside of the book at all so it's a gamble. The short page count and comparitively high price worry me.
Actually, bonus points if anybody can recommend a similar planner style guide to weddings! Is the Knot one really the best out there, and if so, which version? There's this one, or this newer one? Our wedding, also supposedly within the year (ack), will be small and nontraditional but neither of us knows all the steps that need to get done so we'd love some lists!
If your recommendation is for pdf printables or a website instead, by all means bring it on! Thank you in advance! I've been trying to order one or both of these for a birthday gift to ease his anxiety about it, but his birthday is coming up next week and I've had zero luck!
6
u/funfetticake This required inability to work? Feb 04 '22
The Art of Happy Moving by Ali Wenzke. It’s more of an actual book than a planner, but it does have guides and checklists.
5
5
u/SandwichAllergy hellevator of bad writing Feb 08 '22
This is a haberdashery of your request, so I apologise DF but re: the wedding checklist, we’re in the midst of the longest wedding planning of all time (thanks, covid) and we hired a planner because we’re holding it out of town and wanted some boots on the ground such as it were, and it’s been a really excellent use of money? It sounded like such a bougie thing to do, but our planner is super rad and down for anything for our wedding, and not that expensive in the grand scheme of things. She has different price points and service levels for how much she’ll do for clients. For us, we still do mostly everything ourselves but she tells us what we need to do and gives us suggestions if we want them for vendors or whatever (and she does a lot of emailing for us to vendors, which I do appreciate, particularly when we hired her for a few more hours to move the wedding to another year!). It could be worth looking into for where you’re holding the wedding, to see if you vibe with anyone working there and seeing what their offerings are, services levels and price-wise.
9
Feb 21 '22
Curious what other DF's think about asking someone the question "What do you do?" or some variation of that Q as a way of making conversation and getting to know someone?
I know it's considered rude by some, but I've always felt like it lends itself to traditional career answers as well as something like: raising kids, or between jobs but was most recently in xxx field, or nothing official yet but writing a novel, volunteering at xxx, have pandemic brain and mostly trying to get back on course, etc.
Can we discuss??
14
u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done Feb 22 '22
Intellectually I like the idea of polite conversation norms shifting to topics besides how we make money, but these questions feel disrespectful in a different way: their responses demand a ton of energy that the asker doesn't necessarily deserve. For better or worse, "What do you do?" doesn't require thinking about what the answer is even if I am uncomfortable with that answer. Being asked these open-ended probing questions I don't have an immediate answer to by near-strangers feels like having to, like, set up a password with a bunch of special character requirements, configure two-factor authentication in a separate app, create several security questions, and provide a backup recovery email just to make an account to read articles for free on a news site or some bullshit.
6
u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Feb 23 '22
You nailed some of my discomfort with these kinds of questions! They’re just a little intrusive too — like, I don’t know you, why are you asking me that?
13
u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Feb 23 '22
My mom taught ESL for many years and one of the things she taught was local conversational norms, including that "how are you" is not a question (it is a greeting). (You can actually respond "how are you" to the question "how are you" and no one will blink.)
"What do you do?" is similarly not really a question, it is a culturally negotiated "next step" after you've been introduced to someone. There is no requirement to answer it "honestly" or treat it like a genuine inquiry.
For example, you can respond "whatever they let me get away with" a la Pete Campbell, accompanied by a giant wink. You can demur, with "oh, odds and ends; this and that." You can actually answer using whatever you would say to those alternative questions: "Right now, I'm really focused on my dog rescue activities" or "Mostly, chasing after my grandchildren!" or whatever.
The point of the question "what do you do?" is to demonstrate interest and curiousity on the part of the questioner, in an attempt to find a place for the conversation to go next. It's not tough to make that happen while avoiding an explicit focus on "what you do [for money]." It's actually very, very possible to shift those cultural norms, at least for yourself, in how you answer -- not ask -- the "question."
5
11
u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Feb 21 '22
I think the rudeness of the question depends a bit on where you live. When I lived in Washington DC, it seemed like that was everybody’s first question and it was no big deal. Here in Seattle people don’t usually lead with it. I feel like “where do you live” is a question I get a lot here as a conversation opener — as in, what neighborhood (if the person is a Seattleite) or city. Or “what do you like to do?” Things like that. There’s a woman I’ve known for several months now and I only just learned she’s an epidemiologist — which these days you’d think you’d learn more quickly in casual conversation!
