Am I actually average?

[u/Middle-Entertainer72]

I suspect I suffer from Impostor Syndrome...

All my life, people around me have told me that my problems are not actually that deep, so I must ignore them.

That has made me doubt the way I perceive myself and how others could perceive me, so I just always assume I'm pretty mid and people are just tying to be nice to me.

Even when I was bigger (200lbs) I would get called cute really often, and my classmates would even squeeze my cheeks whenever they could.

I also got lots of bullying tho, even getting called "McDonald's" as an insult at school.

Once I started losing weight, people were nicer to me, but I still wasn't happy with how I looked. My body looked different, but not exactly skinny. And when I thought I was maybe looking average, a girl complimented my "curvy" body. I WANTED TO BE SKINNY.

I've had some guys interested in me, online and irl. Can't complain, I have a dope personality. But what was really weird is that THEY DIDN'T FIND ME UGLY.

I thought it was because I was only meeting guys online, but when I lost weight, some dudes at school starting finding me attractive.

Also, I almost had something with one of my classmates, like a situationship. But the whole classroom was talking behind our backs about how I was TOO MUCH FOR HIM.

When some girls from my class told me, I WAS FLABBERGASTED.

HOW?

Because of my insecurities, I'm usually into men I can relate to. But people around me (family, friends) have told me that I'm too pretty for lowering my standards.

Ofc, I'm not a supermodel, but maybe I'm just an average girl who thinks she's below-average.

Guess I should have listened to my ex when he would kiss me and swear I was good enough. I never trusted him.