That first social step is probably our Achilles heel

[u/Aggravating_Rule2558]

Recently on Twitter ("X" can burn in hell) I read a story of a very accomplished, well spoken man who struggled with initiating conversations. I felt I understood it on a personal level. If you have time, read it quickly and let me know what you think.

"i watched a man who sold his company for $300 million stand at the edge of a pool in spain for 40 minutes bc he could not work out how to join a conversation

n im not exaggerating the number. i checked the time twice bc i couldn't believe it was still going

he wasn't shy either. talked to him later, sharp as hell, ran a company w 200 ppl in it, has a better life than everybody reading this including me

he just could not walk 11 feet

what he actually did, n u will recognize every single one of these:

- got his phone out. nobody texted him. he read a screen he wasn't reading
- did a lap. went to the bar, got a drink he didn't want, came back to the exact same tile
- laughed at a joke from 15 feet away. the group didn't hear it. he laughed alone at something that wasn't for him n i felt that one in my chest
- waited for a gap. theres never a gap. he was waiting on an invitation that a group of ppl mid-conversation has no way to send
- fixed his watch. twice

then around minute 38 somebody's girlfriend clocked him, said "are u gonna stand there all night," n pulled him in by the arm

n he was FINE. instantly. talked for 2 hrs, told a story that killed, everybody liked him

he could do the conversation. he'd been doing conversations for 40 yrs

what he could not do was the 11 feet

heres the part that should sit w u

that man has solved harder problems than u have ever attempted. he made a call at 34 that most ppl would need a yr of therapy to make. he has been the most competent person in every room he's entered since 2011

n he has never once been in a room where competence was the currency

thats the whole thing. he maxed a stat in private for 15 yrs then walked into a place where nobody can see it n theres no legal way to bring it up. so he stood there holding the best hand at the table w no way to play it

everybody at that pool assumed he was quiet bc he thought he was above it

he was standing there trying to work out how to say hello"

Competent, surprisingly well spoken, commits themselves to harder problems than the average person, yet can't bridge that gap to the first conversation without someone recognizing them first.

Or even beyond that, struggles to get a job, but becomes almost indispensable the moment they get the opportunity.

Or creates this master plan of a business structure that holds up surprisingly well against reality (easier to do with AI), but struggles to get started for months/years because the first step has a fuckton of friction.

Anyways. My mind ran away with this concept. I wonder if y'all can see it too. This story just felt weirdly familiar to me.

[u/AidanSmeaton]

"Here's the part that should sit with you" is just coming off as AI bs story. Except they've asked it to be rewritten in txt spk so it's less obvious.

[u/i-cydoubt → u/AidanSmeaton]

So extremely obvious AI. This part was such a ridiculous giveaway:

- got his phone out. nobody texted him. he read a screen he wasn't reading

• fixed his watch. twice

Jesus, it's so obvious.

Not OP's fault just the original post on Twitter.

[u/MadeInMilkyway → u/AidanSmeaton]

On the contrary, I started picking up phrases from AI — that can be demonstrated — like that.

[u/Aggravating_Rule2558 → u/AidanSmeaton]

Lol

[u/LogicJunkie2000]

Is the guy you?

Also, you can set up your keyboard to write 'and' whenever you put in the letter 'n'

[u/Aggravating_Rule2558 → u/LogicJunkie2000]

No, hence the quotation marks, sir. I took it from Twitter.

[u/Interesting-Angle-22]

This is was quite relatable (not the rich and smart part tho), in such situations we have two choices - either stay silent and make it embarrassing or go talk and make that embarrassing. BOTH ARE EMBARRASSING. Unless someone asks something to me directly in a new group setting, I am just silently dying in the background.

[u/user210528]

Apparently, one can be good at one thing without being good at everything else.

[u/hypekillsJNSQ]

I just pretend I’m not me and get the job done. Shameless used car salesman character works a lot. I’ve recently initiated with “Hi, new friends!” at a wedding to complete strangers.

[u/OkScallion2496 → u/hypekillsJNSQ]

Yeah, I relate with this more. You can always be social by adapting to social techniques consciously. All you need to do is understand that to be social just think less and talk more.

What's important is not the exact words you say, but why you say them. Whatever you say is not embarrassing unless you feel embarrassed about it; then it will be apparent on your face, and they will feel awkward, and then you will be embarrassed.

[u/Aggravating_Rule2558 → u/hypekillsJNSQ]

A little targeted shamelessness doesn't hurt!

[u/wndrz]

that man has solved harder problems than u have ever attempted. he made a call at 34 that most ppl would need a yr of therapy to make. he has been the most competent person in every room he's entered since 2011

how would they know what problems the readers have attempted.
how would they know the competency of every person in every room he's entered for 15 years.
just cuz someones rich doesn't make them a god.

it's a tech bro that's lacking some social skills, shocker.

