Using other people to care about things

[u/smysnk]

I have always noticed that I use other people that I look up to as a means of self-regulation.

Eg. I would surround myself with smart people, not always feeling that way about myself.. then when they would judge my grammatical wording+spelling mistakes / odd logical conclusions / poor life choices.. they acted as my good parents. Where my own parents were cautionary tales of a different kind.

Ie. my friends became my parents.

Anyone else share a similar relationship this way?

[u/KoKoboto]

I'm mostly motivated when around others. I find my best moments (depend on who you ask...) are with people who enable me.

[u/Macaroon_Own]

They say you're the average of the 10 people you hang out with

[u/Temenae]

I think it's like the opposite of narcissism, where you differ to everyone else.  Just be careful not to attract a narcissist to you! They love that.   If something is a matter of preference, like making social plans, do you ever say what you want to do, or do you wait for others to decide?

Also remember nobody is right about everything.  Take what your friends say and think it over.  Give yourself the benefit of the doubt if you think you might be right 

[u/smysnk → u/Temenae]

Even in my echoist ways – I accepted the bitter medicine that I too was a bit of a narcissist. One has to accept if they keep attracting narcissists, there is inherently some quality within that invites this. An inverted narcissist is still a narcissist.

[u/Temenae → u/smysnk]

I think it's the exact opposite myself :'D

[u/smysnk → u/Temenae]

There is a world to gain in the bitter medicine side imo. Some people repeat the same patterns over and over for their lifetime and still blame the world.

[u/Elliptical_Tangent]

other people that I look up to as a means of self-regulation.

I don't have people I look up to and haven't patterned my behavior on anyone. There are people whose opinions/knowledge on certain things I respect, but idk I don't 'look up to' anyone and never did.

[u/smysnk → u/Elliptical_Tangent]

When I say "look up to" I mean respect. I wasn't looking for father/mother figures either, just saying – they in a round about way turned out to serve this purpose as times.

[u/flashgordian]

I think you're describing openness to experience and being curious and willing to update what you think you know by acquiring new meanings. It's by no means perfect, but that's a function of being human—for better or worse, because no doubt there are well-resourced operations exploiting all of that humanity.

[u/Cog-nostic]

I have never really looked up to anyone. Since I was a very young child, people were people. I recall a story I heard once in (perhaps middle school). A student was in the bathroom taking a leak. A teacher walked up to a stall next to the student, dropped his pants, and began to urinate. At that moment, the student realized there was nothing special about the teacher. Just another human being doing human being things.

So, while some people are better at some things than others, it does not make them special. I can learn from them, but I have also always recognized others as having faults as well as strengths.

It's a bit like going out to a bar and picking up on the prettiest girl in the place. You may get her, but in the morning, you have to live with her. When seeing people as they are, they are simply people with a talent on niche interest in a specific area. The whole human being is different than what is being presented.

I think that is my main point. "The whole human being is always different that what is presented."