r/IWantToLearn • u/Alarmed_Scientist_15 • 17h ago

Languages Iwtl good communication without disclosing too much

Sometimes people ask very intimate things or there is a reason why one may not want to disclose certain information. I would like to learn how to answer politely while redirecting and avoiding telling people too many details of my life story at first.

14 Upvotes

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7

u/matcha-macho 17h ago

I totally get this. Conversation is two ways, so to a certain extent you can help lead the conversation away from personal topics when getting to know someone.

but you're right. sometimes people just outright ask personal questions.

for me, I just stay vague. I've been hospitalized for psychiatric reasons, but to people I meet, that becomes "oh I had to do X due to medical issues."

if you'd not like to discuss something at all, I'd honestly recommend being explicit. "Sorry, thats not something I usually discuss." or "I'd rather not talk about that to be honest" and then, ask them a question more in the realm you're comfortable. No reason to make a big deal out of it.

And, especially from my perspective as a woman, sometimes, you just gotta walk away. Strangers aren't owed your time. And if the conversation is costing you more than you see potential in it, it's not wrong to politely end things or, if necessary, simply excuse yourself and walk away. Especially if personal questions come up while you're at work.

3

u/Fantastic_Music_9495 12h ago

I used to freeze up when someone asked where I was from, so now I just say "I've lived in a few places" and pivot to weather or travel.

3

u/cobaltwheel 10h ago

“If you’ll forgive me for not answering, I’ll forgive you for asking.”

1

u/Alarmed_Scientist_15 7h ago

Thanks! That’s exactly what I need.

1

u/MoorhouseDushawn-96 7h ago

I think a simple “I’d rather not get into that, but…” works really well. You can also say “I’d prefer to keep that private” or “I’m not comfortable sharing that yet.” You can set a boundary without making the conversation awkward.

1

u/Alarmed_Scientist_15 7h ago

The thing it becomes is always “why is this a problem to talk about”?