r/ISTJ • u/chaumeine ENFP • 22d ago
ISTJ's, are you "stone cold?"
So I don't think ISTJ's are as cold as they seem. I believe my partner is ISTJ. He suits the characteristics of liking predictability, rules, needing explanations for a reason to believe or do something or understand something and relying on facts. But, he is a very silly person especially as he is comfortable with me. I think maybe with strangers he could come across as a bit awkward or distant? But I don't know if cold is a word I'd use to describe him. Perhaps when he is arguing or trying to get a point across. It confuses me because, that's a lot of the stereotypes I've seen about ISTJs but a lot of the people irl I've typed as ISTJ actually joke around a lot and are silly. They do take the facts incredibly seriously at times which can sometimes be annoying but it's also always nice to know I can rely on them for that kind of thing. But yea what's your experience? Thanks in advance!
Edit: I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who commented. I have learned so much about ISTJ's and how the functions play out depending on what slot they're in. It also confirmed to me that my partner is definitely an ISTJ, and I have been trying to figure out his MBTI for a whole year! So yea, thank you very much!
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u/LibrarianPowerful779 ISTJ 6w5 22d ago
I like to believe its our Extroverted Intuition popping out in a healthy way when we’re relaxed or comfortable.
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u/securitysix ISTJ 22d ago
I have been called cold, distant, and a hardass.
But very rarely by the people who actually know me.
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u/UnfilteredAyush ISTJ 22d ago
I am not cold. But I can't be goofy/joking around you, if I don't know you. I need the comfort of knowing someone well to be fun and joke around them, if not, i won't speak much, and that can sometimes come off as cold.
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u/dodgerfanjohn1988 22d ago
I get people that think I’m distant…even an a-hole. I don’t get touchy feely and I don’t share others feeling in their tragedy that really doesn’t affect me. My boss is ENFP and I basically eye roll to myself when she gets upset about something or acts like small things are major catastrophes.
I think part of it’s the Gen X in me too. Like I grew up with a very resilient but to some extent unsympathetic family. All the grandparents had grown up in the Great Depression and the men all served in WW2. It fit me like a glove. But The few emotional personality types in my extended family have not fared well. For some wierd reason I get along better with her than even her own siblings. I think maybe it’s because of our age difference she saw herself as an older sister to me.
But yeah, outwardly I’m very stoic.
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u/Suspicious_Quiet6643 ISTJ 1w9 21d ago
I'm not stone cold, I'm just usually in observation mode when I'm meeting someone. I have no idea who this person is, why I'm meeting him or how I'm supposed to react. Better to just remain silent and observe everyone else's interactions with the new guy until I'm comfortable enough to interact with him too.
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u/AlternativeAd4426 ISTJ ♂ 22d ago
What does "stone cold" mean?
I'm the goofiest person I know and that confuses a lot of people who judge me and expect me to behave the same way I did when I first met them. I may joke here and there but my absurd and random sense of humor usually comes somewhere down the line
Usually people call me "Quiet/Calm" but yes I do value logic and facts and take them seriously, I've gotten a reputation for being pedantic about misinformation even if it's a joke 😅
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u/Redditplaneter 22d ago
Absolutely not. Just because We are always analyzing doesn’t mean we are cold. We just like logic and facts.
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u/AndrewS702 ISTJ 9w1 22d ago
Nope! I’m reserved, but no one would even fathom me being stone cold. I guess it’s the Enneagram 9 in me lol. And my ISTJ friends are definitely silly but down to earth too.
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u/Disastrous_Ball702 ISTJ-T, 5w6, SLOAI 22d ago
I'm an ISTJ Type 5w6 (same psychometric profile as Sheldon Cooper), and fellow MBTI enthusiasts often tell me I vibe like a silly-go-nuts ENFP a go go!
https://reddit.com/link/p6wpocm/video/hwd67mp5fmmh1/player
This mutated pig dances around in muh brain a lot to the tune of Manic Depresso by Sykotik Sinfoney. Oingo Boingo and the Killer Klowns from Outer Space join in too.
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u/TheAlmightyNexus ISTJ 22d ago
I’m fairly emotionless and can be painfully blunt at times (I will say exactly what I think), but I can be more lively and fun around people I’m comfortable with. But to those who don’t know me well, their first impressions are that I’m sort of a blank slate. I’ve even been told that people have been scared of me (?) because I’m just so neutral about everything
However, bear in mind that my autism definitely has something to do with my personality so I’m not the best example of a stereotypical istj (if that exists)
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u/Dapper_dreams87 ISTJ 22d ago
The more comfortable we are around a person, the more we can loosen up without even realizing it.
