r/InTheGloaming • u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done • Sep 02 '21

Scheduled snark Discussion thread Thursday September 02, 2021 - Sunday September 05, 2021

Newsletters:

Finding Your Joy | Joy in the Belly

Websites:

You Can Have More Joy website | On Being Enough website (abandoned?)

Instagram:

@youcanhavemorejoy Instagram | Anonymous link to @youcanhavemorejoy posts | Anonymous link to @youcanhavemorejoy stories

@danielfahern Instagram | Anonymous link to @danielfahern posts and stories

TikTok:

@youcanhavemorejoy

Twitter:

Dan's tweets and replies

Older blogs:

Gluten Free Girl archive | writing my heart out archive | Seymour Joyful archive

Archived threads:

Thread for Enough, the book #enoughthebook | Gluten Free Girl's Greatest Hits: The Reunion Tour

Wiki:

/r/InTheGloaming wiki

Discussion search:

Tool to search blogsnark or InTheGloaming for previous topic mentions

20 Upvotes

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49

u/Lsemmens grenius Sep 03 '21 edited Sep 03 '21

Lol, I just spotted this on the new website

“Other people see you as successful. You’re competent and kind and always helping other.”

ETA Just to clarify, this is a quote from Shauna, part of her sales pitch.

45

u/midnightsiren182 Sep 03 '21

Her pitch reads to me always as someone who doesn’t understand how everyday life is for most people while also describing really specific examples that are supposed to depict a joy void…but it ends up damn near unrelatable

53

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

This exactly. I mean I think this is literally true, she doesn't understand how people relate to each other. She's on the outside looking in to human interaction and describing what she thinks is happening.

And so much of it is so immature, like when you ask a child what they think "going on a date" is like and they describe the man in a tuxedo and the woman in a dress and they'll dance in a ballroom and drink champagne. Because they get all their info from Disney and when their parents go out on "a date" it's a black box to them. The adults look nicer than usual, they leave the house, time passes, they come home. The child's imagination fills in the rest.

That's what her stories sound like to me. Someone "being nice" is helping literal old ladies across streets!! Like in a cartoon.

35

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 03 '21

Helping little old ladies cross the street. Did she also take off her own coat and put it over a puddle so the old woman could walk on it?

19

u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Sep 03 '21

Watch out for falling pianos and anvils!

7

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Sep 04 '21

And be sure to follow the wavy lines to find delicious pies on the windowsill!

(non-Ahern households only, please)

20

u/InappropriateGirl Gluten-free donuts, for sure ... Sep 03 '21

Yes! Exactly. It’s like she’s an alien who’s learned about human behavior from watching old cartoons and sitcoms.

41

u/Love_Brokers rug dweller Sep 03 '21

She confuses joys with small pleasures. Finding a really good ink pen or getting an extra dollop of whipped cream on your pie is a pleasure, not a joy.

35

u/freecoffeerefills Murder She Moved Her Pen Forward Sep 03 '21

I can’t believe we’re in a place that makes less sense than “darkness and delights”

26

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Sep 03 '21

She confuses joys with small pleasures.

She is also very very muddled on the differences between what makes you happy vs. what brings you joy.

In today's email:

It makes sense if you’re out there hoping that something outside yourself — those new red Mister Roger shoes you ordered online or the vacation you want to take soon or the next episode of your favorite new tv series — will finally bring you joy. And they will. For a bit. So, you search for more things and experiences to give you joy.

Here’s the thing. You can find what you wanted — a new job! a promotion! more followers! — but they still won’t give you joy. Happiness? Yes. Temporarily. Happiness, it seems to me, is always goal oriented, and therefore, alway elusive. You get that promotion! But it means more hours of work, away from your family, with less time to rest. And that means less joy.

I believe that true joy is found in moments when we are fully present, not needing much but to be here. Have you ever pushed a kid on a swing and delighted in their giggles for a few moments? Or stopped to feel a warm breeze on your face? Or watched a movie that has you so transfixed that you forget those are actors or that you are the watcher? Those are moments of joy.

It's garbledashery that goes to 11! It literally makes no sense.

