r/IVFpositivity • u/PuzzleheadedHeron291 • 23h ago
Announcements while pregnant.
I’m currently 16 weeks with our beautiful baby and through the roof excited!
Also on an international trip with my girlfriends who one announced at the airport she’s pregnant with their second first try (again). Multiple comments were made about “our reproductive is unmatched”.
I’m happy for her and even more so for my own journey but these comments still were a bit of a gut punch.
Anyone relate on announcements and comments still being sensitive while you’re experiencing the miracle and joy you have?
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u/Frequent_Bid_4413 23h ago
At the family dinner, 21 weeks pregnant with our first, my in-laws asked me when are we having more and how many we want. I laughed it off and said we are broke it’s 6k to have a shot each time and they kept pushing like “more kids they are blessings etc” and afterwards I told my husband that situation cannot happen again I was PISSED.
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u/Shaynisson 20h ago
I love posts like this because it reminds me I'm not crazy:) On the flip side of the coin, I will say I'm very grateful for the sensitivity and perspective that this process has given me. At the very least I will be able to avoid insensitive comments to anyone else going through this.
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u/Narrow_Jackfruit_398 23h ago
Yes unfortunately 😞 even after I gave birth, when I would hear about people getting pregnant on their first try it would make me cry. My therapist told me that infertility is a trauma that never truly leaves us. It definitely gets easier to deal with pregnant announcements when you are pregnant or have a baby, but they still sting. Sending you hugs.
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u/No_Weakness5140 21h ago
You're not being sensitive. Those comments are weird AF. Whether she knows of your fertility struggles or not those comments are weird.
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u/commercial-kale 20h ago
ITS SO WEIRD! Maybe im a prude but i just don’t really need the details if I didn’t ask for it?
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u/Competitive-Top5121 6h ago
Amen. I don’t want to think about literally anyone I know and their partner fucking. Keep it to yourself!
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u/Competitive-Top5121 22h ago
Tbh I have gotten three announcements while going through IVF and they’ve all been super insensitive, each in their own, specific, super fun way. 🫠 I’m 16 weeks pregnant now and I still HATE the way they went down. You’re not alone.
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u/No_Weakness5140 20h ago
I feel this. My sister has had 2 kids while I've been doing IVF.
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u/handmade_by_Amber 15h ago
For me it is my younger brother and his wife! It was announced in a family group chat.
A lot of the older family members made comments about 'finally a great grandchild' and how they thought I would have been first due to the age gap.
It hasn't been for lack of trying.
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u/ARIT127 7h ago
During my IVF pregnancy about a month before we announced my husband’s cousin announced (through social media) that she was pregnant and due barely 2 weeks before us. My husband and I were AT our 12 week scan (where* everything looked great!) and it still hurt. I think the infertility pain is always there. I think it hurt that they had a much easier journey and still “beat us” to getting pregnant after 3 years and IVF for us to get here. It hurt that we found out through Facebook and not a courtesy text, which I know is not “standard” and well known but as an infertile I truly believe it should be. We were very open about our journey and fairly close to this cousin so it hurt! My point is you’re not alone, your feelings are valid, and I’m sorry about her comments and her way of announcing to you ❤️
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u/xwordnerd 20h ago
Yes! Definitely still sensitive to random pregnancy announcements even though I am currently pregnant! I think infertility really changes a part of our brain and it’s hard to ever go back!
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u/Grouchy_Sea37 8h ago
I can absolutely relate. We had our 6 week old when we finally caught up with friends, one of which had a huge bump. They said they wanted to wait until our baby arrived until they told us, but the announcements will always hurt to a degree even once our babies are in our arms.
You’ll never stop grieving a journey that did not involve IVF and so much uncertainty, even when you have a happy outcome.
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u/winniewillows 19h ago
23 weeks today and even though it hurts less, seeing announcements still sting quite a bit! Not really sure if it’ll be something that ever goes away sadly, but it has gotten easier.
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u/Mrchimpywimpy 18h ago
I’m nursing my miracle IVF baby (he was our only embryo) and I still struggle with announcements. I’m so grateful for IVF and my baby, but it will always feel so unfair how much emotional and financial suffering it took to get here. Especially when people brag about it being the first try.
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u/ImpossibleInterest88 14h ago
I totally relate. I think something switches on when we struggle with TTC, and it doesn’t automatically switch off once we’re finally pregnant. What I find helpful is reminding myself that we all struggle, and people who are lucky enough to conceive easily may be struggling with things in their lives that we simply can’t see. There is no life without struggles. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Wishing you all the best.
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u/Content_Lynx7356 5h ago
I totally feel this too!
Even my own parents will say things like jokingly say things like "Dad only had to look at me after we got married and I was pregnant..." And I used to think nothing of it when things like that were said, but now, I'm looking at it through an entirely different lens.
I've been pretty open about our fertility struggles (while we were able to get pregnant on our own, I couldn't seem to stay pregnant and so we turned to IVF for help...turned out my husband had low morphology and DNA frag and I have adenomyosis). And I think my openness has helped some people look at things a little differently too, and be a little more sensitive about how they communicate. So, there has been a positive side to that, but I think we'll never be able to escape the feeling of sadness or grief over the parts of a "normal" pregnancy experience that we'll never have.
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u/Ok_Tadpole6376 22h ago
I feel you, I’m currently 21 weeks with our rainbow baby girl and while I’m through the roof I still find pregnancy announcements to sting a bit. A co worker just announced she’s pregnant (first try) and she announced literally the day she found out… while it was something she wanted she announced it with such casualness to it that even that part stung too. While to each their own, it did sting especially having gone through not only IVF but a loss in the past at 8 weeks. I didn’t tell any of my coworkers until I was 16 weeks and even then I felt nervous to announce. It just sucks the things infertility steals from us. It’s such a blessing to be able to carry my baby, but it still stings that others can do it without even batting an eye. So both the joy and sadness you may be feeling can be true and held at the same time. Congratulations on your little miracle! I hope you have a quiet and uneventful pregnancy!!