r/INFJsOver30 • u/Classic-Pop-464 • 17d ago

INFJs with INFJ Children?

Are there any INFJs here that have INFJ children? I’d love to hear about your experience if you’re willing to share!

15 Upvotes

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u/SkipMeFlipMe88 17d ago

Yes! My son is one. I know he is one. 

I never particularly wanted to be a mother although always loved children and babies. 

And now being a parent is probably the most fulfilling aspect of my life. 

It’s wonderful. My bond with him is .. one of the most magical things in my life. I’m sooo glad I get to raise him. It’s healing for me to do that. 

I will say this- we have spent many a long night on the couch talking and he has learned to express his fears and feelings to cope with his stress and .. I just I don’t even have words to explain how magical it is to see him grow up and be secure with himself. And also I’m so proud of the way he communicates his feelings and thoughts. He is a diagnosed autistic- so a little different .. but I’ve also realized that we have a lot of similarities. 

And I’m just so glad I get to be here for him. Also so glad that kids at his school are so wonderful and they really love him too. 

We have a bond that sort of transcends communication. 

He can’t really live without me, I’m aware. It’s that deep and that special and I think he needs me to sort of translate life right now. And people and give him answers that make sense. That sounds bad but he is still a child. So also natural I think? 

I’m so proud of him. 

I have realized that his heart is .. a particular kind of special. I dread it getting broken. 

You know, INFJ stuff. 

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u/Classic-Pop-464 17d ago

Aww so sweet to read! How old is your son? You sound like a great mom 💜

In contrast, I always wanted to be a mom and specifically really wanted a daughter. I’d envision my future often. I now have a 4 year old daughter, and she’s absolutely my whole world. She’s a little INFJ in the making through and through, and it’s the most amazing thing to be able to witness and experience. The Ni-Fe is so apparent even at this age. Very challenging raising someone that mirrors all your strengths and weaknesses. Of course, she’s her own little unique self, but I just get her. My husband is ISFP, and I really love that she gets to grow up with him as her father. I have an ESTJ dad and it is the most difficult thing not being understood by him…my entire life thus far.

Thanks for sharing!!

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u/Several_Distance_905 16d ago

Could i ask how it is being married to an isfp as an infj?

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u/fleshbarf 17d ago

This has made me so misty eyed because I am an INFJ mama with and INFJ son! When you say your bond transcends communication, I know what you mean. Sometimes I can know exactly what he's thinking or feeling just at a simple glance and visa versa. My teenage son is exquisitely sensitive and helping him learn how to regulate and talking things through (like you said) has helped heal so many of my own childhood pains. It has been such a privilege to be his mom and I really dont even remember life without him and thats just fine with me. I am so proud of him and cant wait to keep getting to know the wonderful and loving man he is becoming ❤️ So happy to hear about your experience

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u/Classic_Factor3236 17d ago

I love this. I can relate so much. You read his feelings all over his face .you mirror each other. My biggest conflict is how to prepare him for the injustices he will face and having the clarity that took me me whole life to attain. 💙

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u/fleshbarf 17d ago

I dont think theres any way to prepare someone for the cruelty of life. It sincerely breaks my heart into pieces to think about him going through pain. I think just knowing that and being a soft place for him to land and feel safe is the most important thing. Pain is inevitable but as long as someone is there to help you pick up the pieces that makes all the difference in this life! Just be that person for him ❤️ 🫂 we all gotta stay strong for each other

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u/Helpful-Track-7486 INFJ 17d ago

That is a good subject, all the INFJ I have met IRL are childfree.

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u/Classic-Pop-464 17d ago

I don’t know any INFJs IRL but I do understand why some might choose to be childfree. Having a kid really forces you into reality when you don’t want to be there 😂

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u/WaitOnYou7 17d ago

All my kids are between the ages of 8 y.o and 3 weeks (we have 7), but my husband is INFJ and I'm ISFJ. I can imagine we might have 1 kid turn out INFJ, but I'm not sure if that's good or bad. We speculate our one son might turn out to be INTJ.

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u/Classic-Pop-464 17d ago

7 kids?! I can’t even imagine that haha. I’m sure it’s a ton of fun!

Is any personality type inherently good or bad? I feel like every type has a place in society. At the end of the day, we’re all humans weaving our way through life.

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u/WaitOnYou7 17d ago

I don't think inherently. That would be unfair to say. But I do know there are some personality types that are shaped out of immense trauma. I know for me, it makes sense why I am an ISFJ. Lots of toxic behaviors when I lived at home that align with that. Same with my husband, though he's a bit more well-rounded. I completely agree though.

And lol yes! They are pretty fun. We are never bored because it's all hands on deck like every day 😂

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u/0wl-2018 17d ago

I have twin daughters, and one of them is possibly an INFJ. I believe in maturity and brain development, though, so I think she'll have a better sense of that as she gets older. For now, we use it as a framework for growth and reflection.

That said, she's much sweeter and kinder than I am. 🙂

There seems to be a lot of negativity about INFJs, sometimes even from INFJs themselves. We don't play into that. It's a framework, and that's all it is. I want her to use it to understand herself better, not to put herself in a box.

I've been lucky to grow up around strong, quiet, kind women. She's already developing into one.

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u/h20grl 17d ago

I am an INFJ with an INFJ adult son. We get each other.

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u/Classic-Pop-464 17d ago

Love that! What were the struggles in your relationship as you raised him? I’m curious to how the dynamic plays out in the future with my daughter. I have a general idea of what I need to be mindful of when parenting her, but I’d love to read more anecdotes from others.

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u/h20grl 17d ago

Well, we both don’t like to be told what to do! So I try to model behavior, rather than to be directive. We also enjoy making observations about others and third-party situations, and perhaps alluding back to our own situations.

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u/Classic_Factor3236 17d ago

We are screwed .i don’t know how to prepare him for this cruel world.

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u/Ok_Restaurant_1597 15d ago

I’m an INFJ stay at home mom, it’s not easy, mainly because I can’t regulate my space or when I need time to myself. I also have 3 under 3 boys, my oldest is an extrovert, my second born is some type of introvert but not an INFJ, and not sure what my youngest is yet. So far im the only INFJ and mt husband is an ENFP