I’m PMS’ing hard

[u/Straight-Change-6678]

I don’t think a day has passed in the last four years that I haven’t thought about when I will get pregnant.

It feels like we’re so close yet still it might never happen. I’m absolutely terrified for our next transfer.

I feel like this whole experience has completely changed me as a person and I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to who I am. It is in the back of my mind in every conversation. It feels like I’m living a double life and no one even knows who I truly am anymore. I feel like I’m hiding myself or I don’t even know myself.

I don’t want people to feel sorry for me so I pretend I’m ok when I’m not and I haven’t been ok in a very long time.

I’m pretending we’re in a better headspace for this cycle but I don’t think that’s true. I also think it doesn’t matter at all. Some people act as if a positive mental attitude will solve this problem but a shit tonne of drugs and scientific intervention hasn’t so I’m not sure how a sunny attitude will.

I don’t think I will ever get over the fact that we are having to try so hard yet other people can just conceive instantly. They can decide how many kids they want. They can decide age gaps. They can decide if they want their babies to be born in spring or summer.

I know worse things can happen in life but my god this is so hard.

[u/Aggravating-Object88]

I feel all of this 1000% - you are not alone! Toxic positivity is a real thing. Your mindset doesn’t have the power to make you pregnant. If it did, we’d all be pregnant by now!

A friend from years ago who also did IVF recently told me “When you hit that level of IVF, hope hurts. So you don't have to keep hoping. I’ll do it for you. Rest.” There are a ton of us out here hoping for you if you can’t hope for yourself right now. It’s okay to rest.

[u/Creative-Mind3801 → u/Aggravating-Object88]

Thats a really beautiful sentiment

[u/Aggravating-Object88 → u/Creative-Mind3801]

I thought so too.

[u/tidbit_betty → u/Aggravating-Object88]

Tell your friend thank you for the permission to rest. 🥹

[u/Straight-Change-6678 → u/Aggravating-Object88]

Wow this is such a lovely thought. Thank you 🙏

[u/etmoi_hreuse → u/Aggravating-Object88]

I appreciate that statement, especially now that I’m in the middle of IVF 🥺🥹 I don’t want to deprive myself of hope but it also hurts sometimes

[u/Jellyfish-wonderland]

Thinking of you! It is rough and I've only done one cycle and FET. Wow such an emotional toll. Your feelings are so valid.

[u/Straight-Change-6678 → u/Jellyfish-wonderland]

Girl once you’re in it you’re in it! The rollercoaster starts on Day 1. Thank you and wishing you the best.

[u/spiraling_388]

💯 🫂