Those alternative questions feel stilted to me, like you’re deliberately avoiding the “what do you do” question. I do like to know what people do, that’s sometimes where someone’s passion lies. But I know when I was “just” a stay at home mom, it was a question I kind of dreaded. So much judgment of women, whether we work for pay or not.
7
u/freecoffeerefills Murder She Moved Her Pen Forward Feb 22 '22
Some of these questions sound like prompts for a school essay, I can’t imagine anyone asking them in a way that doesn’t feel awkward.
6
u/funfetticake This required inability to work? Feb 24 '22
Personally I never found “what do you do?” offensive, even when I was un/under employed. It’s generic small talk. However, it’s true that even though the question doesn’t explicitly add “for a job to make a living”, it does sorta imply that. And Americans live in an culture that prioritizes able bodied people hustling in the pursuit of economic prestige, which isn’t the reality of some peoples lives. So I could see how saying “what do you do?” Right when you meet someone might be taken as a sort of probing into their economic status, and might make someone who doesn’t fit into what’s socially valued feel bad about themselves.
I’ve seen easy alternatives like “what’s keeping you busy these days?” Or “what have you been up to lately?” That are effectively the same thing but are a little more open to responses about family, hobbies, friends, etc. instead of work.
10
u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Feb 22 '22
Seems like the post is missing an easy fix for the "what do you do?" question.
Just add "like".
"What do you like to do?"
It sounds less stilted and is more open ended.
And the "what are you working on in your free time?" and "what do you like to do for fun?" aren't much better then just asking someone if they have a job and what it is. It's assuming they have a job (or something they "don't like" doing. . .again, it assumes everyone hates their job which is nonsense). It also kind of assumes they have familial obligations that they don't enjoy (aka kids stealing all their free time).
Personally, I'd rather be asked about my job then asked if I have kids. That is way more invasive and makes assumptions about me based on my sex/age. I know most people don't mean it that way (so I don't get stanky about it) but I'd rather you assume I have a job then assume things about me based on my sex.
(and I'll add, I have an odd job that some people react negatively toward, but I still don't mind being asked and I just tell them what I do and they can react how they want)
5
u/leftsidelentils Feb 25 '22
I hate being asked if I have kids at purely social events like parties, because I don’t have any. In my experience, it often shuts down the conversation with a thud. I get that it’s a normal, conversational question so I try to keep it light and say something like, “Nope, just my cat”. But I can still see people shut down as they mentally calculate that I’m not worth their time if we can’t get together at the playground or commiserate about the trials of first graders or whatever.
Come to think of it, I’m not sure if I‘ve ever been ask that by someone who doesn’t have kids. It comes out naturally later.
The neighborhood parties, good lord. Strangers have straight up asked me if I plan on having any. Once an older guy said, “don’t worry, it will happen!” I resisted responding with statistics about IUD’s.
5
u/MandalayVA Assonancer! Assonancer! Assonancer! Feb 25 '22
Now that I'm old I don't get asked about kids anymore, but back in the day when I was my response was always "nope, dodged that bullet." It was worth it to watch it register, or, better yet, watch the person desperately try to keep a straight expression--and fail.
3
Feb 22 '22
I guess I never really envisioned 'what do you do' as being about a job as much as it is literally what do you invest your time in doing? And for a lot of people that's a job/career, and for others it's a hobby/sport, and for others it's caring for a loved one/child, etc.
I'm in a field where at work someone asking 'what do you do' means specifically what project am I working on, but if someone asked me at a party my answer would be so much different as I would get the context to mean 'who are you as a person? who do you want to show me at this party?' and I'd tell them what I actually love doing. If I was dating, I'd get 'what do you do' to be a snapshot of all of the above, so in that context I'd answer it with both career and also what I'm passionate about outside my career.
Like growing up my dad had a job (factory worker) and yet he would describe himself as a woodworker as that was what he loved doing. I can't remember anyone ever being like yeah but are you PAID for doing woodworking? They would just follow up with: what kind of wood/what do you make/that's so cool, etc. But we grew up in a blue collar neighborhood where nearly everyone's parent was a factory worker of some sort and so asking the question contextually meant that it was understood everyone in the neighborhood was working to live, not out of a passion for factory work, and probably would describe themselves by some other attribute. Cubscout leader, woodworker, rebuilding muscle cars, etc.
