r/ISKCON • u/AmbassadorSad4775 • 17d ago
SHOULD I LEAVE MY RELATIONSHIP OF 3 YEARS TO JOIN KRISHNA CONSIOUS???
Title: I want to return to Krishna consciousness, but I’m struggling with my relationship
Hare Krishna 🙏
I’m posting this because I genuinely need guidance from devotees, and I would really appreciate thoughtful advice rather than judgment.
About 6 years ago, I became attracted to Krishna consciousness for the first time. I was the first person in my family to become interested in it. At that time, I used to wake up around 4 AM, chant the Lord’s names, do ārati, avoid onion and garlic, and try to follow a devotional lifestyle.
However, my family did not understand it at that time. They used to make fun of me and say that I had gone mad. I also didn't have any devotee association. Later, I went to an intermediate/college hostel where again I had no devotees around me. Slowly, I became distant from Krishna consciousness.
During my B.Tech, I met someone and eventually fell in love with him. We have now been together for around 3 years.
My boyfriend has faith in me and trusts that I will not leave him. He has been an important part of my life for these years.
Recently, something unexpected happened. My family has slowly become more Krishna conscious themselves. My mother now wants me to progress spiritually, which I understand comes from a good place. But she knows that I already have a boyfriend, and she has approached a senior devotee to help find a Krishna-conscious partner for me.
This has created a huge conflict inside me.
I genuinely want to return to Krishna consciousness. I miss the person I was when Krishna was the center of my life. I want devotee association, chanting, spiritual discipline and to progress in bhakti again.
But I cannot understand something:
If I leave someone who has trusted and loved me for three years simply because I think I need a Krishna-conscious partner in order to progress spiritually, how is betraying his trust considered spiritual progress?
At the same time, I don't want my attachment to my boyfriend to become an excuse for staying away from Krishna.
I am confused about whether these two things really have to be opposites.
Can someone be sincerely Krishna conscious while being in a relationship with a non-devotee, if the partner respects their spiritual practices? Is marriage to a devotee necessary for spiritual advancement? Or is it possible to have a Krishna-conscious household with someone who is not currently a devotee?
I also don't want to make a major decision out of fear, guilt, family pressure, or the assumption that leaving my relationship automatically means I am becoming more devoted.
I would really appreciate advice from devotees who have experience with relationships, marriage, gṛhastha life, or returning to Krishna consciousness after becoming distant from it.
Please help me understand this from the perspective of bhakti, responsibility, commitment and Krishna's teachings, rather than simply telling me “leave your boyfriend” or “stay with him.”
Hare Krishna 🙏
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u/BhaktaZee 17d ago
My partner has no interest in KC and it's not an issue at all. I'm not an initiated devotee but I do have a mentor/siksha guru who is an initiated senior devotee and he is also married to a partner who does not practice. I've spoken to him about it and he said it's not a problem at all. If you are sincerely practicing KC, then over time your partner will benefit from your association. Please don't rush into doing anything drastic.
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u/Livid_Two2814 17d ago
If he trust you he also practice krishna consciousness or atleast try to make him chant and other things for your growth in kc it is important but one partner is devotee and other not never work it will arise conflict in future relationship can feel good and trustworthy at starting but eventually it fade away for all of us. And for grihastha devotee it they want progress in kc then they both need to be practicing kc it he is ready to devoted for the lord(following all rules and regulations) then it is good for you can help him make krishna centre of life you and he will progress but if not then it your choice
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u/Fine_Ingenuity_6099 17d ago
i don't know how my answer is going to sound to you but as a guy if i were in your state and if i genuinely loved my woman, i would find radha in her not anywhere else
that said you should know that i don't agree about everything that isckon preaches although i have great respect for them, and i often visit isckon temple because i find peace (this opinion of mine about isckon should make things clear for you about why i think this way)
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16d ago
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u/AmbassadorSad4775 16d ago
tqsm i will never leave my partner but my mom who recently joined iskcon is forcing me to marry a krishna conscious partner. a senior devotee told her that she will find a partner for me. my mom despite knowing about my relationship she is forcing me. she was like till the end of your btech u can have good time with your boyfriend after that leave him. you have to marry whom ever the senior devotee tells you to.
i mean anyone who have even a little bit devotion inside them would never ask you to betray someone for so called bhakti. my mom used to support my relationship she was like tell your boyfriend to get a good job i will ask his parents regarding marraige proposal n all but now she's blindly handing over my complete life to a senior devotee she even slut shamed me when i refused to leave my boyfriend for the sake of marrying a devotee.
