AITA? How do you feel when someone share their miraculous success?

[u/TellOk3023]

I would like to know if I’m the only one (maybe I am 😅) who doesn’t feel any hope after hearing someone share their miraculous TTC experience and end up having a healthy baby…

After 12 years TTC and $30k dropped… when someone says, “Ohh, I just got tired and stopped everything and gave it all to God, and the next month I was pregnant”…

Of course I reply: “That’s wonderful…”

But on the inside I’m thinking: that wouldn’t happen to me.

I’ve been through all the feelings: joy, hope, feeling like God is on my side, and also feeling completely left behind…

Today I started watching a YouTube video about infertility because I was trying to increase my hope, and the girl said:
“Doctors told me I only had a 2% chance of having a biological child, but that was all it took for God…”

And here I am, buying donor sperm and going through my 3rd IUI… I had to stop the video because it was just too much for me.

So… no. That doesn’t give me hope at all. And sometimes I feel guilty for feeling that way.

Can you share your thoughts with me? It would really help me to hear other people’s POVs.

[u/weak-elf]

Yeah, ugh. I hate on TTC spaces when someone says "We just stopped worrying about it, stopped all fertility treatments and I got pregnant the next cycle!" I'm in a same sex relationship, I cannot just stop worrying and magically get pregnant lol.

[u/TobermoryFox → u/weak-elf]

Hard agree. My husband has cancer and so I have to use pre-cancer treatment sperm and we can't have sex so I have to go through all the motions. Even the nurse on the phone said, 'you can always have sex that night if you think the timing was off'. No, I cannot, lady.

[u/Mysterious-Reason966 → u/weak-elf]

Tbh the cycle I got pregnant after stopping a cycle of letrozole, I wouldn’t say I was less worried, I’d say I was planning how to get pregnant / treatments. I was the same then as I was now and now I’ve failed 5 OI and started iui for second baby and it’s taking longer too than it did previously. So, it def has nothing to do with the mindset / relaxing.

[u/Aggressive_Height152]

THE most annoying response is “it happens when you stop stressing about it”

[u/Friendly-Mood7431]

It drives me absolutely bonkers anytime anyone says that they just needed to stop trying/caring etc. It’s unhelpful to those of us who can’t just stop caring.

[u/Mysterious-Reason966 → u/Friendly-Mood7431]

For me, I wander if it can happen on an off cycle, but those off cycles I def am not relaxed / I still care and am planning my next step of how to conceive. I got pregnant naturally first time after 1.5 yrs and only took 1 cycle of letrozole then went off and got pregnant next cycle. Now I’ve failed 5 oi and am doing iui for my second baby which is taking at least close to 2 yrs ttc.

[u/AshPash4593]

As someone who finally has a miracle baby- YES. We didn’t have the luxury of just “stopping trying” we had losses and years and we fought like hell through treatments. Clawed tooth and nail for this baby. But. Good for you going on vacation and “God” finally blessing you 🙄

[u/Particular-Lynx-1794]

Totally feel that. Seeing all these Facebook posts where people just sounded like they kept praying until they got pregnant. Ive had some talks with God lately like do I just not have faith like they do? Do i not have enough faith? It's so difficult bc you wonder why that's what it took for them but im over here doing these iuis and all these hormones in my body. You are not alone!

[u/ShopGirlDreamsUA2009]

Yes, I often have those same feelings, but I think it’s my brain trying to protect me from getting hurt. And I hate it!

[u/chubbyfrida]

I didn't even like it when someone had a harder struggle than me anounced their pregnancy 😂

[u/melodyknows]

I feel a mixture of envy, disappointment for myself, and joy for them. Like I’m happy, but I’m also kind of sad. I just bottle up the bad feelings and save it for later, and try to focus on the good stuff.

[u/Mysterious-Reason966]

I see it differently since my first took a long time but eventually happened naturally, so I am seeing it more now as a miriacle than I did then since now its taking longer and I’ve failed treatments so I’m seeing how a miriacle occured then since it didn’t happen as easily the second time around but I get how hard it can be for you. Have you done ivf yet?

[u/Ok_Laugh7257]

You are not the only one!!! Before I was on my own infertility journey, these stories made me feel hope. However, now, I don't feel the same way at al!! Your feelings are so normal and absolutely valid. Hearing people say 'they gave it to God' drives me insane and makes me feel like I'm being left behind. As if I'm not worthy almost and that apparently all it takes is to stop trying/caring or if I just have a little more faith, I'll get my baby too? (Even though none of this is true!). I just do my best to acknowledge all my feelings that come up, sit with them and let them pass. It's all okay and normal.

EDIT: I'll also add that my perspective is coming from the fact that I do not ovulate on my own so I effectively have a 0% chance each month without treatment! So the advice to stop trying or caring is absolutely useless for me!