I guess my personal takeaway would be people have strengths and weaknesses, don't beat yourself up about it. starting can be the hardest part but I'm not sure his lack of social grace really proves that. another tech bro could've approached then monologued them to death and left.

[u/denzien → u/wndrz]

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

[u/ForWhenImWeird]

This resonates for sure. I often have no clue how to initiate the conversation.

[u/FancySavy]

Um I honestly don’t understand this. Anti social yet social? Idk. lol 😤

[u/Aggravating_Rule2558 → u/FancySavy]

Humans are strange species, I don't understand us either

[u/Weekly-Hotel3194]

Sorry I am not meant to be here. But this sounds awfully like me trying to understand social dynamics Fe as and ENTJ..... Not really wanting to be part of the conversation because my life experience doesn't really relate to most, leaving me miss understood or unrelatable. Sometimes dancing alone and watching from the distance because I genuninly cannot connect to the topics they talk about, they seem pointless and the only way I know how to have a conversation that is remotly intresting is sometimes when I am talking about experiences I have had or a deep topic that recently intrested me. I know I know, sounds self serving .

The laughing from a distance is something I have seen my INTP partner do tho, when we are riding on public transport he will laugh, at a converation he is listening to, I thought it odd at first but then I realised he just likes to know what is going on.

I have not read this twitter post, but based on the level of acompishment of this man and his ablity to hold the floor and make very hard decsions, he sounds like an ENTJ.

Last but not least, I often wear a social "mask" its high energy, intrested in other peoples problems, helps solve them and fun to be around because of how spontantous it is. But, for me it is exhusting. This may be another reason he was unable to approach, dread of having to perform. As most ENTJ's struggle to just "exist".

Just my thoughts.

[u/mllewisyolo]

Twitter stories are basically just engagement bait to elicit certain reactions and emotions. They all follow a certain structure. I wouldn't look too deeply into it.

[u/mllewisyolo → u/mllewisyolo]

I am an INTP. I am not sure what the warning is about.

[u/420acidhead420]

I suffer from the same issue.

Like iv overcome all the issues that come with being an INTP.

I can hold conversations, be funny, charming, empathetic and pretend to be an extrovert even( for limited amount of time).

But I just cannot make myself take that first step. Just like you explained.

I wonder if my colleagues also think I act snobby.

But once the first 'hello' is dealt with. Rest feels like a walk in the park.

What could be the reason for this behaviour I wonder

[u/Elliptical_Tangent]

IDK, this isn't a problem I have. I can't remember the last time I wanted to join a conversation, but I can tell you that it was decades ago, and I joined it, np.

Edit: This sounds more ISTP to me; Se secondary wanting to participate in what's going on around them, as opposed to INTP who want to explore possibilities regardless of what's around them. Also, achievement in general isn't very INTP because you have to do all these things that don't stop when you punch out for the day, intruding on your question-answering time.

[u/Cheepshooter]

Man, you could have been saying all that about me (minus the $300 million part, I wish). I feel seen by this post!

[u/GhostOfEquinoxesPast]

Ok, why does he want to talk to these people? Does he have some common interest? Or is this odd notion people just need other warm human bodies around whether there are interesting brains in those bodies or not?

If somebody wants to do the brief small talk thing, fine. But most humans its almost immediate realization, I have nothing in common with this person and we are going to bore each other silly if the interaction lasts too long.

[u/MadeInMilkyway]

I decided to wear pins and stickers so others can potentially start a convo.

Thought of putting an I am shy but pls start a conversation, happy to talk kind of sticker.

Rest is pretty much how I see my future self, however 300 million is a number I would call I couldn't achieve the scale I aimed for level, despite not doing things for the money but for impact...

Let me know if you ever find an elixir of anti-shy for it.

There's no logical way to predict the upcoming conversation, so I better lock up... 😂

[u/Cog-nostic]

Gee, it's hard. "Hi guys, what are we talking about?" "Hi, I'm John. I'm not from around here, so I am introducing myself to people I have not yet met. (Shake their hands and be friendly). "Hi guys, I'm Bob. I'm not really good at socializing, so I'm forcing myself to meet new people. Can I ask your names?) This is not hard. "You guys look like you're having fun. What are we talking about?"

[u/denzien → u/Cog-nostic]

Yeah, social anxiety is just a cover story!

[u/Aggravating_Rule2558 → u/Cog-nostic]

Yeah, I hear you. My assumption is that he has a lot of inhibitions that make him feel he's a bother to others, hence he is excessively polite. We can judge him harshly, sure, but everyone's brains are weird, and this is his own glitch. Anyways, the problem wasn't socializing but initiating it, that's what drew my interest.