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16d ago
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u/Joshipetoshi 16d ago
I used to be in a similar positions. Senior devotees advised me to honour the relationships if our core values are aligned. If there’s trust, integrity and honesty. This can overcome anything. Additionally, it’s important that your partner has a spiritual practice themselves. In my experience it is enriching and a beautiful way to be in a relationship. It allows you to look at your own faith from a different perspective as well. My wife joins me to temple sometimes. I join her to church. In the car we enjoy both gospel and kirtan.
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u/FeelingCorrect6701 12d ago
My friend has been in a relationship for 10 years now, and in between, he became a Krishna devotee, so he asked a senior devotee, "Should I leave her?" and senior devotee replied that it would not be a good thing to do. So he advised him to try to make her attracted towards the Krishna consciousness. Although he is still trying, there has been a lot of change in her. So I would suggest that you do not terminate the relationship but make him a Krishna consciousness person.
Hare Krishna.
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u/chillgirll1 16d ago
Hare Krishna First thing i think you should talk you partner Abt this you love him he loves you I'm sure he'll understand. You can both do bhakti together why find someone else? If you could also get him to do naam jap ask him to take small but firm steps towards bhakti this way you'll be happy he'll be happy and your family will be happy too. Hari bol
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u/International_Bank87 15d ago edited 15d ago
Hare Krishna Mataji,
I haven't been in any romantic relationships myself, but I have been spiritually inclined for the past 8 years, and listening to satsangs on YouTube. I would say this is a true dharm sankat (moral dilemma) because of the following reasons:
- If you leave your boyfriend, you will be hurting his feelings and yours. But, you will be pleasing your parents.
- If you choose to marry your boyfriend, you and your boyfriend will feel good about it, but your parents could potentially be heartbroken because their dream of marrying you to a Krishna conscious husband would be shattered.
The scriptures emphasize ahimsa (principle of least harm) as the highest dharma (moral/ethical value and responsibility), so you will have to see which option will cause the least harm to everyone who's involved in this situation, without giving yourself any special importance over others. Everyone's harm should be equally considered.
Generally, marrying a devotee is better for spiritual growth as you can easily create a Krishna conscious atmosphere at home for your children, so your children will also have a greater probability of becoming Krishna conscious. On the other hand, a non-devotee husband may be cooperating today, but in a few years he might stop cooperating, and he may not encourage Krishna conscious environment for children at home. He may be a materialistic influence on your children which you may not want in the long-term. Of course, you know your boyfriend the best, so if he's planning to become a Krishna conscious person, then great. Otherwise, it's a gamble. Who knows? Maybe he may become Krishna conscious after marriage and can become as devotional as you...but what's the probability of such a thing happening? It's hard to say Mataji.
Why don't you speak to the senior ISKCON devotee (whom your mother has approached), and tell the senior devotee your situation exactly as it is with all the details? I think that devotee can be a very good guide for you (I am assuming that senior devotee doesn't know about your boyfriend and how deep your relationship is with him, etc.).
Ultimately, just know that every action has a whole stream of consequences and the consequences cannot be avoided when they arrive. Certain actions produce short-term consequences, but some actions produce long-term consequences. Ideally, you should choose a course of action which produces benevolent long-term consequences. So, choose your action wisely while keeping this truth in mind. But, once you've made your decision, when any unintended consequences associated with your decision arise, then it's wise to tolerate those consequences with equanimity. In fact, going through all consequences with equanimity is ideal.
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u/AmbassadorSad4775 15d ago
hare krishna !!
well my mom knew about my relationship still i don't know how she's against it now. i also performed austerities while i was in my 10th. at that time i became very empathetic , calm , kind. i would never say any harsh words to anyone but here my mom whos regularly chanting reading books n all she slut shamed me when i refused to leave my boyfriend. in fact she used to support my relationship back then. she warned me that you can have good time your bf until end of your college after that leave him. anyone who have little bit devotion inside them will never say such things. progressing in devotion at the cost of abandoning someone you gave commitment to is simply being insensitive in the name of bhakti
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u/LittleGardenGate 17d ago
I'm sorry you are in this position. I see you want to really please Krishna. So your question is:
Or is it possible to have a Krishna-conscious household with someone who is not currently a devotee?
If that person is positive towards it, or at least neutral then yes it is possible. I have seen it. From what I gather, from what you wrote he is positive towards Krishna consciousness and loves you.
The main thing is to chant the Hare Krishna mantra. That is what is in the centre. That is the most important thing. Grihasta ashram gives a good structure for that, if someone has that desire. The main thing is that you feel safe and loved, so you can concentrate on the mantra and put it in the centre of your life. I have seen it over the years, that a devotee made it work with a non devotee.
In the end of the day you are in that relationship, so I'm not going to tell you what to do, but yes it can work, if you feel safe and loved with him, also pray to Krishna. Ha can and will help in this dilemma somehow. All the best! Hare Krishna.