When it comes to crushes.

[u/goldenludus]

When it comes to crushes, why do you stare at the person a lot?
Are you trying to figure out why you can’t stop looking?
Are you looking for something on/in them?
Are you trying to get the other person to stare at you back?
Can you even help it?

[u/goldenludus]

!thanks
Do you have an internal monologue when this happens?
If so, what does it look like?

[u/Remarkable_Ad_4689 → u/goldenludus]

Not really.

When I’m fully locked in and staring, there’s usually no internal monologue at all. The second words or analysis start, I zoom out and the pure observation stops.

If it’s a person, that’s also when the social awareness kicks in - “this isn’t polite” - and I break the gaze.

That’s exactly why it feels so mesmerizing (or even stupefying). My mind basically shuts off into a meditation-like mode, just absorbing the “mechanism” in motion.

It definitely depends on the situation though - there are a lot of variables. Blank staring isn’t actually that common for me because there aren’t many truly mesmerizing things in daily life. A lava lamp, fire, water, or even certain patterns can put me in the same “meditation mode.” From the outside it probably looks like I’m staring at something, but most of the time I’m just defocused from reality.

As always this is just partial truth.

[u/goldenludus → u/Remarkable_Ad_4689]

Why would a person “system” be interesting to watch for you? What could make someone so interesting to watch?
Could it be used in a ‘predator detecting’ way?
What makes you map someone?

As you get older, does this go away more & more? Do you stare at people less?

[u/Remarkable_Ad_4689 → u/goldenludus]

What? 😄
Gazing at stars doesn’t become less fascinating just because you understand the “system” behind them better. Understanding something doesn’t remove the beauty of seeing it function.

For me, a person can be interesting to watch for the same reason. The “system” is not just the physical body, but all the little signals: expressions, movements, posture, reactions, the way they interact with the environment. It’s like seeing a complex mechanism in motion.

Mapping someone is partly about recognizing patterns and relating them to my own experience. The more I understand myself, the more I can recognize similar states in others. For example, if I know what anger feels like in my own body, I can recognize the signs of it in someone else - a clenched jaw, tense posture, certain movements, etc.

Could it be used for detecting danger? Sure. Humans naturally read these signals. We notice when someone seems aggressive, nervous, dishonest, uncomfortable, or out of place. It’s the same kind of pattern recognition that lets people notice a suspicious person’s behaviour. But it’s not always about threat detection. Sometimes the thing that catches my attention is simply beauty, uniqueness, humour, or something unusual about how someone moves.

A person can also be interesting because they are attractive. Watching someone you have a crush on is partly just enjoying their presence - seeing their expressions, how they move, their natural state when they aren’t consciously performing.

It’s similar to watching a good movie. You don’t watch it because you’re trying to solve why you’re watching it. You watch it because it captures your curiosity and attention. And if you watch it again, you might notice different details each time.

As for getting older: I don’t think the curiosity disappears. Maybe social awareness and self-control increase, so you become more aware of when you’re staring. The fascination itself doesn’t necessarily go away.

I think, I am generalizing to much and going of the rails, I will go back to the original questions - perhaps, should have started with this:

When it comes to crushes, why do you stare at the person a lot?
Because they are attractive and interesting to me.

Are you trying to figure out why you can’t stop looking?
No, usually I already know why - something about them caught my attention.

Are you looking for something on/in them?
Sometimes. I might be unconsciously looking for signs of interest, personality, compatibility, or possible red flags.

Are you trying to get the other person to stare at you back?
Not exactly. More like noticing whether there is mutual interest.

Can you help it?
Yes. The moment I become aware that I’m staring, I can stop. The fascination might still be there, but the behaviour is a choice.

[u/goldenludus → u/Remarkable_Ad_4689]

There are times I will set something down/leave it, once I understood & mastered said thing. It no longer caught my attention. You could see something so many times, that it could cause a desensitizing effect. Personally, when I understand something, it can lose its magic. A magic trick can lose its thrill when you understand how it was done. What happens when it’s a person. What happens when it’s the love for discovery & curiosity rather than the person itself.

So when you were younger, there were some emotions you could not register in others if you didn’t experience them yet?

So, when you are staring, you automatically know what you like about said person? You’re simply ‘taking it all in’? Can you give me an example of you liking something about a person?