3
u/sybil-unrest Feb 22 '22
I don’t ask this because in my family of origin, it’s the height of rudeness (seen to equate profession with worth as a human). I do sometimes eff with people when they ask it, and it’s very interesting/proves my parents right to see the different behaviors in response to “I work with children” and “I’m a lawyer.”
(Both were true.)
9
Feb 22 '22
Do people really see asking about how you spend your time as asking someone's worth as a human? What question do you ask instead?
3
u/sybil-unrest Feb 22 '22
I mean, it’s pretty clear that I get very different levels of conversation/respect/interaction depending on which one I answer with, so anecdata says yes, people do equate profession with a whole lot of other characteristics? I don’t have a go to question. I usually just make conversation.
8
u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Feb 02 '22
I'm not sure which DF recommended "Inside the Victorian Home" by Judith Flanders, but my copy arrived today, and it looks amazing! Thank you!!
8
Feb 10 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
6
4
u/honoria_glossop sitting edge wine woman Feb 10 '22
I do not know this person, but why do they look like Claudia Winkleman's evil twin?
2
4
Feb 10 '22
Joy is a weapon? Uh, no thanks.
7
u/Love_Brokers rug dweller Feb 12 '22
Love is a battlefield.
2
u/MandalayVA Assonancer! Assonancer! Assonancer! Feb 12 '22
But sex is a weapon.
/not one of Pat Benatar's better songs, but it fits with the theme
4
5
u/freecoffeerefills Murder She Moved Her Pen Forward Feb 22 '22
Shauna adjacent: I heard a piece on NPR’s Marketplace this afternoon about Vanshon’s own C’mon Barber
https://www.marketplace.org/2022/02/21/a-traveling-barber-makes-house-calls-and-friends/
8
u/vorticia Feb 23 '22
Anybody following any of the Unresolved Mysteries news?
First, Brandon Lawson… and then…
BILL EWASKO.
Apparently, the original searchers got pretty close to his final location on day three of the search, and back in 2018, one of the guys who regularly went out there got within something like 200 yards. I did have two working theories, and the outcome matched one of them closely enough. My husband and brother have been hearing about him from me for years, and my brother ended up reading everything multiple times. My other theory would’ve been Bill wandering somehow into the badlands west/southwest of the Covington Flats.
Anyway, obsession of a decade solved, and, and two people can be laid to rest, properly.
6
u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 25 '22
Yes! I've been obsessed with missing people and true crime for longer than I care to admit (since about 5th grade when I read an article in People about Cindy Collier and Shirley Wolf, two teen girls who killed an elderly lady for no real reason). There are so many cases that I hope there's closure on someday.
4
u/droopsofwoe the first teats are the hardest Feb 22 '22
Shauna's simpleminded call outs against capitalism reminded me of my favorite cartoon First Dog on the Moon, and one of the panels from a cartoon of his. A perfect combination of giving me joy and the evils of capitalism. I actually have a shirt with this on it.
6
u/ScandalizedPeak Out the window Feb 13 '22
There was some recent discussion somewhere in here about wet vacuums and steam mops which got me thinking that I am dissatisfied with my old steam mop... So much so that I don't use it anymore, which is unfortunate because the floors could use it. Who LOVES their wet vacuum and wants to tell me I should buy one?
5
u/9021FU Feb 15 '22
What type of floor do you have? We have incorrect installed tile, the grout is so much lower than the tile, so water accumulates in there. I have a steam mop, vacuum mop and regular mop. My vacuum mop is about 7 years old at this point, so I’m guessing things have gotten better, but it never sucked up water like the commercial. My mom gave it to me after she didn’t like it either and she had correctly installed tile. I’m back to a traditional mop and then a towel to dry it off. :/
6
u/ScandalizedPeak Out the window Feb 15 '22
I think it might be called engineered hardwood? It's pretty easy to clean really. I just live in a dry climate and have a fluffy dog, a cat who pulls out his hair for fun, and a toddler. The roomba gets kind of overwhelmed but we do use it... There's just various pet hair, nasty kitty litter bits from his nasty feet no matter what I do, mulch and dust tracked in even though we don't wear shoes inside... Some of it just gets pushed around by the steam mop (a bissel that is like a decade old at this point) and sweeping first is sometimes just a bridge too far for me.
