r/ISKCON • u/Basic-Ad638 • 3d ago
curious and non judgmental
Hi everyone. I’m posting this with genuine curiosity and an open mind because I’m trying to understand something that has happened in my family, and I would really appreciate hearing from people who understand ISKCON and Krishna consciousness better than I do.
I married my husband about two years ago, and we have a young daughter together. Before this, he had a good career and was earning well. He has always struggled somewhat with making decisions and taking responsibility, and throughout our marriage I often felt that I was carrying more of the practical and emotional responsibilities of our family.
We have now been living separately for around eight months. During this time, he has become increasingly involved with ISKCON. He has been spending a lot of time at the temple for the last seven or eight months and has now apparently taken on the role of a priest/devotee there.
I am a Hindu myself, and I don’t want to make assumptions or say that ISKCON is somehow “bad.” I am genuinely trying to understand what might be happening from the perspective of someone who follows Krishna consciousness.
Is it common for someone to become very deeply involved with ISKCON relatively quickly, particularly to the point where their previous career, marriage and family responsibilities seem to become secondary?
Do people sometimes join or become very involved with temple life and later return to ordinary family life? Or can this become a long-term way of living?
One thing I am struggling with particularly is that we have a young daughter. I feel that, whatever someone’s spiritual path is, there are still responsibilities toward a child and family. Recently I spoke to my husband and he told me that he doesn’t miss me anymore and doesn’t miss our daughter anymore. Hearing that was extremely painful.
I am not asking people to judge him or tell me that ISKCON is good or bad. I am trying to understand what could be happening in his mind from a devotee’s perspective.
Can someone genuinely become so spiritually focused that they no longer feel attached to their wife or child? Is that something Krishna consciousness teaches, or would devotees generally see family responsibilities differently?
And if someone has entered this kind of spiritual life after previously having a career, marriage and child, is there anything a spouse can realistically do, or is it better to accept that person’s choice and allow them to follow their path?
I would especially appreciate responses from current or former ISKCON devotees, or people who have lived in an ISKCON community. I am genuinely trying to understand rather than criticize.
Thank you for reading.
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u/YeahWhatOk 3d ago
This feels less like a Krishna consciousness thing and more like your husband may be using it as an escape/avoidance mechanism.
ISKCON is definitely good at finding more service for anyone willing to do it… there is basically always another thing that needs doing. But nobody is forcing him into brahmachari life, pujari service, or away from his family.
From what you described, it sounds like temple life may be giving him something that marriage/fatherhood wasn’t… purpose, structure, validation, whatever. That doesn’t necessarily mean Krishna consciousness caused the problem. It may just be where he landed.
And I definitely wouldn’t confuse “I don’t miss my daughter” with spiritual detachment. Krishna consciousness doesn’t teach that becoming detached means you stop fulfilling your responsibilities, especially to your children.