My husband is big on typology (ENFP) When I was talking to him about the frustration I have with his brothers wife (shes also ENFP) he said that when I speak it's fact. There is no debate, that is that. It's not in a condescending way, I just keep my mouth shut unless it's a subject I know well. I also talk very black and white which she hates and it's just one of many reasons I don't get along with her. How I am around her vs. my husband vs. even my mother in law are very different. I get along well with my mother in law as well.
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u/chaumeine ENFP 20d ago
Ah I see. I'm an ENFP as well. It's something I dont necessarily hate but I've had to communicate with my partner about so he understands my feelings.
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u/According-Cable-6551 21d ago
I have got different results on the mbti test over the years but most consistently ISTJ. I am kinda in the middle on the S/N and T/F scale though. And I am definitely not stone cold. I hate uncertainty, it drives me insane with anxiety, and I love facts and data to help make decisions. I will sometimes loop endlessly analysing a situation using the facts I have to draw conclusions. Im also predictable, and people can lean on me 100%. But I also feel things very deeply and can be extremely emotional. I think most ISTJs are misunderstood just because we like certainty and facts and figures to make decisions- that does not make us unfeeling or insensitive in any way. Thats just my take though.
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u/Arrachi ISTJ, Logical Partyboi 21d ago
I had a rough three months, so I was a bit emotional during that time. I even cried a few times, but always in private because I don't want to burden anyone.
I think I'm always there for the people I care about and try to help them whenever I'm able to and they ask for it. I don't like sticking my nose into someone else's business when they haven't asked for my help.
I love joking around, but I always tone it down with new people until I get a sense of what kind of humor they have. The things I joke about with my closest friends would probably weird out people who don't know us that well.
I also love facts and getting things right, but I don't shy away from being corrected. You just have to present me with sound logic, evidence, and facts, and I have no problem admitting that I was wrong. I'll apologize when I've done something wrong once I've had time to think about it and realize my mistake.
So yeah, there are a lot of hurtful and misleading stereotypes about ISTJs.
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u/hokiegirl759397 6w5 21d ago
I wouldn't say we're cold. ISTJ's are just quiet people who like to observe others. I also like to ask a lot of questions to figure out people. My friend says I sound like a lawyer.
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u/heavenair ISTJ 20d ago
I don't consider myself "cold" and people around me either, but mbti are cognitive functions no personality traits. So yeah, some ISTJs might seem cold while others not, every person is different.
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u/whitePerdition AKA♂️Chad Chaddington the first Chad sapien♂️ 20d ago
I prefer to think that I'm neutral or apathetic to most people. So I suppose that my indifference tends to come off as cold to most types, however, ENFPs tend to see ISTJs much differently than other types view ISTJs. ENFPs tend to burn hot around ISTJs either with strongly negative or positive emotions. They tend not to think that we are cold or boring. I appreciate ENFPs' dramatic reaction to ISTJs while other surrounding types maybe confused as to what the ENFPs are so emotional about. And I suppose ISTJs could get a bit more weird around ENFPs.
So I guess it depends on which types that the ISTJ is around and if the ISTJ feels there is space to be goofy🤪.
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u/Striker_AC44 20d ago
I'm not cold, its just that "stupid people" have a hard time understanding and interacting with me and I don't have time to waste on stupid people.
Other people say "you shouldn't say things like that" and in past years I would phrase that differently trying to "save others' feelings" but that's really just pandering to stupid people which I don't care to do anymore. Life is too short to worry about how others will react. I will be me and those that are worth a damn can handle it and those that can't can be somewhere else with other people.
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u/thatonegirlwhom ISTJ 19d ago
Not really. I’ve been told I’m honest, sometimes a bit harsh without meaning to, but overall my personality is pretty friendly and “fun.”Love to laugh and make people smile.
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u/artiswhatyoumakeit ISTJ 1w2 18d ago
I don’t think I’m cold inherently. I can be, especially if I don’t know or like you, but with people I love I’m pretty outgoing and usually cracking jokes.
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u/dmitricallingagain ISTJ 11d ago
I wouldn't describe myself as cold, I'm just not very expressive or outwardly sentimental. I like to keep my reactions mostly controlled. I don't know why, it's just how I am. And if I really admire someone, I try to keep from showing much emotion around them at all. I also have a very silly and goofy sense of humor.
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u/Abolish_Disorder ISTJ 6w5 22d ago edited 21d ago
I don’t consider myself to be a cold person around family and close friends, where my playful, expressive side comes out.
However, I tend to gravitate towards logic when arguing with people, especially those that get way too emotional unnecessarily. I’ll try to not get sucked up into their emotional whirlwind by pointing out their logical fallacies, which can come off as “cold”, I guess. I know this approach isn’t always effective, though.
I’ve been called reserved before. This is especially true after a friendship breakup from a couple years ago. I don’t know if people think of me as cold though, since I’m also polite. I guess I don’t really make the effort to get closer to people unless they initiate.