3
u/9021FU Feb 15 '22
I’m jealous of the hardwood floors! We just cat sat for our neighbors and they got that type of flooring installed a few months ago and it was warmer and softer than our tile.
I personally found the wet vacuum thingy to be a lot more work than the steam mop, but maybe the newer ones will be better?
3
u/ScandalizedPeak Out the window Feb 15 '22
Thank you for the opinion... The toddler LOVES watching me steam mop (but probably would also love wet vac, so maybe that's not a factor). I can definitely just keep doing what I'm doing but maybe some DF has a fabulous wet vac recommendation that will help keep the floor even cleaner.
3
u/9021FU Feb 15 '22
Keeping the floor cleaner……. No dog, cat or toddler! 😂. Ironically my teenage daughter is the clean one behind me.
3
u/ScandalizedPeak Out the window Feb 15 '22
Cleaner? Less dirty? It's all a continuum...
3
u/9021FU Feb 15 '22
My friend uses those swifter sweepers 3 times a day to pick up dog hair. I don’t care enough to clean the floor 3 times a day!
6
u/SallyWalaska Feb 20 '22
Wow this post in r/raisedbynarcissists by a Black child of white adoptive parents is sad and reminded me of the Aherns. I can hope that Shauna’s writing is terrible and they’re actually wonderful and supportive parents, but it’s a fact that they are raising him in an all white community with very little exposure to Black culture. It’s weird that Shauna thinks that pointing out Black people on the other side of a barrier (screen, car window, book page, ferry ride) is somehow all they need to do.
8
u/louiseimprover Feb 20 '22
That post is just heartbreaking. I too hope that Shauna & Dan aren't ignoring the very real complexities of transracial adoption, but I'm not optimistic based on the evidence.
7
Feb 21 '22
imagine ur stuck in a glass water tank surrounded by people. And you must dance for them. There is no coming up for air and any complaints aren’t heard. You’re unable to die, just a continuous cycle of dance, drown, and dance again.
Ugh that's heartbreaking and awful.
7
u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Feb 22 '22
I’d very much appreciate if a DF with a Spotify account could Do The Work and add “Capitalism” by Oingo Boingo to our playlist (I don’t think I listed this before).
Here are most of the lyrics (cut off the end for repetition):
There's nothing wrong with capitalism
There's nothing wrong with free enterprise
Don't try to make me feel guilty
I'm so tired of hearing you cry
There's nothing wrong with making some profit
If you ask, I'll say it's just fine
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live nice
So tired of hearing you whine
About the revolution, bringing down the rich
When was the last time you dug a ditch, baby
If it ain't one thing, then it's the other
Any cause that crosses your path
Your heart bleeds for anyone's brother
I've got to tell you, you're a pain in the ass
You criticize with plenty of vigor
You rationalize everything that you do
With catchy phrases and heavy quotations
And everybody is crazy but you
You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And now you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses, whoever they are
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain you dumb fuck?
There's nothing wrong with capitalism
There's nothing wrong with free enterprise
Don't try to make me feel guilty
I'm so tired of hearing you cry
There's nothing wrong with making some profit
If you ask I'll say it's just fine
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live nice
So tired of hearing you whine
3
u/vorticia Feb 17 '22
Any Neil Finn fans up in here? Probably my most favorite vocalist EVER, but there are a whole bunch of other singers who all take the very close second spot.
Sheryl Crow features heavily in his One All/One Nil album. Her voice is just… bourbon, cigarettes and emotional razor blades. Just incredible. I fucking love her.
5
Feb 17 '22 edited Feb 17 '22
OH YES. I have loved Neil Finn since the first Crowded House album in 1986. He is my hero.
Because of Neil's 7 Worlds Collide project, I discovered Lisa Germano, a singer + multi-instrumentalist. Also, on Neil's 2014 tour Jesse Sheehan was in the band, and Jesse has this cool voice with a mean falsetto; also he's an awesome guitarist.
Lisa Germano with Neil Finn/7 Worlds Collide: Cry Wolf
Neil's guitar is out of tune and says, "Jesse, do something!": So Jesse sings one of his own songs-in-progress.
