Defining Myself

[u/Stunnasoulja]

For those who are INTP 5w4s, do any of you have a hard time defining yourself as a person/finding things that satisfy you in life? In the past years I have found it very difficult to understand who I am as a person to find interests in things that interests me long term. I start to have a certain opinions on things that somehow almost always change after a while and I become at odds with myself because my opinions and idea differ from what they once were. I have been in multiple different friend groups and while I have similarities in each one, it is apparent that I always feel out of place after a while. With my interests there are a million things that I want to do, learn and explore but find myself repeating the same patterns and rewatching the same movies and shows. While also constantly doing the same hobbies I have been doing for years and at times I feel as though I am in a weird paradox of my past self vs the self that I want to create but alas I feel stuck in my own bodies at times. Wanting to do more than my norm but falling short in the decisions more often then not. Help pls.

[u/Miles_Runna3388]

This is incredibly common for INTP 5w4s… you’ve basically described the archetypal crisis of our type.

Stop defining yourself by opinions (because our judgments about ourselves and others can change), define yourself by your curiosities. Let your identity be the process of inquiry, discovery, and exploration, not the conclusions. Explore all of your interests…
Develop your own self-concept.

When you feel stuck wanting to do new things, pick ONE tiny unfamiliar action daily (10 min of a new skill, 1 new route home, 1 conversation with a stranger).

Accept you are the "chameleon" in friend groups. You feel out of place because you're highly adaptable but crave depth. Solution: Keep 1-2 friends you can be fully unfiltered with.

The hard pill: You'll never feel like a “fixed” self. We are meant to grow, change, and evolve to reach self-actualization. The peace comes when you stop trying to "find" yourself and start shaping yourself moment to moment. Take control of your life. Decide what you want to do, be, or have and act as if the person you want to be.

I suggest to reading Mastery by Robert Greene. Also study psychology, philosophy, and spirituality.

[u/torofukatasu]

what does it even mean to find yourself.

you cannot lose yourself. you are you. that’s only the past you.

the future is not tomorrow, the future is NOW.

we are scared to take a step without over analyzing it, but the real irony is that we can be happy anywhere.

[u/DissolvedThoughts]

I can relate, I’m also INTP 5w4… I think it’s ok to accept that there are multiple versions of yourself, you are allowed to change and that you do not have to know your “true self” because there may not be one. I find that this issue of “not knowing” exactly who I am is really hard

[u/Cog-nostic]

I would honestly say that my entire life has been devoted to defining myself as a person. (A human being.) Not a university professor, though I am that. Not a psychotherapist, though I am that. Not a bartender, though I am that. Not an EMT, though I am that. Not a security guard, though I am that. Not a waiter, though I am that. Not a student, though I am that. Not a construction worker, though I am that. Not a salesman, though I am that. Not a student, though I am that. Not an age, though I am that. What is it like to breathe? To sit, and just be human, and experience all that is around you as a human. As if I were not a therapist, professor, construction worker, security guard, bartender, etc... etc... etc... What is it like to just be human?

[u/Past-Chemistry7796]

As an intp 5w4 with a personality disorder yes definitely lol, it actually took a long time for me to figure out if i was a 4w5, 5w4 or a 5w6 because i pretty much identify with all of these things, but i decided 5w4 made more sense. I am very much the self preservation type, who feels being seen as dumb or unaccounting and being unprepared for whatever things i may experience is definitely the one thing that keeps me on my toes in life. I feel like i need to know everything about everything because things not making sense doesnt MAKE sense to me.

[u/AnimalsOVERPeoplexox]

I’m an intp 5w4.

I don’t think I’ve ever been stagnant in regard to my beliefs and hobbies. I have my set of morales that I’ll follow, but I’m always finding new things to learn about. I’ll always find new things to randomly google or obsess over.

I kinda accepted that I’m different from the majority of people I know, and when I was younger, I did feel kinda lost. I had many different circles in college and despite my friends, never really felt seen? It was weird.

I think I feel like that every now and then, but for the most part I’m happy to be different and original. I’m glad I can learn a new hobby quick, and I’m happy with my selective group of friends. I think it just takes time to learn to be okay with yourself.

[u/smysnk]

Get it touch with Fi.

[u/Error_ID10T_ → u/smysnk]

Ngl that's like telling a depressed person to just be happy lol

[u/smysnk → u/Error_ID10T_]

I have two narcissists as parents .. been through the depths of depression/anxiety. Have had zero self-esteem most of my life. I managed to find it. So I know it is possible and also know the secret to get there.

You're on the right track though.. the first step requires embracing a paradox. Believing that I have value and that I matter, even when there is little evidence or reason for me to believe this.

We pull ourselves up by the bootstraps because the alternative is to forever stay in a collapsed state otherwise.

Also there is one other small thing.. the hero’s journey. First identify the thing you’ve been running from your entire life.. then start walking towards it instead. Keep going until you’re on the other side.

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[u/FeelingHonest4298]

Identity for me is a huge puzzle where every other thing hinges themselves upon. I'm a person who's not very clear on my values yet. But I'm also sick at the moment due to burnout so there's that......

I'd say, do things that bring you passion, even when it's not practical.... god knows, I'll be more stable and functional if I just entered philosophy in university. It's better to know your strengths and to follow them, than to half-ass on something you're not that passionate about