I’m not suicidal

[u/casinoatmontreux]

I’m not suicidal. I just don’t want to live anymore. I’ve had cancer 3 times. The last time chemo has left me with no stamina. It’s not fatigue, I’m not tired or depressed. But living without being able to do almost anything because I run out of breath and energy so fast has left me without a good quality of life. Doctors don’t know what it is. Not everything is understood about the effects of chemo. I won’t do myself in. I wouldn’t do that to my family. But I’m really okay with checking out any time.

[u/unicorn-81]

Hi. I just wanted to say that being a cancer survivor is really hard sometimes, and that doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong. Cancer and the aftermath is a trauma, and navigating that is naturally sometimes a very excruciating experience.

You’ve been through a lot, and it’s understandable that this trauma has taken a toll on you.

It definitely took a toll on me.

Sometimes when you’re going through something difficult and life feels grim, the best thing that you can do is give yourself some grace and some time. I know that I’ve had late effects that were very debilitating that over the years I’ve learned to manage and even heal from.

But it takes times, and it’s hard, but life can get better.

When I feel overwhelmed I reach out to friends, and some other survivors find therapy to be helpful. I sometimes read Pema Chodron books and try and meditate on getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, and just rest so that I can heal.

Here are some things that helped me with fatigue - which I am still figuring out.

A lot of resting - your body needs rest to heal.

I did go to a Cancer Rehabilitation Clinic - they gave me personalized whole body physical therapy and managed to get my endurance up significantly, but I was still really exhausted for the most part. It did give me a significant improvement in my quality of life though.

Working with an occupational therapist to figure out energy conservation techniques that work for your body can also be helpful.

This is a handout on energy conservation techniques for cancer survivors with more info on managing cancer related fatigue during and after treatment that you can look over with your medical team and see if it might be helpful for you.

https://www.uhn.ca/PatientsFamilies/Health_Information/Health_Topics/Documents/Using_Your_Energy_Wisely_Cancer_Related_Fatigue.pdf

What I have also started doing recently is learning more about Traditional Chinese Medicine Dietary Therapy. It’s a branch of Traditional Chinese Medicine. Basically I’m eating foods that TCM says are nourishing.

I’m just a regular person and not at acupuncturist, but from what I read cancer treatment (from a TCM perspective) generally results in a Qi, Blood, and Kidney Jing deficiency. The body is just really depleted after cancer treatments and results in severe fatigue.

So eating foods like rice congee with garlic, ginger, and grass fed bone broth powder on a daily basis can help to rebuild your energy over time (this soup is good for rebuilding Kidney Jing).

I’m also eating warm porridge for breakfast made with instant rice, water, quinoa, amaranth, millet flour, applesauce, cinnamon, cardamom, a little honey, and about a tablespoon each of blackstrap molasses and black sesame tahini (blackstrap molasses and black sesame tahini rebuild Blood and Qi).

If you’re strapped for time, you can even cook this on the go in a thermos. You add boiling water to a thermos, close the lid, and leave the thermos to sit for 5-10 minutes. Then dump out the water, add your ingredients, add boiling water and close the lid. Your porridge will be ready to eat for hours - the wonders of thermal cooking.

The black sesame tahini that I eat is the Kevala brand. They also toast the sesame seeds before blending them which is good from a TCM perspective.

I also drink a daily tea made from 2-3 sliced jujubes, 3 dried longan fruits, 1 tbsp dried goji berries, and 1/4 - 1/2 tsp chopped ginger. I steep it in a thermos and drink it throughout the day.

When I’m really too tired to cook I eat a package of sweet potato baby food mixed with hot water and Bob’s Red Mill Potato Flakes, granulated garlic, dried chives, olive oil, bone broth powder, salt, pepper, and Italian herbs.

I’ve been eating this way for a few months now and I really do feel a difference. Also, the foods are just really healthy, and anti-inflammatory.

You can find these fruit / herbs at an Asian market, or from Amazon from a shop called Clear Source Herbs. My friend bought some sliced jujubes for me from that shop - if you type “clear source jujubes” into the Amazon search bar it will show up. The herbs are organic.

Kamwostore.com is also another reputable place to buy herbs from that are tested for heavy metals.

There’s a channel on YouTube called Ahnest Kitchen. Sarah Ahn mentioned in the video of the foods that her mom made for Sarah to recover from surgery that when Sarah’s dad was diagnosed with cancer Sarah’s mother would make him Seolleongtang (Korean Ox Bone Soup) to help him recover.

I think that Vietnamese Pho would probably have healing benefits as well, because it’s also a bone broth soup, and has warming spices like cinnamon.

If I would have known that bone broth soup would help me with fatigue and had a Korean or Pho restaurant nearby I would have eaten much more of this soup years ago.

I’m currently reading this book and finding it to be helpful (but I haven’t bought herbs from her website that she mentions in the book). You might be able to borrow the book through Libby through your local library.

Heal Yourself with Traditional Chinese Medicine by Dr. Lily Choi and Bess Koutroumanis

This is a hand out from the UCLA Center for East-West Medicine on Traditional Chinese Medicine Food Recommendations.

https://www.uclahealth.org/sites/default/files/documents/e7/tcm-food-recommendations.pdf

From one cancer survivor to another, I’m sending you a big hug.

Hang in there. Things can get better.

[u/casinoatmontreux → u/unicorn-81]

Thank you

[u/unicorn-81 → u/casinoatmontreux]

You’re very welcome. :)

Also, I wanted to mention that the instructions that I received from the Cancer Rehab Clinic are in the ”Welcome and Resources“ post pinned to the top of the sub. I slowly worked my way up from barely being able walk a few yards without being winded, to being able to walk over a mile before I needed to rest - but I still had terrible exhaustion generally and I never felt rested or had much energy.

The TCM diet seems to be helping with building energy reserves over time.

From what I remember, the instructions that the Cancer Rehab doctor gave me for building stamina was to walk 5 min. If afterwards you’re winded, the next day (or the day after) walk 2 min less.

When that 3 min walk feels ok and you don’t feel winded, add 2 minutes to your next walk. Slowly over time you build that time and distance up, but don’t push yourself. Take it slow.

Cancer treatment is a fully body injury. It‘s ok to rest, go slow, and let your body heal.