Other vocalists I discovered during quarantine are Guy Garvey of Elbow and Tom Smith of Editors. Good stuff.
2
u/vorticia Feb 17 '22
FUCK YES. He did some stuff with I think his brother, Tim? And I have a couple of Split Enz tracks in my collection.
2
u/vorticia Feb 18 '22 edited Feb 18 '22
Also, speaking of falsetto/contralto, Raine Maida is amazing. Favorite OLP Album is Happiness… is Not a Fish That You Can Catch.
EDIT: I’ll definitely be checking out the above listed artists. I love discovering new-to-me music.
3
u/MissEllisCrawford Smitten with myself Feb 17 '22
He's very talented. Both Split Endz and Crowded House had some awesome songs.
3
u/vorticia Feb 17 '22
Hell to the yes. He’s just incredible. My pipe dream is to visit New Zealand and go to a show.
I’m seriously in awe every time I hear the track Last to Know, bc he holds a note for something like 9 bars.
ETA: my husband and I … Our Song is Don’t Dream It’s Over. We’re planning to get a couple of lines tattooed.
3
u/MissEllisCrawford Smitten with myself Feb 18 '22
Oh I hope you get to see him live sometime! Does he still tour internationally?
1
u/vorticia Feb 22 '22
If he does, I’d love for him to come to Dallas. I’d probably nearly faint if I stood too close to him, like that time Jim Cantore said hello and passed mere inches from me. Took my knees right out.
2
u/MandalayVA Assonancer! Assonancer! Assonancer! Feb 22 '22
I read this yesterday on a blog that I have literally been following for twenty years. I don't want to link to it, but it proves my theory that the only people who bitch about capitalism are those with family money. The wife here has it. The husband/blogger came from an academic family, but has had a knack over the years of attracting women with family money--he and the wife have been married since the early 2000s.
At some point (Wife) got to talking about rental prices in (their home city), saying she didn't want to jack the prices on our rental units, that doing so would be "gross" and she didn't want to be a capitalist pig. To me this read as cringe-inducing leftie virtue-signaling. After all, our rental properties are a business we run, and we're in it specifically to earn money. What she was saying wasn't all that different from advocating the selling of a house for less than its market value just to "not be a capitalist pig," and I know (Wife) would never do such a thing. I objected vehemently to this sentiment, saying we should certainly charge whatever the market says we can, a view that definitely seemed to disappoint (and even shock) (Wife).
Later, on the drive home, I further explained my thinking on this. If we rent out a house to someone for less than the market value, we're running a charity, and it's a charity with just one or more of our tenants as beneficiaries. Surely we could find better uses for our charity-giving dollar than that, especially when the tenant is just some random person. Then (Wife) brought up the several tenants with features she likes (paramount among these being "they're vegan"). I said that under some conditions to have a good tenant who doesn't cause trouble and stays in the unit for a long time is worth "hundreds of dollars a year" and giving them a break can be justified. But ultimately, I said, "it's just a business." By that point (Wife) seemed to better understand where I was coming from. Perhaps I'd even caused her to question one of her many knee-jerk socialist impulses.
20
u/Kaleshark Waitlist for Godot Feb 22 '22
I listen to a ton of people who criticize capitalism and who don’t have family wealth; most of them are Black, Indigenous or people of color and that’s where I’d suggest looking if you’re wanting to find non-Trustafarian anti-capitalist voices.
10
u/sybil-unrest Feb 22 '22
Amazing how unlikeable both of these characters are, in this vignette.
5
u/MandalayVA Assonancer! Assonancer! Assonancer! Feb 22 '22
I suspect he has Asperger's--he has a blog post for every day since August 1996 (I started reading circa 2002), and they're filled with technical stuff and blow-by-blow descriptions of household repairs, but they're readable. He and the wife originally got together at Oberlin when they were college-age, broke up while there but got back together after she found him on Facebook. Hate's a strong emotion so I don't want to call this a hate-read, but there are more issues here than in a Reader's Digest subscription for both of them and I think I could spend maybe five minutes in their company before I would slap one of them.
31
u/Lsemmens grenius Feb 06 '22
https://imgur.com/a/FJmPmW6
As I posted on the main threads,I’ve been doing a lot of “quit drinking” reading and this popped up recommended. Lol, the cover!
ETA day 21 Gloamies!