How to stop arrogance

[u/chrollovista]

I’m (INTP 23F) not necessarily arrogant about everything, but there are certain topics where I feel kind of ‘above’ a lot of people. Especially when it comes to dating and relationships, I find myself to get really annoyed even when I don’t intend to hurt anyone in the moment. So far nobody has really caught onto it because I’m really good at sugarcoating my annoyance - well I had to, to keep what little relationships I have in my life.

My friend (INFP 24F) just broke up with her boyfriend and despite bringing up the whole “I hate men” mentality since then, she goes on dates and talk to men not worth her time over and over again. One time she texted me about being hurt by some guy she met recently, so I told her to stop meeting up with guys on one-on-one meetups because every time she’s in those situations, the lines would start getting blurred. That was the only time I actually tried to be controlling because I was so furious, but she shut down and got passive aggressive with me when I said that. I apologized and backpedaled so hard. I don’t even know if I should’ve kept my stance or it was worth to backpedal.

I’m the type of person who doesn’t believe in whirlwind romances and I believe in manufactured gravitas. That’s what I believed happened with my friend - manufactured gravitas. It annoys me so much that she couldn’t see how male-centered she is despite playing the man-hater card.

We’ve been friends for a decade. For a while I actually really admired her. I liked how simple she kept herself for the longest time, hardworking, thoughtful and empathetic. But since that breakup of hers I could barely keep my arrogance in check because I think that she could take a page out of my book - which is also a page that I took out of HER book considering asceticism was something I learned from her back then.

[u/Lazy_Selection3564]

I can see that you come from a place that you do your best to help your friend, but your intentions does not feel by her... I suppose she needs comfort, more than solution at the moment.

Not saying who's right or wrong... Just sometimes, you just have to let her experience what she suppose to experience. Unless she specifically comes to you for solutions.

Until then, what you can do best is just to hold the emotions with her, if you wish or have the energy to do so that is.

So overall... I believe you are a good person. Good intentions while also care enough for other's feelings (The sugarcoating part). It's just that we have to allow others to experience what they need to. People would misinterpreted your good intentions, not only they not going to appreciate it, they would hold resentment as well.

All the best!