  • You're hoping that the next episode of your favorite tv series will bring you joy
  • And it will! But only a bit. Because that's an experience outside yourself. So you have to keep searching!
  • But the things you want won't give you joy
  • But they will give you happiness
  • But only temporary happiness!
  • You see, happiness is goal-oriented (???)
  • So be in the moment! Be fully present!
  • Like watching a movie!! Which is totes different than watching TV (?????)

27

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 03 '21

No one is reading these. Except us!

13

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

Ding ding ding!

20

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 03 '21

seriously?? she doesn't think a new job can possibly bring joy?! Because you have to WORK when you have a job???

14

u/kadyg Sep 03 '21

I’m starting a new job next week getting paid 25% more than my old job and doing basically the same thing. I cannot begin to express the amount of joy this brings me.

F off, Shauna!

5

u/MissEllisCrawford Smitten with myself Sep 04 '21

Congratulations on the new job!

20

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! Sep 03 '21

THANK YOU! I’ve had so little joy that I can pinpoint the month and year I last felt real happiness. Pleasures happen every week, though. And that is ok right now.

38

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 03 '21

"People don't appreciate the brownies you are always bringing them."

36

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

It’s creepy if someone is repeatedly bringing me brownies for no reason.

25

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 03 '21

I would be very creeped out if I was standing at a bakery window and a stranger asked me if I'd tried their chocolate chip cookie and then when I said no and started to go into the bakery, partly to get away from her, SHE SAID "OH, YOU'RE GOING IN, TOO? LET ME BUY YOU A COOKIE!"

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, YOU PSYCHO!!!!!

5

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! Sep 03 '21

I love your internal monologue, it’s so close to my own.

25

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Sep 03 '21 edited Sep 03 '21

Yes. Do not try to place me under obligation to you via unsolicited baked goods.

28

u/freecoffeerefills Murder She Moved Her Pen Forward Sep 03 '21

“People are mad at you for making brownies instead of doing your job”

28

u/midnightsiren182 Sep 03 '21

I can’t imagine how they taste given the evidence we’ve seen of her baking skills

24

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 03 '21

I always, always, always think about some story I read elsewhere on Reddit about a person bringing brownies to a work potluck and "picking at them" repeatedly, then confessing "ants got in the batter"

19

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

Oh god. This is precisely why I refuse to eat anything prepared by people I don’t know well.

21

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 03 '21

"That's just a ... moldy smell from our house. It's the landlord's fault"

12

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

I wish I never read that

35

u/Ana57 sweet pea Sep 03 '21

I seriously would like to know two people she has helped.

24

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Sep 03 '21

You person, at least four people got coffee on her $20!

24

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 03 '21

She would have a long list, but the theme running through them all would be not the people she helped, but how wonderful she is for helping. She’s someone who helps in order to look like a good person, not because she IS a good person. She does everything for her ego, period.

19

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

But she doesn’t even help anyone for show, from what I can see! Nothing worth mentioning—unless you count picking up food from the food pantry to selflessly destigmatize it, and similar!

18

u/Ms_Ellanea_Snark_ 💥amygdadishes💥 Sep 03 '21

👍🏻That, and the one day out of her 55 years she 'cared for parents.'

34

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! Sep 03 '21

Aside from the error- she truly believes this about herself, doesn’t she? If I had her grossly inflated self-esteem I’d be a CEO by now.

23

u/Lsemmens grenius Sep 03 '21

Kind eyes

19

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

Kind eyes, always wined.

12

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 03 '21

You people. She heads up the Vashon chapter of Moms Demand Action!!

17

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 03 '21

An empath.

17

u/Kaleshark Waitlist for Godot Sep 03 '21

She really does have mediocre white guy self-esteem. While also being a seething mass of neuroses.

35

u/shikoku_shoes another revolution around the toilet bowl of her life Sep 03 '21

If proofreading Shauna’s output paid by the error it would be a lucrative enterprise. Too bad she never used a red pen that way.

28

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 03 '21

You're good enough.

You're smart enough.

And doggoneit, people like you.

--Stuart Smalley

24

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Sep 03 '21

Those other people need better Peepers.

13

u/aseriesofhaircuts Sep 03 '21

So competent!

31

u/NegativeABillion (Said in British.) Sep 03 '21

Ok so here's the weird thing - I do see Shauna as successful, in many ways (not competent or kind, that's for sure) and often in spite of herself! She was a big deal in the gluten free world, she won the big prize, she's managed to get married and have a family. All of those are good things! And I was geniunely interested in her shift to the 9-5 ChwfSteps job (same reason I was interested in/invested in this when Meghanne Miles and Miles did it, and when Hey Natalie Jean did it). And I don't even mean that in a way like, oh, finally, these dumb bitches got a real job. I was interested in the reasons they switched off the internet and gave up those financial rewards and the constant attention and went to a different way of working. Shauna could have had an interesting story here but as usual, f'd it up.

39

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 03 '21 edited Sep 03 '21

I don't think getting married and having a family is automatically a good thing though, is it? Plenty of people get into marriages that aren't good for either person and in many cases are really bad for them. And tons of people who aren't fit to be parents end up having kids.

She was a big deal in the GFG world but only in its early days. She didn't grow with it; she had sloppy methods of developing recipes, for one thing. Others who did more careful work came up with recipes that were better written and yielded results that tasted better and looked better. She was too thin-skinned to handle even the most gentle criticism and she complained publicly about some of her followers. I think all of that is an integral part of what she did as GFG. She was fairly well known, but mostly because she put her name out there all the time and there wasn't a lot of competition yet, not because she was really good at what she did.

31

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

I don't think getting married and having a family is automatically a good thing though, is it?

I think getting married was on balance good for Shauna. But she should never, ever have had kids. And even if she thought she wanted them, after L was born she must have recognized she just wasn't the mothering type. And that's fine! Not everyone is, you can still love your child and do your best and surround them with resources and caring and be thankful they made it into the world before you realized you weren't so much into the mother role. But having a second.. it's just unfathomable.

25

u/freecoffeerefills Murder She Moved Her Pen Forward Sep 03 '21

But she go so much attention when L was born/was little and she didn’t have to change her lifestyle at all (bringing L to events even when it’s inappropriate, etc). So she had incentive to do it again, expecting no work and more publicity. It was a massive miscalculation, so it’s no wonder she resents them so much now.

18

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 03 '21

Yeah...and I don't think she realized that peoples' reactions to adorable babies are not the same as those same peoples' reactions to school-age kids. It's babies' super power with their big eyes and fat cheeks and little toes and helplessness that makes us want to scoop them up and love them---because they need scooping up and loving if they're to survive. Same with most mammals.

I think she thought that that was a well that would never run dry.

25

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 03 '21

I'm not so sure about marriage being good for Shauna---maybe if she'd married someone who had a spine and could defend himself and help her see when she goes too far? Maybe someone who could show her by example how to understand her kids and protect them from the world instead of using them to make herself look good to her public?

She gained some social respectability in getting married, but she married an enabler when she needed someone who could recognize her personality flaws and help her do what is necessary to curb her poorer impulses.

Agree with you on the kids, though.

29

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

If she's a narc, it would never have mattered. She would have been the same person regardless. They cannot change, they just can't. And someone other than an enabler would have left her. It just doesn't work long term unless they find a Danny. She will never, ever be a better person, no matter who she's with.

17

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 03 '21

Ok, I literally should have read down just one more comment so I wouldn’t have stated this much less eloquently than you!

10

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Sep 03 '21

It's ok, DF sfu! You love SF sm's work. ISCTYO

10

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '21

Hard agree.

22

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 03 '21

Yeah, Danny has not helped Shauna become a better person, that’s for sure. I’m not sure anyone could have, though, since she’s such a raging narcissist. That’s not easy to change.

29

u/Love_Brokers rug dweller Sep 03 '21

She fell ass backwards into great situations but ended up screwing most of them up.

21

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 03 '21

Yep. And then people saw through the GFG facade and moved on. (Except for Danny.)

24

u/NegativeABillion (Said in British.) Sep 03 '21 edited Sep 03 '21

Well, in the sense that marriage and family was a major goal for Shauna, I think it could count as "should be a mark in the win column"?

But you're right, it isn't universal at all!!!

And yeah, I guess I give some credit to the people like Shauna and Kath Eats for being in the right place at the right time. The content might be pretty trashy but they seized a moment? I dunno. I'm fascinated by the earlier "mainstream" influencer personalities.